5 Things You Can Say Instead of Ghosting Someone

Like it or not, in our modern dating world, ghosting is a norm. If we’re being honest, each and every one of us has ghosted someone at some point in our lives— or someone has ghosted us.

In fact, according to this survey, approximately 80% of millennials have been ghosted by someone.

You’d think we would have all become desensitized to it by now.

I’ve been ghosted a couple of times and I’m not proud to admit that, when I was younger, I ghosted people myself. It felt easier. It seemed like the better option. There were no emotional confrontations and I didn’t have to worry about what the other person would think of me.

The (uncomfortable) truth, however, is that ghosting a person is the easy way out; it’s immature, disrespectful, and leaves the person you ghost feeling used and insecure.

So, what follows, are some things you can say to a person (instead of ghosting them!) to communicate your desire to end things that:

• don’t sound awkward
• aren’t offensive
• are much more respectful
• don’t make you look like a coward or an a-hole

Let’s dive right into them, shall we?

. . .

#1. “You’re Great, But I Don’t Feel Like This Is Going Anywhere Romantically.”

Great for: when you don’t feel any sparks with the other person/you’re not into them/there’s zero connection

Sometimes you go on dates with people who are great but you can’t feel any sparks.

They might be kind and generous, or good-looking and smart. You might enjoy their company, but not feel like pursuing things on a romantic level. And instead of being blunt about it, you decide to disappear from their life and hope they get the message.

But if that someone’s so great, don’t they at least deserve an explanation? You might feel like telling them you don’t feel that spark will hurt their ego but in reality, cutting all ties with them without any explanation will have much more severe consequences on their self-esteem.

Just tell them you acknowledge how great they are but you don’t want to move forward with them. It happens. They’ll get over it.

. . .

#2. “I Can’t Really Support a Relationship Right Now.”

Great for: when you’re not ready for a serious relationship/when you’re too focused on other things, like your career or personal growth

Let’s be honest here. Depending on the place you are in your life, you might not be able to support a serious relationship. For example, maybe you’re too focused on improving yourself, following a passion of yours, or advancing your career.

So, let’s say you start going out with someone. You might want to keep things simple and casual whereas they’re keen for things between you to become more serious. But you’re not feeling like it — you’re just committed to something else that takes all your free time and emotional energy.

Or maybe, you thought that you were ready for a relationship and then you realized (you’re allowed to change your mind!) you can’t really invest in somebody else at the moment.

Although that’s understandable, there’s no need to ghost the other person. Just tell them they didn’t do anything wrong; you just can’t support a relationship at the moment — it’s an easy and quick explanation and completely acceptable. Everyone is allowed to have their own priorities.

. . .

#3. “I Have Some Personal Stuff I Need to Work Through Alone.”

Great for: when you’re going through tough times/have to deal with a lot of personal issues/need to be alone

Let’s say you start going out with someone and then something big happens that turns your life upside down. Or you simply realize you need to be alone because you’re in the middle of a turbulent time in your life.

Dating can be hard if you’re not in the right state of mind. There’s no need to feel guilty about it and worry about how you will be perceived by the other person.

Instead of disappearing from their lives, leaving them wondering what they did wrong, it’s best to be upfront about your need to be alone until you figure things out— they’ll appreciate it more.

. . .

#4. “I’m Looking for Someone With Whom I Have More Things in Common.”

Great for: when you have completely different points of view on life with the other person/their values don’t align with yours

This one is probably familiar for every one of us. You go on a date with someone and quickly understand how different you are. You have different mindsets, life goals, hobbies, and values.

You still decide to give them a second chance (maybe you jumped to conclusions!) but your second date goes even worse than the first. You’re left thinking “Wow, that’s a person I definitely wouldn’t get in a relationship with.”

Of course, there’s no need to tell them that. But you also shouldn’t go AWOL. You can always gently tell them, “Hey. I don’t think we have a lot in common and right now I’m looking for someone who has a similar mindset and lifestyle to mine.”

Simple, honest, and respectful.

. . .

#5. “I Thought I Was Ready For a Relationship but I’m Not.”

Great for: when you haven’t gotten over a breakup/you’re not in the right place emotionally to support a relationship

All the times I ghosted people in the past were for the same reason: I wasn’t emotionally ready to get into a relationship. And I thought that disappearing was better than telling the other person I wasn’t in the right place to support a serious relationship.

I’m not sure why. Maybe I thought that they wouldn’t accept it and that they’d try to change my mind or maybe I believed they would consider me weird or something.

Now, of course, I’ve acknowledged that there’s nothing weird or bad with not wanting to get into a serious relationship. Everyone has their own reasons for that — and other people should respect those reasons.

So, if you feel like you’re not ready to jump into a relationship, just be honest about it and let the other person move on (instead of letting them emotionally sink in thoughts of what went wrong and you went AWOL on them).

. . .

Bonus Phrases to Use Instead of Fleeing

I chose to expand on the above five phrases because the situations that go along with them, are the most common we deal with when it comes to dating. Here are some bonus phrases you can use for some other situations:

• For when you’ve met someone else: “Hey, It was interesting getting to know you, but the truth is I’ve met someone with whom I share much more things in common. I hope you understand.”
• For when you’ve lost interest: “Hey, I think you’re great, but I’m not interested in pursuing things further with you. It’s nothing personal, I’m just not feeling it anymore. Wish you the best.”
• For when you’re only looking for something casual: “Hey, I had a great time with you the other day, but I think I should let you know I’m not looking for anything serious right now. Take care.”

. . .

To Put It in a Nutshell…

Honesty is the best policy. I understand that ghosting someone might seem a lot easier than stepping into a difficult conversation.

But, unless someone crossed your boundaries or behaved badly and disrespectfully towards you, they deserve an explanation.

Ghosting might be the easy way out of a situation — but it’s also the immature way out. It’s also a punch to the other person’s self-esteem, and it makes you look way worse than being frank about your feelings with them.

Depending on your situation, there are always things you can say instead of going AWOL on someone.

And, at the end of the day, if we all made an effort to eliminate some toxic dating trends like ghosting, the world of dating would be a much safer and enjoyable place.

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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.

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