7 Reasons the Narcissist Picked You

Are you wondering why you’re attracting narcissists? It could be your upbringing. If you were born into a dysfunctional family and grew up codependent, you’re easy prey for a narcissist. Here are 7 reasons the narcissist picked you.

You put them up on a pedestal.

When you first met the narcissist, they charmed you completely. Then easily see that you believe they’re perfect, and they can do no wrong. They are talented, smart, and witty — all the qualities you feel you don’t possess.

You placed them high up on a pedestal, and can’t believe you are so lucky to have them in your lives. You would do anything for them and they know it.

The narcissist thrives on your attention. They have someone that will admire them and give them constant adoration. They will bask in your compliments for your love is a light shining into their darkness.

They are stoked to have a person who is their number one fan — not because they had to earn it because they simply exist.

If you possess a codependent personality, you’ll attract one-sided relationships. This makes you the perfect pick for the narcissist.

You believe in the narcissist — not yourself.

You believe the narcissist is so superior to you, and they sense it. You push aside all your dreams and hopes to focus on theirs. You’ll sit in the front row at their concert, and sell their original sculptures to your friends. You’ll build them up constantly. You’ve made that your job.

They’ll get stronger in your praise, and while you’re putting all your energy into them, you will ignore all your own interests.

If you think the narcissist will care about your talent and support your creative endeavors, good luck. It’s never going to happen. They’re only focused on themselves.

You’ll lose yourself in them, but they will definitely not lose themselves in you.

You’re empathetic.

When your narcissist is going through a rough time, you’re empathetic and caring. You’ll remind them how special they are, and throw your entire soul into helping solve their problems. They’ll rant for hours about someone they’re angry with, and you’ll listen patiently and try to calm them down. You’re the most caring person in the world and they’ll be certain to take advantage of that.

You could be dying from a terminal illness, and you’ll still be the one worrying about them. You are the perfect pick for a narcissist.

You put their needs ahead of yours.

You planned to spend the day with your family, but your narcissist had a crisis. You dropped everything and ran over to their place to help. Why did you do that? Because they’re the priority, not you. You tend to be selfless and they love this about you. They don’t care at all that they ruined your day with your family, it was expected that you’d take care of them.

You’re the one running over their place with containers of homemade chicken soup when they’re don’t feel well. You bring them their favorite meatball sandwich. You let them have the last chicken nugget. You’re always placing their needs ahead of yours.

Yet when you’re sick, all the narcissist does is say get well soon, and you feel loved. You expect little in life, and they take advantage of it.

You put up with their abuse.

You’ll sit there while your narcissist berates you, scolds you, and picks on you for the most trivial things.

When they’re screaming in your face, you allow it and stay with them.

You’ll sit by brokenhearted as they flirt with others in front of you, or have the audacity to tell you how attractive they think somebody else is. They’ll think nothing of playing games with your heart and cheating on you.

They’ll bring by other admirers in their harem, just to ensure you know they have many options. They’ll rip your heart out repeatedly, and you’ll allow it.

After you get upset, make a scene, or cry, they’ll insist you’re too sensitive. They’ll relish their power and control over you. They know your self-esteem is at an all-time low and you’ll put up with abuse.

They’re quite aware they could never get away with bad behavior with other people so they’ve decided to keep you around. You’re so convenient.

It’s easy to manipulate you.

Narcissists brought manipulation to an art form. They know exactly what to say to you to get to do whatever they want.

You should be wary when they do nice things for you. Unlike normal people, narcissists won’t do something nice for you out of the kindness of their hearts. There’s always a price you must pay for some obscure favor they did for you. Now you owe them — big time.

One narcissist would volunteer his friend for jobs he didn’t want to do. She helped him out because she loved him. On the one occasion she refused him because she had an important event with old friends to attend, he guilted her about it and was furious because she had fun, and he was stuck doing the task he’d tried to get her to do for him.

She’d invited him to this event but he’d told her no. He didn’t care about her event and had no interest in accompanying her to something he didn’t want to attend. He grumbled to her about how tough his life was, saying she ruined his day for the unforgivable sin of having fun.

That’s your life with a narcissist — in a nutshell.

You’re selfless and forgiving.

Selfless and forgiving people are a magnet to the narcissist. These are the types that tolerate their narcissistic abuse. These are loving people that forgive narcissists over and over again for the hurt they’ve caused them. If you are kind, and forgiving, and selfless in the relationship, they’ll keep you around. They like to know you’ll always be there for them, no matter how cruel and cold they are to you.

Looking Ahead

If you stay with your narcissist, you’ll have an unfulfilling relationship where your needs are never met, and you’re treated like a doormat daily. That’s no way for a giving person to live. You deserve a partner that values you and treats you with the greatest love and respect.

If you see yourself in a one-sided relationship like this — let them go and never look back.

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This post was previously published on Medium.

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