Hitting the road and changing towns is nothing new for a lot of men. Four times in the same city, though, is worth pondering.
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Hoist the hypocrisy sail on my behalf if you choose. This is about following my intuition and gut, not listening to the chattering monkeys forming their “Occupy Joe’s Head” movement.
Making solid choices and sound decisions all the time have not been my modus operandi. Growing up (not older) allows me space to hone in on what’s best for me in this moment. Right now, that includes returning to Austin, Texas; getting a job with a steady income stream; and continuing to create and write.
My outer-world picture is not made up of pretty red roses and Unicorn farts. If someone looked at those different concrete pieces and judged myself on that alone, then that individual’s perception of me might be harsh.
What about my perception around my own choices and decisions? I know that I have made plenty of mistakes. Learning from them and not repeating them is important, too. The oft-used definition for insanity – doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result – is worth mentioning.
Yet Austin? Again? This marks the fourth time that I will be living in this town. Something, somewhere, might be yelling a message at me: “Stay put, fool!”
Living in Arizona has been great. It has been a period of learning, growing internally and enjoying nature from Saguaro cactuses to mountains all around the Phoenix area.
I’ve loved living there. This marked my second time as a resident in the Grand Canyon State. But I didn’t move here from a solid mindset. It was out of financial fear and uncertainty. You know, fear can make a person do some wild stuff.
There is wreckage from my time here that needs to be corrected, and it will be done.
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In the past couple of months, a lot of soul searching has been going down. Hardcore stuff. No “pie-in-the-sky” nonsense. The mere fact that I’m able to feel and express (healthily and safely) to others some emotions kicking up inside me is growth.
For so long, the old stories and messages that either I created or have been part of “family lore” have flown around me like a swarm of bees. Taking them apart and throwing them away is making space for new opportunities and experiences.
Journaling has been a huge part of life. In fact, I have kept all of those personal journals from 1997 through today. I kept them until a couple of days ago when I consciously chose to throw them away. They went out along with two-thirds of old family pictures that have been tagging along with me for many years. Poof!
Taking that action felt freeing and sad. These pieces of my story have been with me for a long, long time. Yet if I want a different life, and mean it, then sometimes a man has to take action and show he means business.
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There are so many beautiful places to see in Texas. Would you believe that I have not seen all of them? It’s true. Blindly and unconsciously driving so many miles in numerous different cars over the past 25-plus years proves to be draining.
I shall refrain from being the state’s version of a convention and visitor’s bureau. If you’ve never seen a field full of bluebonnets before and really appreciated it, then you are missing out on a natural blessing in Texas each spring. Other states have their own rich, incredible beauty, too. Seeing the snow-capped Rocky Mountains, standing beneath Mount Rushmore, or on the National Mall in Washington, D.C., have their own special beauty.
What does “going home” mean? Many people tie that phrase around death. You know, old Joe is “going home” to be with his maker. Not yet!
My dad grew up in Austin, born and raised there and was a proud alumnus of The University of Texas at Austin. I always wanted to study at UT, yet the educational bloodlines didn’t reach me.
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Let me address the other piece of hypocrisy. I wrote a few months ago about leaving the newspaper business. Yes, I’m the same person that is taking a similar role with a company in Austin. Why? They made an offer and I accepted. What happens in the future is not worth writing about today. I needed the gig, and that’s the bottom line.
In some ways, returning to Austin feels like a reboot. It feels like I am getting another chance to finish some unfinished business.
It never occurred to me that living again in Texas or what I call my beloved Hill Country would happen.
Soon, I will see that “Austin City Limits” sign and feel like a red carpet is rolling out for me.
Not everyone can go home again and I’m not returning to my birth home of Houston or the town in which I was raised, Beaumont. Austin always has held a special spot in my soul. I look forward to living there and traveling (like by plane!) more as the years roll along.
Heh, wouldn’t it be rather hilarious if I look back at this a few years from now and see that life has different ideas than mine?
Dreams come true. Let me get my boots on and hit the road.
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Photo: Getty Images
