Get up, take a shower, brush your teeth, breakfast time, go to work, socialize with your coworkers, lunch time, give quality time to your loved ones, workout, do a hobbie, dinner time, get ready for bed, and then, start over.
This is the most common routine that a person may do and can handle successfully, but what happens when you can cover the basics? Like go to work and feed yourself. Have you ever felt like you can’t cope with your responsibilities because you are always tired but you can’t find the reason?
Sometimes we don’t realize that we can do some basic things wrong that can drain our energy without even noticing. Here are some examples and how to avoid them.
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1. Overthinking.
Overthinking is almost always related to fear. Fear of things going wrong, not making the deadlines, losing your relationships and even losing your job. If at some point you find yourself losing control and overthinking to the point of destabilize your routine and live in stress and anxiety, follow this tips:
- Focus on what went well: If you are afraid of losing your relationship, focus on what brought you together: that great date you had, the first kiss, the laughs, and the fun moments you have lived together. If you are worried about work, focus on the milestones of the project you have achieved already, and in the progress. If we constantly think of what’s going well, our mind will guide our actions towards improvement and motivation. Eventually, better ideas will come up to solve the problems we currently have.
- Learn to give each thought its time and place: The company you work for isn’t going to pay you extra hours for thinking about your job during the night. They won’t care that you think up ideas for the marketing strategy during dinner while you are almost in tears because of the stress. If your job is from nine to six, try to deal with the issues in that schedule and respect your free time. Having healthy distractions in your free time and a good night’s sleep can make your mind work in optimal conditions. Then you will be capable of generating fresh ideas the next morning.
- Believe that you are doing your best: Accept that you did everything in your power and that’s enough, don’t let your insecurities diminish your efforts. You are doing your best today, and tomorrow will always be better.
- Meditation: Closing your eyes, breathing slowly and deeply can allow you to eliminate obsessive thoughts and focus only on the here and now. Therefore, meditation can calm your mind and relieve your stress and anxiety. Also, it can be a good antidote against insomnia.
- Therapy: Getting professional help will allow you to deconstruct the obsessive thoughts and find the source of them. Opening up to a professional will help you to express your feelings in a safe environment and find solutions that were inside your mind all along.
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2. Wanting to please everyone.
The happiest way to live your life is being yourself. Not everyone will be comfortable with your decisions or will like your personality, but that’s normal. You are constantly looking for the best version of yourself, and that’s a positive attitude that will bring you joy and peace.
Never put yourself in the position of doing or saying something that you don’t like or you don’t agree with, only to please people. People will come and go, and you can’t make life decisions based on other people’s opinions. Because at the end, people might go away, but your decisions will stay and define the course of your future, and you will want to be the owner of your destiny.
The people who love you and stayed for the long ride will never judge you or force you into thinking in a certain way. They will take care of you and be by your side, no matter what.
On the other hand, haters will always hate, but you need to have in mind that their actions speak more about their insecurities and unhappiness than about you. Envy and disparaging comments are only a reflection of what’s missing in other people’s lives.
Focus on yourself, love yourself, take care of yourself, and the rest will come eventually.
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3.Complaining all day.
Complaining always comes from negative thoughts, frustration and things that aren’t in your control. Even when you are complaining about the behavior of someone else, that happens when you allow that person to affect you. Remember that you can’t control other people’s actions, but you can control how these actions affect you.
When you constantly complain and verbalize negative thoughts, you keep your mind focused on the problem and not on the solution. Negative thoughts can develop more serious conditions like depression, anxiety and eating disorders.
So, change the channel… Focus on the good things in your life, your achievements and your progress. Identify the bad thought and turn it into a positive one. For example:
“I’m having a really bad day at work; I have a lot to do and I don’t think I can finish this task on time.”
Let’s turn it into a positive one:
“Work has been busy today; I already analyzed the information, and prepared the report. I will find the time to prepare the presentation tomorrow.”
If you change the tune, in no time, your mind will release a train of positive thoughts that can be useful to achieve your next goals.
Positive thoughts are also helpful to reduce stress, decrease the risk of depression and even to strengthen the immune system.
