The attachment style is based on the idea that we develop a sense of security and attachment to our caregivers. This process shows up in our romantic relationships as well.
Attachment styles define how we react to our partners and what we need from them, and the way these attachment styles manifest depends on whether we had a healthy, loving childhood.
“We are all born with the instinct to love. True attachment style is determined by early childhood experiences.”
When it comes to attachment style, many psychologists agree that how we feel about our parents and other caregivers has a profound impact on who we become in adulthood. It is essential to identify how early childhood experiences influence our behavior and relationships to understand what attachment means.
Everyone has an innate style to which they tend to gravitate. Although the different types of attachments provide a continuum of feelings and behaviors, they all can be found in varying degrees within any society or culture.
Well, there are four types of attachment styles; before talking about all four, let take a look at the definition of Attachment style theory.
What is an Attachment Style theory?
Attachment theory is a psychological theory of attachment dynamics in intimate relationships. Attachment theory is related to emotions, interpersonal relationships, and physical proximity. You must identify your attachment style to know how you will react in certain situations.
There are four different attachment styles: secure, ambivalent, avoidant-dismissing, and anxious-preoccupied.
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Secure Attachment Style
This attachment style is the healthiest of all four types of attachment styles of love.
Secure attachment style is a type of love defined by security and protection. People with a secure attachment style feel safe and protected because they know that their partner will be there for them.
Secure attachment style is typically found in children who have had stable, loving care from their parents throughout the years. When a child grows up with this type of relationship, he or she will be more likely to develop this same secure attachment style themselves. This can make it easier for them to open up about their emotions and talk about what they’re feeling without feeling threatened or unsafe in any way.
Anxious Attachment Style
The Anxious Attachment Style is characterized by feelings of insecurity, fear, and worry in interpersonal relationships. It is also called the “anxious-preoccupied” attachment style.
Anxious-preoccupied individuals are highly reactive to perceived threats and are often sensitive to their partner’s negative emotions. They seek a lot of reassurance from their partner and may be overly concerned about the relationship or their partner’s feelings for them.
People who have anxious attachment styles often feel like they need to be intimate partners for survival. The person who has this type of attachment will be fearful, cautious, and constantly worried that their partner will leave them and never return. This leads to a state of chronic jealousy and insecurity. There are also many qualities of people with this type of attachment that can be problematic for those who share their life with them. These people tend to cling to the relationship even when it is not beneficial for either partner because they feel like, without it, they would die.
While anxious-preoccupied individuals can positively use this style — they try hard to make sure their partners are happy — it can be problematic if significant others don’t meet these demands. Anxiety is often present with other styles of attachment, particularly avoidant ones.
Avoidant Attachment Style
The Avoidant Attachment Style is a fear of deep or intimate connection. If you have this style, you feel anxious and uncomfortable when someone is too close to you.
The Avoidant Attachment Style is often associated with loneliness, and loneliness can lead to other disorders like depression.
In the beginning, love was a battlefield: two people fighting for the heart and minds. But as time went on, we began to rely more on our partner’s actions rather than their words.
It is characterized by a person who tries to avoid intimacy and closeness with another person.
An individual who has an avoidant attachment style may not give their partner enough attention or support to keep their partner happy and satisfied. They are more likely to be physically detached from the other person while still considering themselves an intimate partner.
Hence, an avoidant person has difficulty feeling attached to someone else in a romantic relationship. They might become overly critical of their partner’s actions and behaviors.
Ambivalent/Conflicted Attachment Style
The Ambivalent/Conflicted Attachment Style is a particular attachment style characterized by low arousal and high anxiety. This attachment style is marked by insecurity, instability, and uncertainty in relationships.
The Ambivalent/Conflicted Attachment Style is when a person doesn’t fully love and be loved because they are not attached to their needs; they are afraid of getting close and want more than they get. People who have this attachment style may have a hard time controlling their emotions and being intimate with others. They will often act in ways that express negative emotions such as anger, jealousy, or possessiveness.
The Ambivalent/Conflicted Attachment Style is usually found in people who have experienced abuse, neglect, or abandonment as children. This could result from the fear of trusting people again after being hurt so much or due to the fear that they are not worthy enough to be loved unconditionally.
This attachment style is also often found in people who grew up with parents who were emotionally unavailable or dismissive during childhood, leading to feelings of loneliness and abandonment if not appropriately attended to as an adult.
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One reason individuals may display different attachment styles in a relationship is how they perceive each other’s needs and feelings. For example, someone who has an anxious attachment style may quickly dismiss their partner’s feelings at times. In contrast, an avoidant relationship style may not see themselves as worthy of attention.
Since humans are attached, their attachment styles vary depending on the person.
When a new person enters your life, you become attached to them, and it can be based on how they make you feel. But as time goes by, the attachment style may change.
Maintaining an open attachment style is preferred since it allows both partners to be open-minded and flexible in their relationship. When one partner is clingy and dependent on the other person, it may cause a disconnection from each other.
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Reference:
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/attachment-theory-and-the-4-attachment
https://www.regain.us/advice/attachment/what-is-ambivalent-attachment-and-what-do-you-need-to-know/
https://www.attachmentproject.com/blog/four-attachment-styles/
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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