5 Toxic Things Only People With Zero Self-Awareness Do

They say that if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it might just be a duck.

What’s even worse is when it’s a duck, and everyone knows it’s a duck except the duck itself!

That’s an annoying duck!

Dealing with someone who lacks self-awareness is stupidly painful. If you ever meet someone with the traits we’ll cover in this article, there’s a high chance they lack self-awareness.

That is useful to know because, usually, low self-awareness levels indicate low emotional maturity, which in turn indicates:

Having messed up relationships.
Difficulties with conflict and negative emotions.
Lack of accountability.
Unwillingness to change.
Blaming others instead of doing some self-reflection.

And so on. We’re talking about toxic traits that will make your relationships with these people harder than necessary.

This article answers questions like, “What does it mean if someone lacks self-awareness?” or “How bad is it to have low self-awareness?” or “How can someone who lacks enough self-awareness hurt you?”

As I usually say, don’t use such articles to judge people. Look for more than two signs. And look for consistent patterns of behavior, not just occasional mistakes.

Let’s get into it.

#1 Refusal to shoulder responsibility.

It should go without saying. But let’s dive deeper and explain how and why it happens.

We sometimes tend to repress or fail to unpack parts of ourselves. Those parts are typically dark and toxic, and we don’t like them.

Usually, those parts require fixing (or at least some work). But if those parts are so dark, and we’re unwilling to face them, some of us will turn a blind eye to them. Call it willful blindness or lack of self-awareness. It doesn’t matter.

Admitting that something is broken means you have to fix or deal with it. Denying its existence frees you from this responsibility.

If someone cheats on their spouse, they need to face the dark part inside of them that is capable of infidelity and all its dark desires. Plus, they have to face the fact that they hurt their partner in a profound way they might never recover from. And if they have kids, they need to face the damage they caused to the whole family.

Facing those things means they’re responsible for all this damage.

Now, let’s say someone hasn’t cheated, but they have that part inside of them that secretly wants to. It may manifest itself in subtle ways like flirting, hanging out often without their partner, and being in touch with a specific ex.

They will justify those behaviors by saying they’re harmless. They can’t face the truth behind these actions because it means they have to, you know, change! At least, it means they should face whatever emotional knots they have that make them want to act in stupid, messy ways. And that’s not fun. It’s hard. It’s easier to be wilfully blind than to shoulder whatever responsibility you need to shoulder.

“If I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist. And if it doesn’t exist, I don’t have to fix it.” In this case, are they really unaware or just willfully blind?

Or worse, are they? . . .

#2 Entitlement to feeling good.

The core of most avoidance strategies is someone who believes they should always feel good. Or that they shouldn’t feel bad.

Entitled people want things handed to them without effort or emotional discomfort. They dread rejection and failure. As a result, they’re indecisive and struggle with taking action.

They spend their time running away from themselves because they don’t want to look at the unhealed parts inside of them. They avoid conflict and difficult conversations because they are uncomfortable.

They prioritize their emotional comfort over everything.

Such a person will have less self-awareness because they are too afraid to look at anything they don’t like. They are too scared to look in the mirror lest they see something that upsets them.

One of the things they also tend to avoid is . . .

#3 Worshiping a false God.

One of the defense mechanisms toxic people use is creating a facade self-image to compensate for their weak sense of self.

Their weak sense of self comes from their unresolved shame. At some level, deep down, they believe they are bad, unworthy, and unlovable.

They have two selves:

Their wounded self.
The facade self-image they created to compensate for their hurt self.

There’s a gap between these two selves. This gap is the lack of self-awareness. Let me explain.

Narcissists are like this. Deep down, they’re wounded and shame-ridden. So, they create a grandiose self and project it into the world.

Whenever something happens that reminds them of their wounded self, which is the result of their unresolved shame, they get triggered. They experience what some refer to as “narcissistic injury.” Getting triggered activates their defense mechanism, which is their facade self.

As a result, they fail to heal their wounded self because they’re unable (or unwilling) to deal with the unresolved shame. Eventually, the people around them will see a gap between who they are and the image they project.

The main issue is the unresolved shame and that they’re running away from it instead of trying to heal it.

Of course, I just used narcissists as an example. But this applies to other toxic people. For instance, Nice Guys (capitalized) are also like this. They create a persona of a pleasant, considerate guy, but it’s a cover for their unresolved shame.

With time, it gets clear that they’re not actually “nice” but pretending to be. They run away from or try to cope with their unresolved shame by being people pleasers, thinking it will get them what they want.

(Note: Lack of self-awareness is a symptom of unresolved shame. It can help you see the bigger picture. However, don’t fall into the trap of diagnosing people and putting them in boxes.)

Now, one of the ways they avoid facing their unresolved shame is . . .

#4 Defensiveness.

It’s not a mystery anymore why a toxic person gets defensive.

They are running away from their wounded selves, shame, and responsibility. When you point out the obvious, they get defensive. They don’t want to see what you’re talking about.

So, they get furious, defending themselves and frugal beliefs like their lives depend on it. The more defensive someone gets, the less their willingness to change because change requires facing the truth.

That is why people who lack self-awareness are a pain in the neck to argue or disagree with.

Simultaneously, defensiveness makes people even more unaware because it makes it impossible for them to listen or consider a different point of view. This attitude keeps them stuck with what they know and believe about themselves, which isn’t so bright/a lot to begin with.

If they allow defensiveness to take over, it upgrades itself into a (literally) devilish monster that will eventually hurt them.

Let’s talk about that . . .

#5 Practicing the worst type of arrogance.

Arrogant people believe they are above you and everything you say. So, it makes zero sense for their Highness to listen to you!

The worst type of arrogance is when someone knows the truth but refuses to admit it (even though they know it deep in their heart). They choose the lie over what’s true because doing otherwise would threaten their grandiose image of themselves.

That manifests itself as unreasonable stubbornness and an inability to consider that they might be wrong. It’s defensiveness on steroids! And it’s not just that nothing you say matters anymore; you don’t matter to them and are considered a threat.

Stay away from this person. Don’t cast pearls before swine.

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I hope this was helpful

If you enjoyed reading this, Get free 12 practical tips on how to:

Deal with toxic people,
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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

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