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4. Pretend that everything is fine.
I don’t know how many times I have heard this phrase:
“It’s easier to pretend.”
Well, guess what? It’s not. And this point comes hand on hand with point number two. Sometimes we pretend that everything is okay just so people can be comfortable around us, but you can’t imagine the extra work that it takes just to pretend to be okay.
It’s key to accept our problems, our situation while not trying to deceive our conscience. It’s important to know ourselves and accept who we are. This way we will grow emotionally and have the strength to deal with our emotions in a more effective way.
When our problems are piling up, we need to have the “release moment” inside our circle of trust. It can occur during a therapy session, or a conversation with your partner or your friends. Have a serious conversation that will allow you to express your feelings and even ask for help or advice. Don’t be afraid of your emotions; take them as they come.
Once you have the moment of release, you will feel lighter and clear headed, and you will be able to find better solutions to every problem you are facing.
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5. Live in someone else’s life.
There are two ways of losing yourself in someone else’s life:
- The grass looks greener on the other side: Sometimes we are doing just fine in our lives and suddenly, someone gets a promotion, gets married, has children, gets a better paid job in another country. And this is when the cricket jumps on your shoulder and starts whispering, “Maybe you are not doing enough, you should be doing that.” Then we find ourselves wishing for something that someone else has.
This will ALWAYS happen. People will always have some kind of progress in their lives, and you will too. But you will have to live your journey on your own, make your plans, dream your dreams and focus on getting where you want in life. Don’t let anyone else’s actions distract you of your plan. And if you need to change the course of the plan, do it, but do it because you want to, not because someone else’s life it’s more appealing now.
- Drown in other people’s problems: You need to be aware that the happiness of your partner, friends and family lies only in themselves. If one of your loved ones is going through a hard time, you can’t fix his problems; you can’t follow every step they are taking and tell them what to do. That is like living two lives, and it’s not healthy for you or your loved one. Besides, it can be exhausting, and after some time it can become an obligation for you.
You can be supportive in every way you can, but that’s different than owning someone else’s issues and claiming them as yours. A good conversation, some good advice, quality time and active listening can be a good place to start.
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6. Pointless discussions.
Arguing with someone about something meaningless can be exhausting. For example, if you are having a discussion with your wife or with your husband and they bring up something that happened a year ago, politely excuse yourself, walk away and let them calm down. To have that type of conversation is pointless and won’t add anything good to the relationship.
Also, you need to identify when you are in a bad cycle, like when you find yourself talking to your friends about the same issue over and over again. They will listen, that’s for sure, but you need to identify when you have crossed the line. And, commonly, it’s when people start yawning, looking at each other, and saying “You need to find a way to get over that.” It’s hard to hear, but it’s true. We need to face our problems in time, own responsibility for what we did wrong, try our best to solve the issues, and MOVE ON.
Another way to fall into pointless discussions is finding everything annoying when we are in a bad mood. We need to learn how to separate ourselves from the sources of the mood so we can work on them. The worst thing you can do is while angry about work, have a discussion with your partner about the dog being loud when the barking wasn’t an issue until now. We need to give every problem its time and place.
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7. Living in the past.
The past is in the past, and what’s done it’s done. If you use your time overthinking what you would have done differently, the answer will never please you. The only reason you should look at the past is to see how far you’ve come.
Thinking of what went wrong in your last relationship will take time away from your new one, you should focus on what makes you happy now. Nothing in the past can be undone, we can only learn from our mistakes and avoid making them again.
If you had a bad experience at work, or you are still mad about that boss firing you in 2016, move on. Believe me, they stopped thinking about you the minute you crossed the door. Focus on your future and your plans ahead, that’s where happiness is. Find it.
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Final thoughts
Your body and mind are your temple, and your time is your most valuable possession.
Your energy is what keeps everything running, don’t waste it on things or people that bring you down and keep you away from happiness.
You are responsible for your happiness, so work on that everyday. And by avoiding actions that drain your energy, you’ll be much happier than ever before.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: Milada Vigerova on Unsplash
