It’s 2023, and you’re done with the lousy streak of dates you’ve been experiencing.
In fact, the last date you went on was so shitty you ended up deleting every dating app on your phone.
Ever feel like everyone around you is in love and happy; meanwhile, you can’t catch a break?
You think it’s your luck that’s the problem when in reality, you just have an established behavior pattern that consists of you choosing the same guys over and over again. The only difference between them is their occupation.
I’m here to share a few different types of men you should avoid at all costs if you truly want a serious relationship. This is what helped me find the love of my life, and I’m hoping it’ll help you at least save yourself from another crappy year of dating.
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The Narcissist
This is the guy who will have about a dozen photos on his profile of himself. Some are shirtless; some are posed, and a few might be candid but not really.
He’s extremely good-looking, and he knows it, too. He’ll reach out to you first, which will make you feel like he’s the type of guy who takes initiative.
On your first date, he’ll brag about how financially secure he is and how his last girlfriend lacked ambition, and it wasn’t a good fit. He was starting to lose hope until you came along.
You’ll feel warm inside, but if you take a step back, you’ll notice that everything within the last hour has been about him. Despite him saying things like, “I want to get to know you,” he hasn’t actually asked you any questions.
Narcissists are essentially angry toddlers with entitlement issues. You can’t change them, and there’s no point in trying. Avoid at all costs.
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The One Who Calls Himself An Entrepreneur In His Instagram Bio
I’m not hating; I’m merely saying that there are two types of guys out there (amongst a few others, but here are two).
a.) The one who calls himself an entrepreneur but still lives with his parents or roommates and has a course he sells on “how to make money doing x, y and z.”
b.) The one who hustles quietly.
You can tell when someone is putting on a show. A man who is truly financially secure doesn’t have anything to prove. He’s a hard worker with goals and aspirations.
If you end up going on a date with option A, don’t be surprised when he asks you to split the bill.
And speaking of splitting bills…
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The One Who Asks To Split The Bill
Call me old-fashioned, but if a man asks you out on a date — why are you paying for it?
I know the “cool” thing nowadays is to be an independent woman and all, but what does that have to do with a man paying for the dinner he invited you to? Or paying for your coffee?
You can split the bill after you’re in a secure and happy relationship. But, when you’re just starting out, let the man be a man. So if he does ask to split the bill on your first date… or asks you to spot him, well, I’ll leave that up to you to decide.
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The One Who’s “Going Through Something”
He’s hurt. Wounded. Lost.
Maybe he’s been hurt in a past relationship, or he’s dealing with some other catastrophe in his life; hell, it might even be childhood trauma; regardless of what it is, he’s not ready for you.
He’s been dealt a hand and decided to turn himself into a victim, and he’s craving your sympathy and thinks you’ll “heal” him.
You might think you can help him too. You might even feel sorry for him. He comes across as a wounded puppy, and we as women often fall for the broken guys because we think of them as “a work in progress with so much potential.”
We want to be their saviors; we want others to look at our relationship and think, “Wow, she really changed him!”
But that’s not at all how it works. Most of the time, you don’t really change anyone. If anything, they change you, and their bad habits end up rubbing off on you.
If you’re looking for something serious, go for the guy who has his life together and is ready for the real deal. Leave the “works in progress” guys to fix themselves.
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The One With This Terrible Quality…
You meet a cute guy online. You’ve had several pleasant conversations, and he’s finally asked you out to dinner.
You’re elated. Despite it being your first date, you feel like you really know the guy. You’ve had a few facetime conversations with him. And to top it all off, he’s been texting you consistently.
You’re leaving your house in less than 30 minutes to meet him. While you plan on keeping the first date G-rated, you still shaved to boost your self-esteem.
You’re applying your favorite shade of lipstick when your phone vibrates.
“Hey, I’m really sorry, but I have to cancel our date. Something came up. Rain check?”
You’re bummed. But, it’s okay, you think to yourself. Maybe something serious happened, it’s okay.
“Of course! Rain check for sure.”
It’s been a few days. The two of you agree to meet up for coffee.
“Hey, I’m sorry to do this again, but I’ve gotta cancel our coffee date.”
You’re getting frustrated, but you’re trying to be understanding. This time, you ask to meet for drinks after work on a random weeknight.
“Sorry, can’t make it.”
Now there are numerous reasons why a person would need to reschedule a date, and many of those reasons are valid. However, there are a shit ton of guys out there that will literally play you and schedule dates with you that they have no intention of going on.
Maybe they’re keeping their options open. Maybe they don’t know what they want. Regardless, he’s clearly unavailable, and if he truly wanted to meet you, he would have, so don’t even waste time on him. Besides, aren’t you worth meeting someone who will actually show up for you?
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The One Who Likes To Watch…
I was getting my nails done a few weeks ago when I started listening to a podcast about how couples can increase intimacy.
One of the first things mentioned was watching porn together.
This concept baffles me — porn has a crippling effect on both men and women, and yet it’s talked about like it’s no big deal.
Porn can change your brain and body for the worse. It desensitizes and changes your perceptions of what it considers normal and acceptable, leading to a totally skewed concept of reality.
Think of it this way, your preferences, expectations, and responses adapt to exaggerated stimuli, which means you’ll often find yourself less interested or bored by things that felt exciting in the past. For example — porn can make real intimacy seem less interesting by comparison.
Essentially, a man who watches porn will have trouble connecting with you — and not just physically, but emotionally as well.
The bottom line is that a man who is serious about his life and serious about having a relationship will have control over their sexuality. They will not be a slave to their sexual desire — instead, they will master and control it.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Nong V on Unsplash