A Creative Soul Trapped in the Corporate World

The Compulsive Overachiever

No matter what I do in life, I succeed. On paper. It has always been like that. I manage to set some goals, get on fire, put in the work, and achieve them.

May sound arrogant. May sound great. But trust me, it’s neither of both. It’s a sort of compulsive over-achievement that I adopted throughout my life.

What I didn’t learn: Moderation, enjoyment and questioning whether that thing I am achieving is really for me.

I didn’t learn to ask: Am I on the right mission here?

Back To Square 1

I have a great position in a corporate. Literally my dream job — four years ago.

Today, I am simply suffering. By doing the job, by meeting the people who love the corporate context, by joining corporate development programs, I found one thing:

That’s not for me.

I am currently given the option to be promoted and it feels like everything I never wanted. I climbed the corporate ladder to bring myself in a really good position.

It was the wrong ladder. Compulsive overachievement. Or compulsive overadaptation?

If your soul isn’t dancing, change the song.

My Spotify just plays ‘Square 1’ by Paul Kalkbrenner. And my current situation feels exactly like that: I have to go back to square 1.

I have to endure that nagging insecurity of not really knowing what to do here. Or — I decide to stay trapped in a system that makes my soul suffer.

Searching For Bravery

The irony here is, on paper, I know exactly what to do. But my body, my whole emotional set-up resists big and risky decisions. I mean it took me 8 months to figure out which Garmin watch to buy. I built a very heavy Excel-table to make that decision (you may think maybe that girl is indeed best placed in a corporate controlling department but you are wrong!).

And now, I am right before deciding to throw my thoroughly build-up life away to live in Spain and do… something different?

The good thing is, I have flexibility. I haven’t founded an own family, and my loving family members and friends support me in moving here. I have a rock solid education and WHAT THE HECK IS HOLDING ME BACK?

Bravery. A lack of.

Manifesting on Medium

If I could choose a life I want to live straight away, I would be a sports coach (tennis and/or running) 50 percent of time and a writer the other 50 percent. I would live with my best friend in Spain. That’s it. That’s everything I want.

So maybe pouring out this article and seeing my soul black on white brings me one step closer. Maybe it helps you, too, to be honest to yourself regarding what you really want and feel.

Does your life feel right to you?

And if not, maybe writing helps.

Writing this down made me feel a lot better and more secure — even if there’s still a way to go.

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