You probably think being picky is egotistical or arrogant. It’s not. It’s the best way to practice self-preservation.
You see, so many of us follow the wind whichever way it blows. Then we wonder why we live in circles.
Someone once said, “If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.” Truer words have never been spoken.
Pickiness and taking a stand are joined at the hip.
It’s time to talk about the things you should definitely be picky about. (If you aren’t already).
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The people you disclose your personal struggles to.
There’s nothing that hurts like confiding in someone only to end up feeling emptier than before. It has happened to me in the past. I regretted being so vulnerable to someone who used my vulnerability to erect a castle for herself.
Some people will use your pain to make themselves feel better about their own lives.
If you look closely, you’ll discover that these folks have been lying there, watching your life with the green eye. They’ve always wanted what you have. So the moment life throws you a curveball, they are quick to rejoice secretly.
If you’re like me, who likes to vent, be sure to vet your people carefully. I suggest having one or two people whom you can call and discuss the intricacies of your life. Everyone else needs to be held at arm’s length.
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How you speak about yourself.
The other day I was listening to Beyonce, and it hit me.
This woman speaks about herself with such a great deal of empowerment. She legitimately believes she’s the best.
It’s not surprising that we think she’s the best.
The happiest, most confident, successful people speak about themselves in uplifting ways.
According to statistics, mental health issues are increasing, especially among young people. It’s sad. The common thread is that almost all victims suffer feelings of worthlessness.
We aren’t happy about who we are.
It’s time we worked on reprogramming our minds. And the best way to do so is to speak good things about yourself. Forget about your quirks. Trust me, we all have them. Even Beyoncé — you just haven’t seen her IRL.
When you get up in the morning, look in the mirror and show yourself some love. Tell yourself all the nice things you can possibly say. Yes, true or not. This is what kick-starts the process of seeing yourself in a different light.
You’ve got to choose yourself every single day. Intentionally. Till the day you cross over to the other side.
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The people you allow in your life.
I will write about this till kingdom come because the people you let in have a lot, and I mean a lot, of influence over your happiness, advancement, mental health, and the quality of your life.
You can’t be friends with every Tom, Dick, and Megan. You can’t afford to.
Yeah, I get you’re a social butterfly and stuff, but even the Bible has a say in this, “The righteous are cautious in friendship.”
Yup. It’s right there in your Bible, and I believe it’s for a good reason.
People can place a crown on your head or strip you of your dignity. They can drain your well or fill it up.
The good news? You decide the outcome.
If there’s something everyone needs to learn, it’s the ability to listen to their gut. If someone leaves a bitter taste in your mouth after every interaction, don’t ignore it. Energy never lies.
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The places you hang out.
Look, not trying to be a snob, but the places you frequent say a lot about you and where your life is headed. Every place you go to, be it a restaurant or a yoga studio, carries a unique vibe and almost always reflects the patrons who grace their presence with it.
I’m a firm believer that the people in our circles are a reflection of who we are. Some people exude a vibe of calmness and purpose that’s easy to pick up. Other people have zero drive in life (and hey, if that’s what rocks their boat, so be it.)
But you, dear reader, are different. You and I know that. We both know you’re on an upward trajectory. So gravitate toward places that have the vibes you want.
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The person you marry.
Fact: Love isn’t enough. It never is.
Life is a long game, and you need to play your cards right, especially when it comes to marriage.
I’ve seen my friends marry people who took their lives from one to ten and from ten to one.
I’ve seen dreams crushed to dust and self-esteem crumble to nothing, all because someone chose the wrong partner. I’ve also seen healthy kids raised, lives transformed, and businesses thrive simply because someone chose the right partner.
At the end of the day, the superficial won’t take you far. Looks fade. And great sex? The passion fizzles out eventually.
It’s that other stuff that no one talks about. That’s the real juice.
It’s whether or not someone really “sees” you for who you are and what you can be. It’s whether or not someone has your back, no matter what. It’s whether or not someone is willing and ready to go the whole nine yards with you.
These are the things that make a difference.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Jakub Dziubak on Unsplash