Virility plays a big role in our concept of manhood
It is almost a taboo for a man to admit the dreaded; that he is not in the mood. There’s this idea you’re supposed to live up to: “Real men are always in the mood.”
The truth is that a lot of men struggle with low libido. In fact, about four out of 10 men over age 45 have low testosterone. The causes for most men range from negative passions and feelings in the marriage to low testosterone.
Low libido has been a deal breaker for many marriages. It is like ‘that thing’ that just couldn’t be gotten over. The question becomes; is it possible to have a great marriage in spite of low libido?
The answer is yes and here is how –
1. – Be Open –How You Communicate With Your Partner Can Make a Difference.
There are a variety of reasons why a partner may have low sex drive. But beneath the exhaustion and reticence is a lot of emotions, and sometimes secrets, that must be brought into the open if that relationship must survive.
Try to talk about sexual secrets, guilt and other issues that cause shame or feelings of inadequacy. Keeping such secrets tends to cause distance in the relationship and usually results in some form of withdrawal.
Deal with anger, resentments and hurt outside of the bedroom. And don’t use sex as a way of punishing your partner or making a statement about how you feel. Be open enough to discuss your sexual preferences and suggestions to spice up your relationship.
2. – Consider Your Spouse’s Feelings
Saying “No” to your spouse about anything can cause quite a stir. Saying no about sex can very easily cause a loud rumble. The male myth of perpetual sexual eagerness has helped increase the increasingly accepted view that “if he isn’t getting it from me he has to be getting it from somewhere else”.
Saying “No” can inject a lack of trust into a marriage and even suspicion. It can also very easily be misunderstood as a sign that you do not find your wife attractive or desirable anymore. This can kill her self-esteem and ultimately impact further on your relationship.
It is unavoidable if you are struggling with a low libido once in a while, to refuse sexual advances. If you must, then offer an alternative suggestion. “Maybe later in the night will be ok”, or, “let’s have a date after work tomorrow.” The point is to make your spouse not feel rejected but valued.
The effect of planning a date or romantic evening is that it gives you a chance to enjoy your spouse’s company. It also gives you a chance to appreciate her a little better away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life or of parenting. That built-up expectance of romance also has a way of working against your low libido.
3. – Openly Make the Effort to Deal with the Problem
If you have been sincere with your spouse about your struggle, it becomes a statement of commitment and a loving gesture to commit to seeking help.
It is usually really difficult for a man to admit he is worried about low sexual desire. Even more difficult is asking for help in this area. But you may need to do precisely that. You need to put your pride aside and get your sex life/marriage back on track. Your wife may be understanding at the moment, but if you put things off much longer, she might not be willing to stick around.
If you are a man whose sexual desire has plummeted due to having sexual problems such as impotence or performance anxiety, a certified sex therapist can teach you many different techniques to overcome these difficulties.
If your problems are physical such as low testosterone or other physical causes, make an appointment with your family doctor, preferably together. The doctor will be in a much better position to advise on the benefits of testosterone for sex drive and to prescribe testosterone replacement therapy or other necessary measures.
4. – Sometimes You Have To Hit It Even When You Don’t Feel It.
When you signed up for a marriage, you signed up for sacrifice and for giving. A man is expected to be a superman, but what happens when you aren’t feeling so super?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard a person say, “I really wasn’t in the mood at all at first, but once we got into it, I enjoyed myself.” When people nudge themselves, even half-heartedly, to “get their feet moving,” their pleasurable physical sensations often override any reason to resist.
5. – Redefine Sex
Get away from the idea that intercourse and orgasms are the most important aspects of a sexual relationship. Have sexual contact; be pleasurable, enjoyable, non-demanding and adventurous.
If perhaps you find yourself not in the mood and your spouse is, then show her love by pleasuring her even if it is not reciprocal. And make her understand that you love making her feel good. This way she doesn’t feel rejected and you can deal maturely with the problem.
6. – Do All the Other Things That Matter
There is more to a relationship than sex. This may be a great time to invest in all the other areas of your marriage. Spend some time with the kids, help with the work around the house, sit and just talk.
A good marriage is defined by the little things, holding hands, a kiss at the right time, giving pleasure, helping out and sincerity. Low libido can be dealt with, but it is no excuse to have a bad marriage.
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