A Letter To My Future Partner

I’ve had a whole life before you. I’m glad I was able to become who I am, and that you were able to become who you are, before we meet. I love to hear stories of your life; the happy ones, and the sad ones too. I love that you’re willing to tell your stories to me. I embrace your laughter and pride just as much as your sadness and regrets. You are beautiful, and I’m glad you’re here.

I want you to know it’s not your smile that I love you for, even though when you smile I feel joy, and a gratitude that has no words. I don’t love you because I like how you feel next to me in bed at night, though the shared warmth of our sleeping bodies is my home. I don’t love you because you make a mean smoothie or because you know where to get my favorite coffee. I love you because you care about being good at things. And because you take the time to learn what I like, just to see me smile.

I don’t love you because you have a high income and a solid career. I love you because you’ve found a job you can feel proud of. You’ve manifested a way of being in the world that not only brings you money – it brings you fulfillment. I love you because you are far from perfect, and you don’t hide that from me. You let me see you falter. You let me see that sometimes you question yourself. Sometimes you’re not sure what to do or if you did the right thing, but you let me see you. You let me be a part of your world, even when it isn’t pretty. I trust you, because I know you. And I know you, because you let me.

I love you because you see me, too. You see that I’m a strong woman who has made many unhealthy choices. You see that I’ve made a lot of effort to become whole after a messy, confusing childhood, and that I’m not always ok. I love you because sometimes we are uncomfortable in our emotions, but we breathe. We cry if we need to, sometimes we argue. But we know how to clean up our messes. And I love you because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am enough for you. I know, deep in my heart, that you will never try to get your needs met by other women, even distant women on the internet. I love you because you are a spiritual person, with values, who makes daily choices to stay on his path.

You’re invested in being a person you can be proud of, and that might be the biggest reason why I love you.

I love you because you know that I’m a tomboy and you would never ask me to be any different than I am. You don’t need me to fit into a television cookie cutter model of what a sexy woman “should” be. You see my intensity and know how to dance with it, even if we’re stepping on each others’ toes and bonking our heads together a bit. Sometimes we dance through the day together, and sometimes apart. But at the end of the day we come back home.

I love you because you recognize that life is not always perfect. You know that we are in this so we can relax AND so we can work, as a team. You understand that I will not do the right thing every day, but you give me space to figure it out. We’ve spent time building our trust. Sometimes you remind me that I didn’t do the right thing, and it’s uncomfortable, but it’s ok. You know that I’m working on myself, so you help me remember who I want to be. You trust me and have faith in me, that even when I’m having a shitty week, I will come around.

You and I together, will nudge each other forward on our path of self-understanding and growth. We will become better people through our love for each other. Sometimes we’ll just sit on the rocks and hold hands.

We will ride the roller coaster of life together without damaging each other any more than we already are. We will help apply the bandages when one of us is bleeding. I love you because we will not be perfect, but we will walk the path together consciously, with purpose and humility.

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This post was previously published on Medium.com.

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