John Taylor, recently diagnosed with metastatic Testicular Cancer, tells his Cancer exactly what he thinks of it.
Just want to make one thing clear at the start of this: You don’t deserve even this much attention from me. You know that, right? Though in a sense, I guess you do, considering I didn’t choose to have you in my life and yet you’re kind of hard to ignore now.
You may want to listen close to this part because it will be the only time you hear these words directed at you. Cancer, thank you. Because it is never an easy thing to face your mortality. Sometimes, for some of us, it’s what it takes to fully understand what really matters and what doesn’t, and decide to make that which really counts, actually count. I haven’t done too good of a job of that until now.
But don’t let that go to your head.
That is all the kindness you get from me. You see, Cancer, I didn’t ask for you to be a part of my life. I never would have asked for you. You will never be welcomed in my life, and in my body. I hate you. I despise you. You are a wretched fucking beast that takes and destroys callously and without prejudice. The breaker of wills and destroyer of dreams.
Who the fuck do you think you are? Who gave you the authority to throw away my dreams for the next few months? Who gave you the authorization of force to take my life as I knew it and completely turn it inside out?
Half of my days that were filled with cleaning, and getting things done, now filled with tears. I cry for me. I cry for my wife. I cry for my kids.
My poor kids.
They are only five and three. I know you know that, but you just don’t care. All they know is that daddy is sick. They don’t understand that things will get worse before better. They don’t know about the side effects of chemo, and how weak, sick, and unable their father will be. How could they possibly understand such stuff? Not only have you fucked my life up, but the lives of many people around me.
I cannot think, I cannot plan, I cannot do anything but think of you. And you are the last thing I want to have on my mind. You are the last thing I thought I would ever have on my mind. Now, you are every thought at every moment. You torment me in a silent attack on my mind, my will, and my body. Because of you, I have now given up my plans and hopes for the next few days throughout the next few months. All the nights I’ve stayed up talking with my wife about what we want to do next with our lives, all the conversations with friends about what I hope for in my life and for my family. All the aspiring thoughts in my head, gone. All because of you.
Cancer, you should know that you will not get away with this so fucking easy. Sure, I am weak, I am hurt, and I just don’t know how to make sense of anything right now. But this does not mean that I give up. I’m not just fighting you for myself. I’m fighting you for my wife, for my kids, for my parents, my sister, my friends, my neighbors.
I have a whole battalion in my corner ready to fuck you up. Through prayer, through medicine, and through pure determination, you will be defeated. I told you, Cancer, you are not welcome in my life. I know what you are up to and I’ve seen what you’ve done to other people in my life. With this in mind, myself and my troops are fully prepared for this battle.
We will never throw in the towel. I will never let you claim me. Come at me. Go ahead and come at me. Because I am here to do only one thing with you, and that’s to kick your ass. Bring what you got. I’m still here. I’m still ready. And you, Cancer, are still a wretched fucking beast, that does not belong.
To learn more about John’s fight against Cancer and how the parent-blogging community has supported him, read: Online Community Rallies to Support Dad Blogger with Cancer on The Good Feed Blog.
Keep up-to-date with John’s progress by following him on Twitter @TheDaddyYoDude
Image of cancer cells courtesy of Shutterstock