7 Crucial Lessons to Learn from My Failed Marriage

Nobody says “I do” expecting their marriage to fail. Despite the fact that only 7 out of every 1,000 couples marry, many marriages end in divorce.

There are numerous signs that a relationship is in trouble, but people fail to recognize them in time to save their marriages. This is bad news because research confirms what every divorcee already knows: divorce causes psychological distress and a decrease in life satisfaction.

You don’t have to go through a divorce to figure out how to save your marriage.

If you‘re reading this article, either your marriage is in trouble, or you want to be prepared so your marriage never is in trouble. Regardless, here are 7 crucial lessons you can learn from my failed marriage and research on thousands of failed marriages.

1. Cellphones Have the Potential to Kill

Divorce will teach you the significance of putting your phone away. Did you know that 1 in 10 couples admitted to checking their phone during sex in a phone use survey? Another 85 percent of smartphone users polled say they use their device while talking with friends and family.

According to research, multitaskers (people who use their phones while watching television or trying to have a personal conversation) are less empathetic. Their brains have less brain density in the anterior cingulate cortex, which controls cognitive and emotional control and empathy, according to MRI scans.

People who snub their partner in order to play on their phone (also known as “phubbing” or “phone snubbing”) are at risk of divorce.

Phubbing as a term was coined as part of a campaign by Macquarie Dictionary, where phubbing is defined as a habit of preferring to give more attention to a mobile phone over a spouse or a friend.

According to research, phubbing causes a decrease in marital satisfaction and an increase in depression. This behavior of ignoring someone because they are on their phone is the root cause of many relationship problems. The phubber makes the phubbee (phubbing victim) feel ignored, disrespected, and a stinging sense of relationship dissatisfaction, if not hatred.

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2. Gratitude, Gratitude, and More Gratitude

According to research, partners who express gratitude to one another have higher levels of relationship satisfaction.

They also benefit from improved communication, dedication, relationship investment, intimacy, support, and self-expansion.

Expressing gratitude also encourages responsiveness and reciprocal behavior, in which both partners willingly respond to each other’s needs.

3. Effective Communication is Critical

When seeking marriage advice, we frequently hear that communication is the foundation of a great relationship, which is correct.

Your level of communication determines how well you and your spouse can resolve disagreements, how close your marital friendship is, and how vulnerable you are willing to be with each other. According to studies, great communication leads to great sex and an increase in orgasm frequency in women.

Find someone who isn’t afraid to give you their undivided attention, listens to you without interrupting, looks for ways to solve problems as a team, and enjoys telling you about their day in your next relationship.

4. Your Happiness Is Important

It isn’t shallow or selfish to focus on your happiness or self-compassion.

When you love someone, you naturally want to spoil them emotionally and physically. You want to shower them with love, affection, and respect. These things just happen. However, until this occurs, you must protect your own interests.

Find someone who understands you, respects you, and makes you feel special. Look for someone who makes you laugh. According to research, couples who laugh together are more likely to stay together. In addition, they feel more supported and satisfied in their relationship.

It’s important to note, however, that you do not force laughter and instead create more opportunities for spontaneous and shared laughter. Laughing freely, revisiting places where you share laughter, playing fun couple games, and making inside jokes are just a few ideas to help you both break into spontaneous laughter and improve your relationship.

5. Understand Your Deal Breakers

If you’ve had a failed marriage, you probably know exactly what characteristics you don’t want in a future partner.

It’s useful to understand your deal breakers. Instead of entering a relationship with the expectation of changing bad habits, look for someone who shares your interests.

For example, are you a spiritual person looking for someone who shares your beliefs? If that’s the case, don’t give up. According to studies, couples who share a religious (or “higher power”) viewpoint are more likely to view their relationship as special and to treat their partners better than couples who do not share a religious (or “higher power”) viewpoint.

6. You Can’t Make Someone Change Their Mind

When partners believe that once they are married, their partner will change their bad habits, big problems arise.

One of the most important pieces of marriage advice is: In the end, you can’t make your partner change. Only they are capable of doing so.

If you’re starting a new relationship with someone, make sure you love their positive qualities and can tolerate their negative ones. T he odds are that they will not change anytime soon!

7. Keep Your Friendships

One of the most important lessons you can take away from a breakup is the value of maintaining your friendships.

When we are in a serious relationship, we have a tendency to neglect our friends and family. We are, after all, in love. Naturally, we want to spend all our time with our love. But consider this marriage advice: who will be there to support you if your relationship fails?

According to research, the support you receive from friends and family following a divorce, breakup, or other traumatic event can actually reduce psychological distress.

After a breakup, you will feel very alone if you have not built and maintained strong relationships with your loved ones.

Last Thoughts

By following this marriage advice, you can learn the warning signs that your marriage is in trouble so that you can try to save it sooner. You can even keep your next relationship from falling apart by learning what caused the previous one to fail.

A failed marriage does not rule out the possibility of love for you, but it is critical to learn from the mistakes of previous relationships so you can find the person that you can spend the rest of your life with.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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