With the fast pacing online dating world, the notion of first dates never get old. No matter how much information you have on the topic, it is never just enough. You have swiped someone right on your phone, they have done the same thing with you and bamn — It’s a match.
After some time and mindful conversations (or not) you are ready to meet your partner. You feel good. But now the nervousness is creeping in, the first date would be soon over your head and you are not sure what to do?
How are you to behave so that the evening (or day) has a smooth sailing, at least from your side that is. It is hard, a little bit confusing and the nervousness doesn’t help either. I mean, no matter how extroverted you are, meeting a complete stranger who holds the chance of being your future partner is a little bit scary.
Yes, that’s exactly how I explain the feeling. Scary.
Now my first advice to most of will have to be — You must be yourself and not pretend to be anyone else because a relationship that is formed on the heep of lies is doomed to fall one day and trust me even if it lives to see the light of some years, it isn’t going to be a healthy one.
Given that, it is the first date. An occasion that is meant to be special and memorable so little wooing here and there will harm no one. Besides impressing your partner on the first date itself goes a long way.
Now, coming back on the topic. It is better to focus and eventually eliminate undesirable acts than to add the desirable ones to make your first meet-up special — To elaborate this statement in a better way below are the 7 things that you should never do on a first date.
#1. Being late
This is the worst thing that you can possibly do on your first date. Why? I mean, haven’t you heard the saying — first impression is the last impression. If the starting goes well, everything will be under your control and if it went anywhere otherwise, welp only god can ensure you a second date.
Most of the people (especially women) don’t like if their date is late. Anything over the par of 15 minutes is totally unacceptable. There is nothing better to start off your date while keeping punctuality in your mind.
If you are on time then it will more likely than not show your partner that you have been looking forward to seeing them. Now who doesn’t like a little affection? I suppose everyone. At the same time, if you are running late due to a genuine reason then don’t forget to let your partner know the same in advance.
#2 Making the conversation all about yourself.
I understand if you get a little nervous on your date. I mean, you are meeting your partner for the first time, you have no idea what to expect and the surroundings aren’t settling as well so people sometimes don’t know what to talk about.
In this situation the easy task may seem like to start talking about yourself but you must understand the feeling of uneasiness is mutual.
Your partner must certainly be feeling the same thing. The right thing to do in this situation is to calm your nerves down, talk, then listen and be as much interested in their side of conversation as you are in telling them about yours. This will not only leave a good impression but will calm down the surrounding for a peaceful and content date.
Making the whole conversation about you in a way is making sure to kill the vibe of your date. Also going easy on your achievements is the right thing to do, do let them know about your achievements, something you are proud of but go a little easy.
#3. Being rude to people around you.
Being rude to anyone is a major turn off for anyone, men and women alike. You must show basic manners while talking to the staff or other people around you to gain the respect or liking of your partner.
The one who gives respect, receives it back — you must be quite familiar with this statement, true? The worst thing you can do on the first meet-up is to be rude to anyone which doesn’t necessarily have to be your partner.
How can your partner possibly believe that you won’t be rude to them in the near future just like you are acting arrogant towards the people in your near surroundings?
#4. Showing up in a unhygienic State.
In an online survey, conducted by MarketTools Inc out of 5,481 almost 42% of people said that they are not likely to date a person who doesn’t take care of his or her personal hygiene. The results were nothing too surprising.
I mean, who would even date a person that can’t even take care of themselves.
The smart thing to do here is to show up to meet your date in a well groomed state, be well dressed, have neat hair and not to forget the most important part — a good cologne or perfume to smell good. Going anywhere less in this department will most probably land you on a goodbye for good from your partner.
#5. Being on your phone all the time.
This is a totally unacceptable thing to do on a first date. Never, I repeat never give much of your attention to your phone instead of the person sitting across the table.
I understand the urge is really high, especially when it seems like there’s nothing for you to keep up the conversation going but opting for this behaviour will totally kill the conversation as well as your chance of impressing your date.
Like seriously if you just have to look at your phone all the time, why not keep exchanging texts with me, why even bother to meet me? — This is exactly what you will get if you keep up with your behaviour and if your date isn’t straightforward about it, at least this is how they will really feel about the whole situation.
#6. Talking about your past relationship.
Red alerts! This is by far the worst thing you can possibly do on a date, let alone a first date.
Whether it’s talking bad about your ex or good, whether you are criticising your ex or praising them, it’s a clear no. Never to be exact. Why? Well, if you are praising them it may come off as you are still not over your past relationships and if you are doing otherwise you may come off as a narcissistic.
It’s a dangerous territory hence going even near it is something you shouldn’t ever consider on your first date. Playing safe is the motto here.
#7. Moving too fast.
The last but definitely not the least moving too fast is never the right choice. No matter how strong a connection you feel with your date, you have to give them their time to think about you very thoroughly and set the same time you should do the same for them.
It is very important to keep in mind the pace of a relationship, doing otherwise may do your relationship more harm than good. Quickly moving up, getting too personal or demanding exclusivity even before getting to know your date well may make you come off as a control freak.
Give everything the required time and you will have the blocks of a healthy, long-term monogamous relationship.
Thank you for reading.
Please check out Shruti Pandita’s new website theviolentheart.com.
This post was previously published on Medium.
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