A Kinder Sense of Humor

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According to Merriam-Webster, a sense of humor is “the personality that gives someone the ability to say funny things and see the funny side of things.” That being said, a sense of humor can be a good thing to have. Still, Mark Twain said, “A sense of humor is the one thing no one will admit to not having.”

At times, life can be unfair, unkind. The capability to see the lighter side of things, the funny side of life amidst suffering and unkindness, is welcome, if not coveted.

Life doesn’t necessarily present the lighter side, the funnier side, in the death of family and loved ones, in prejudice and hatred of any kind, in violence. Tragedy is inevitable in life, perhaps by design. Yet, can we influence the aftermath of tragedy? Can we influence our experience in tragedy?

O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.”

In over 30 years of Aikido training, I get that I shall never have victory over me. Life is the continual journey of humility, of getting out of my own way, of not taking myself so seriously. Maybe, practicing a sense of humor paves that path. Just looking.

Poet Ella Wheeler-Wilcox wrote: “Laugh, and the world laughs with you.” When we laugh, the world certainly occurs less significantly, seems less serious.

Dear friend Cheryl Hunter said, “Be kind to others. Be kind to yourself.” The saying goes: Laugh with others, not at them. Maybe, have a kind sense of humor about others and about ourselves, too. Not, “Ha, ha, I’m so stupid.” Instead, “Ha, ha, I learned something new.” We don’t have to make ourselves the punchline. Just saying. What about, instead: Laugh with yourself, not at yourself. Perhaps, a Golden Rule in a Sense of Humor? Just asking.

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In the Japanese aesthetic wabi-sabi: Beauty lies in our imperfection. Cheryl said, “Life is imperfectly perfect.” Accept ourselves for who we are, and for who we are not.

Would it be awesome if I were bigger, stronger, and younger in Aikido? Hell, yeah. Sometimes training with the bigger, stronger dude, I think, “Man, if only I were only bigger and stronger, too!”

Then I hear the late Mizukami Sensei: “Make it work. Wait it out. Take a blow if you have to. Throw one time.” Yes, it would sure be easier if I were bigger, stronger, certainly younger. Still, when that bigger, stronger dude is down on the mat, I think, “Not bad for the ‘old’ guy.” A kinder sense of humor. Mad love and respect for Sensei.

On my Match dot com date with Jacqui, we met at the theater to see “Wonder Woman”. When Jacqui saw me, I got that she expected someone taller. I disclosed that I’m 5′ 3″ on my Match.com profile. Just saying.

I let it go. I had compassion for Jacqui’s disappointment. Although, there was nothing I could do. I stopped growing over 40 years ago. Again, just saying.

Maybe, Jacqui might discover something about me that she appreciated? Lightening could strike. Jacqui was amazing: sublimely hysterical, very smart, and very pretty. She graciously stayed for our date.

I didn’t take myself seriously. Nothing’s personal. I was as authentic as I could be. Jacqui and I had a fun evening. She loved “Wonder Woman”. She was surprised that she did. Jacqui didn’t see a lot of movies, aside from in-flight movies on business travel.

After the movie, we laughed and had a great conversation over dinner. Like me, she loved hamachi sushi and cucumber kimchi. She had mad love for her parents, who came to the US from Korea. Her passion was doing mission work for her Church in Africa. She poignantly shared that her ex-husband cheated on her and how that broke her heart. Jacqui was just good people.

No, I wasn’t what Jacqui was looking for. I didn’t see her again. Perhaps, her loss? No, I’m absolutely kidding. It was distinctly my loss. Yet, I moved on to what’s next.

We shared a wonderful evening together. I hope Jacqui found the new love of her life. That she fulfilled her dream of missionary work in Africa and is making a profound difference. That was meaningful to her. That became meaningful to me, too.

Having a kinder sense of humor, I get that things don’t always happen as I’d like, that life moves on as I do. Nothing’s personal. A kind sense of humor creates the space to invent what’s next with an open mind, an open heart. Life is about what’s next. Just saying.

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