I ponder this paradigm often as I am simultaneously grateful for the life I have chosen.
Some might contend that our lives were decided for us by soul contract before we are incarnated. I have come to believe that our lives are part personal choice/free will and part Divine Design. Sometimes, events and serendipitous meetings seem to have been written for us to have before we took our first breath this time around. Where we land in any given moment may be a combination of the two. I deny the idea that anyone who was abused, born into war, living in poverty, deprived of simple human dignity could have chosen that life for themselves.
I have a friend with whom I have conversations about that who does accept the idea that soul contracts are real. And this is someone who had a rough start, born into a family in which he was abused and he became a resilient thriver who moved through it, to become a teacher, musician and healer.
I was born into a family filled with love, where my dreams were nurtured, where I was told that I could be anything I chose. There was no abuse, no addiction, no poverty. My parents had working class jobs and we had our needs met. My parents had a nearly 52 year marriage that ended on this plane when he died in 2008. She joined him in 2010. They spoke all of the 5 Love Languages fluently and were #couplegoals.
Sadly, I never experienced what they had. While I was married for nearly 12 years before my husband died, there were paradoxes in it that I wouldn’t have consciously created and I wonder how my life would be now if we had emulated my parents’ marriage in more ways. Before and after my marriage, I was in several short term relationships, had lovers and friends with benefits. Each one taught me something, as I say that love is never wasted. Some taught me deeper self respect and acceptance. Some taught me to value myself. Some taught me what I will no longer stand for and some taught me what I no longer am willing to do without.
At this time, I am enjoying my solo, but by no means, lonely life. I have a treasure trove of friends and fulfilling experiences. I adore my grandchildren who I watch on weekday mornings. Had I not married my husband and adopted our son, had he not met his wife, my two little gurus would not be here. My son and daughter in law just celebrated their sixth anniversary and the grandkiddos are 3 1/2 and 15 months. They keep me on my toes, amaze me with the way their minds work, and melt my heart.
If I have feelings of sadness, they lift my spirits. They are my primary reasons for being a peace and social justice activist/advocate. In a different reality, none of them would be in my life. Inconceivable. And yet, in an alternate reality, what I am experiencing there might be just as fulfilling and I wouldn’t know what I would be missing.
In this incarnation, my education is in the mental health field. I have a BA in Psychology and an MSW (Master of Social Work). I took a clinical route and have been a social worker/psychotherapist in various inpatient and outpatient settings. My passion has always been reading and writing and I stumbled into becoming a wordsmith by the seat of my pants, rather than education. In 1988, my husband I began publishing Visions Magazine and it had a 10 year run. I had the joy of interviewing and writing about such notables as Ram Dass, Shirley MacLaine, Ben & Jerry, Jack Canfield, Marianne Williamson, Pete Seeger, Joan Borysenko, and Leo Buscaglia.
(This a letter from Leo following a feature story I wrote for Visions)
I imagine what my life would have been like, had I pursued a degree in Journalism and had gone to work for a newspaper or magazine. Would I have followed my spiritual path and met my husband, since we had our first encounter at a presentation given by Ram Dass? Might I even have ended up writing for The Good Men Project since my social and spiritual sensibilities were formed by the people I met when I was in college, earning my BA? I worked for a few years at a Crisis Intervention center called Together, Inc. and my co-workers who became friends and in some cases, lovers, are in my life to this day, more than 40 years later.
Would I have gone to services at a few interfaith communities, where I brought more indispensable people into my life?
If not for being a wordsmith, with a spiritual orientation, would I have taken a writing workshop with Joan Borysenko at the Sivananda Yoga Ashram in the Bahamas and also met the revered yoga teacher, Tao Porchon-Lynch who passed into the Infinite in 2020 at the age of 101?
Had I not entered into recovery from co-dependence, would I still be a people pleasing, emotional contortionist, chameleon who practiced savior behavior?
Had I not experienced a heart attack in 2014, would I still be zooming about, sleeping little and working too much? Eventually, I would have crashed and burned.
Instead, at the moment, I am typing, listening to Tracy Chapman singing Fast Car on my favorite show called Sleepy Hollow on my favorite radio station WXPN. I have an intention to go to the gym this afternoon which is more play than work.
One different decision might have any of us living elsewhere, surrounded with different people, doing different work, walking a divergent path.
In my alternate life, I might be happily married, living in big, beautiful house in the woods, a canopy of green overhead, with a trickling creek nearby. I might be a multi-best selling author. We might be financially well enough to be philanthropists who donate copious amounts of money to causes we believe in. We may have an in-house gym where we work out together. We might travel and teach together.
In another life, I might be single and do all of those things. In another life, I might be a concert pianist. I might be a clothing designer. I might be an engineer. None of these careers are in my interest and abilities basket in this lifetime.
In any and all of these lifetimes, past, future and perhaps even concurrent, I pray to be happy, healthy, loving, purposeful, finding meaning in each encounter.
What would your alternative life look life?
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: istock
