Nothing makes you feel insecure like going on a date.
The butterflies on your stomach scream at you: “watch out! We like that person, and we could ruin it in a blink of an eye!” Ironically, the more you like your crush, the worst your insecurities get. The idea of finding your true love is not comforting; it’s intimidating.
What’s worse: there’s nothing you can do when your insecurity comes from your personality.
Or is there?
For years, I didn’t feel like I was smart enough. So I questioned myself every time I’d speak, not show my personality, and not take risks. This belief also changed my dating life: I thought smart guys would never find me interesting.
With time, I learned a few tricks that made me feel more confident. I thought if I looked smarter, I’d feel more open to sharing who I am.
It’s not that you should manipulate your date. But there’s nothing wrong with a confidence boost.
1. Dress the part.
No matter what self-help advice you read: looks matter. The way people perceive you dictates how they behave.
That’s why there are professionals for celebrities’ clothes, hair, gestures, and social media.
Although you’re not a celebrity and don’t work with your image, people still judge you from your looks.
Your looks send a message about who you are.
So if you want to look smart, use this judgment to your advantage. What’s the typical image associated with intelligent people? Here are a few examples: glasses, books, straight hair, blazer, and neutral colors.
Of course, this stereotype doesn’t say much about someone’s intelligence. People who wear vibrant colors can also be smart. But we’re talking about looking smart, not being smart.
It doesn’t mean people who wear vibrant colors are not intelligent. But it’s about looking smart.
Like it or not, stereotypes become stereotypes for a reason. You have two options: to complain or use them to your advantage. What do you choose?
2. Don’t use fancy words.
Dumb people have the wrong assumption that intelligent people only use fancy words. This belief couldn’t be further from the truth: smart people adjust the language to their audience.
People don’t usually use fancy words; we just say what we want to say. If you force a style that’s not yours, your date will be able to tell you’re not genuine. You won’t come across as smart: you come across as trying too hard.
Genuinely intelligent people don’t need to show they’re smart — they just are.
Don’t focus on words: focus on ideas. Share your beliefs, dreams, and interests. They matter more than the words you use.
3. Ask questions.
Contrary to what you may think, questions don’t make you sound dumb.
Smart people know they don’t know everything, and they’re comfortable with that fact. So it’s no shame to ask when you’re not familiar with a topic. It doesn’t make you dumb — it makes you humble.
Questions are a way to connect with other people. While dumb people see it as a weakness, intelligent people use it to show interest in others and make friendships.
Next time you have a question, don’t hesitate to ask. You have a lot to gain and nothing to lose.
4. Don’t act superior.
Intelligence is not a zero-sum game. If your date is smart, it doesn’t mean you’re dumb.
Intelligent people understand that other people’s intelligence has nothing to do with them.
Intelligence doesn’t make them better than others.
What truly matters is what they do with their time. And, since there’s nothing to gain, making others feel stupid is a waste of energy. So the smart choice is to focus on how they can become better.
Intelligence is not only knowing stuff. It’s how you react to things around you.
5. Focus on details.
Sherlock Holmes is the smartest character in literature — and he solves the crimes by watching details.
Smart people pay attention to details that others wouldn’t notice.
Imagine that each detail is a piece of a puzzle. What makes them smart is to combine these details to form the bigger picture. It allows them to see a situation from different angles, make better decisions, and learn more.
Noticing details forces you to slow down. So take a step back and watch the world around you.
6. Have different hobbies.
Intelligence comes from combining different types of information. When you have multiple hobbies, you develop different skills and make more connections.
Your hobbies make you look authentic and interesting for your date. What’s more interesting:
someone who goes bungee jumping or someone who watches Netflix all weekend?
Pursue different interests and watch where they take you.
7. Be kind.
People associate intelligence with scoring well on exams and having good grades. That’s a simplistic way to put it. There are multiple types of intelligence: cognitive, sports, or artistic.
Social intelligence also makes you smart.
Kindness is an act of empathy. Can you imagine how difficult it is to put yourself in other people’s shoes? At times, I can barely grasp my feelings — let alone someone else’s. It takes a genuinely smart person to understand another person’s feelings.
Sometimes being smart is not about you; it’s about others.
…
Let me be clear: the person who genuinely likes you won’t judge you for being dumb or smart. They will like you for who you are — and not try to change you.
Still, dating is a stressful experience, and a confidence boost never hurts anyone. After all, your date is a reflection of how you feel.
…
If you enjoyed this article, consider getting a Medium membership. You’ll get access to countless thought-provoking stories. If you’re a writer, here’s a great opportunity to make money: I made over $707.76 in my third month here.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
 |
—
Photo credit: Shutterstock.com
