There’s no easy way to deal with a divorce, but Sylvia Smith shares 6 helpful tips here.
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When most people marry they expect to stay with the one they love for the rest of their lives. Unfortunately this is not always the case; as many as thirty eight percent of first marriages fail. The failure of a marriage is a difficult time emotionally and sometimes financially. It can take a long time and serious effort before you feel ready to look for love again. These 6 rules will help you know when you’re ready to love again.
#1 — Take all the time you need to heal.
It doesn’t matter if the divorce was your idea or your partner’s. You will feel emotional pain and often loneliness as your constant companion has gone. It is essential to take some time to grieve, you have lost a long term relationship and the same grieving process applies as though a loved one has died. Take time to grieve properly and do it in the way that suits you. There is no right or wrong method; some people like yoga, others simply spend more time with friends.
#2 — Bitterness is normal, and it will pass.
You may feel bitter that your relationship is over, especially if it was not you that initiated the split. The thought of your ex-partner with someone else can make you angry and even frustrated, especially because you can picture the dreams you had which have now been destroyed.
You must work through these issues, with a therapist if necessary or with some relationship advice from a friend. Understanding and overcoming your bitterness will mean that you are ready to date again; without emotional baggage. If you do not follow this course you will have negative emotions locked inside you which can make it very difficult to build a new relationship or even trust someone new.
#3 — Sex can be a wonderful way to move forward.
Having been in a long term relationship or marriage you are now free to discover yourself, to become in-tune with your body and discover what things you like and do not like. This can be an exciting time and an excellent opportunity to indulge in some passionate sex. Providing you use protection and understand the difference between lust and love; you can benefit from a range of experiences which will actually improve the qualities you can bring to a relationship.
This approach can also help you to understand what qualities you find desirable in a new partner and which are not. You may be surprised at how much your tastes have changed! Sex can be a one night experience or several encounters. Whilst you should never rule out the possibility of love it is not the aim of this stage.
# 4 — Explore your options.
Once you have grieved fully and celebrated your body you will feel more comfortable in your own skin. It is now time to consolidate your experiences and think of true love in marriage and in a relationship. The best way to do this is to have some quality time to yourself, to do the things you have always dreamed of but never been able to do before. This stage should help you to realize that you can be happy and live a good life by yourself. Sex is important but attainable, even when you are single!
Use this time to visit places and people that you have not had the opportunity to do in the past; even if this means getting a babysitter. You should be open to new experiences and you will realize that you have a lot to offer.
#5 — Make new friends.
The above process should have helped you to make new friends and this process can be continued by joining groups and signing up to classes. Pick things that you have an interest in. You are likely to make new friends when engaging in a pastime you are passionate about and these will last a lifetime. Just don’t forget the friends which have stood by you through thick and thin.
#6 — The world is your oyster – put yourself out there.
Looking for love is a challenging process, but now you are comfortable in your own skin you will come across as confident and will not be desperate to take the first potential partner that comes along. This confidence will actually attract people to you!
There are many places where you may meet the new love of your life; it may be on an evening out drinking with your friends, or at one of your new hobby classes. Do not rush the process and recognize every opportunity that comes along; even if it turns out to be a short fling. Don’t jump into a relationship thinking it will end in divorce. Clear your head first and be with someone you genuinely like. Give them the chance you make you happy, and you’ll be able to get past all your disappointments.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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