6 Bulletproof Signs You’re Over Your Ex

I just saw my ex, who gave me an STD, again for the first time in 3 years.

I did uncontainable amounts of inner work and even turned my breakup into my current job as a love coach.

It was the moment of truth that revealed whether all the healing I’d done was fruitful, and HELL YES it was!

Here are 6 signs you’re definitely over your ex.

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1. No Desire for Any Conversation

You notice you have absolutely no desire to text your ex — whether that’s a simple “How are you” or the obligatory “Happy birthday” message once a year.

Side note: Lots of people use the “Happy birthday” message as an excuse to reconnect. They say they’re “over it”, but secretly hope their ex will reply (something nice) or even initiate a reunion.

When you’re really over your ex, you likely don’t even remember their birthday. It doesn’t interest you because this person is your past, not your present. Instead, you focus on remembering important dates of people who’ll be part of your future.

2. No Negative Feelings

This is one of the best indicators: When you hear a song that connected you and your ex, you’re not triggered.

The same goes for going to one of your previous favorite restaurants, your gym, your park, and so on. I know lots of people who avoid these places for years or even the rest of their lives.

Once you’ve healed and revisited memories that previously triggered you, there are no feelings of sadness or missing the person coming up. Instead, you can view it neutrally and manage to live in the moment. You choose to reclaim these places, songs, etc, and make new memories with yourself or new people.

3. Your Thoughts Are Different

First, you realize that you hardly or never think of your ex anymore.

If you still do occasionally, they’re not your typical thoughts like “I wonder if they think of me too/have a new partner already?” anymore. Instead, you might notice something externally like a chocolate bar and remember “Ah, this used to be my exes favorite snack” but can view it neutrally without reacting emotionally.

Unlike the grieving process where most thoughts are directed toward the past, you notice you’re now focused on your future. You’re in your head (not your exes) and build your dream life — when envisioning it, your ex doesn’t appear in it anymore.

4. No Desire for Reconciliation

So many people think they’re strong enough to resist their ex, but once they stand in front of them and alcohol is added to the mix, we all know how the story ends! I’ve been there myself.

Whether your ex tries to get you back or just wants to have a reunion, you’re absolutely uninterested in any meeting.

Important: you don’t reject their initiatives because you want revenge or play hard to get. You don’t do it because you simply don’t care about seeing your ex ever again. It’s all about intention.

5. Approval Comes from the Inside

If your ex decides to approach and compliment you — via chat, Instagram story emojis, or personally — it doesn’t give you any “kick” or “high” anymore. You don’t feel delighted or prone to get “weak” again.

You’ve learned to love and accept yourself and it doesn’t matter what other people say or think — even your ex. Your self-worth isn’t dependent on their statements, compliments, or desire to get you back. You view them neutrally.

6. No Bad Intentions When You Meet Them

Many people think they’re over their ex when they don’t want them back anymore. Yet, I think one of the hardest feelings to work through to truly get over someone is anger.

Anger is the other side of sadness, so no breakup comes without experiencing some rage.

So if your ex suddenly stands in front of you, you genuinely don’t wish them any “bad” things or try to make them jealous. It also means accepting all feelings that come up. If your ex says something funny and you want to laugh — you allow yourself to laugh.

You don’t repress your feelings — even the “good” ones —because of your ego or pride. You accept all that is, not because you try to please or impress the other person but because you have worked through the relationship and allow yourself to be free in all expressions. Not for the other person, but for you.

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You Can’t Get over Them 100%

Every moment of your life is stored in your body. It’s important to work through emotions like sadness, anger, or grief during a breakup but beware that your body also stores all the positive emotions.

It’s important not to cling to these memories but rather transform them into gratitude. However, your ex will to some degree always be part of you and your emotional body. It shouldn’t be the goal to erase all moments of your life or never think about your ex again ever.

As sheleana aiyana says in her book “Becoming the one”:

“Healing doesn’t mean erasing or forgetting your past, it means integrating it.”

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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