5 Things You Need To Know When Dating an Introvert

I’m currently dating an introvert, and things could get tricky sometimes.

I’m not a 100% extrovert, but I still like to talk a lot so. I don’t mind being in a bar and making a conversation with strangers. But with my boyfriend, that won’t be the case because he always prefers to stay at home or go to quiet places.

If you are dating or about to date someone who’s highly introverted, here are the 5 things you need to know so you can understand them better. This also helps you to avoid the misunderstanding that might occur along the way.

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It takes a long time for them to open up to you.

Expecting them to open up in the first month of dating is only going to push them away.

As someone who can get close and open up pretty quickly, I used to feel weirded out because my boyfriend couldn’t do the same. Questions like; does he not trust me with his problems? Am I making him uncomfortable? What’s wrong with me? — were what crossed my mind a lot back then.

But over time, I began to understand that he just took his time to share his issues and his thoughts. With him refusing to open up earlier had nothing to do with me.

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They require lots and lots of alone-time.

We all need alone time. But introverts? They need more.

In the first year of our relationship, I was a bit upset because he needed to take a weekend off to just be alone doing his own thing. I was very unfamiliar with this idea, and I’d freak out thinking if something was going wrong with the relationship itself.

So for months, I was stuck with this idea that there isn’t such a thing as a “break.” And I made a mistake by asking other people what does it really mean to my relationship.

When it comes to a relationship, you are the only one who knows your partner really well. In your partner’s perspective, a break just means you take some time off to take a breather — but if you ask people outside the relationship, they’d think your partner is cheating on you or not wanting to invest in the relationship anymore.

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When they are upset, they prefer to be left alone.

Unlike me, who wants to address the issue right away, my boyfriend tends to leave the room and come back when he’s more relaxed. For the past five years dating him, I’ve never seen him sitting down after a huge argument to talk it out. So in that way, I have to wait until he’s “back being himself.”

If you are the type of person with a lack of patience, then this can be super challenging. But on the other hand, you also need to let them take their time because introverts need some alone time to process their thoughts and feelings.

I once asked him why he is like that, and from his perspective, it’s much better to talk about the issue when both parties are in a stable mood rather than arguing for the sake of it. It won’t solve the problem.

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Sometimes they can talk a lot more than you do

I knew how quiet my boyfriend is when he’s around other people. So when we decided to move in together last year, I was so surprised that he’s very talkative.

Especially when he got very comfortable with just the two of us in the house, he became this new person to me. All of a sudden, he became so expressive and didn’t hold back in letting me know his thoughts and feelings.

I’ve also known friends who are dating introverts, and they agreed on this. But one thing for sure is that they only do it once they are close to you. So if they start sharing all of their “dark secrets” or even insecurity (something you know they’d never share with anyone else before), then it means you are special to them.

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Your dates will be pretty much going to quiet places.

When we started dating, I found it unique that we barely went to crowded places such as malls or festivals. One time in Bali, I brought him to a bar with many people in it, and I could see how uncomfortable he was.

And when we went to a waterfall the next day, he was so excited and happy. Since then, our dates have been pretty much revolving around going to the beach, hiking, or exploring nature together.

That’s why it’s very important for introverts to find someone with similar/at least close to their lifestyles. Imagine if what they like is staying inside or go to nature places, but you like going to the clubs all the time? That won’t be sustainable in the long run.

So try to find a balance in the relationship but also it’s important to stay true to do things that make you happy, so you don’t end up compromising too much to match the introvert’s lifestyle.

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So what can you do?

Dating an introvert can be easy or hard, depending on how you deal with it. But from my experience, here’s what I do to make the relationship journey smoother:

If they ask for a space, don’t panic. And it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. But also make sure you communicate on how long the “off” time would be.
As they aren’t always great at expressing their feelings, you need to be more proactive and communicate first when there’s an issue.
When you have an argument, it’s only natural for them to get off first until they calm down. So don’t expect them to sit down with you and talk it out.

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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.

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