A Man Just Said This to Me

A few weeks ago I was out with a group of girls. My friend and I left to go to another bar. As I walked in, a man motioned to me to come toward him. It felt a little unusual.

He was nice.

He bought me a glass of wine and we talked.

I enjoyed his company.

We ended up talking for about an hour. In between our conversations, his friend kept bothering me. Each time the guy would intervene. He would step in, and tell his friend to leave me alone.

His friend had a lot to drink, he was unrelenting.

I appreciated him getting his friend to back off.

My friend walked over to tell me she was ready to leave.

“Look,” I said. “I appreciate you running interference with your friend. I’m not interested in him. But I’ve enjoyed talking to you. You seem like a nice guy so I would hang out with you again.”

“We’ll probably run into one another again here,” he said.

I could only think of one thing.

Ouch.

“Is this what men feel like? Is this what men have to tolerate when they put themselves out there? Is this the rejection guys have to withstand on the regular?”

I’m not liking it.

My second thought?

I totally deserved it.

I have made a sport out of turning down men who ask me out. I’m a good person. Really, I am. It’s because of an overly long, and abusive divorce. I’m gun shy. I’m hesitant despite wanting to meet a good guy.

I have been asked out by nice guys.

I’ve turned them down.

Turnabout is fair play.

In my defense, talk about mixed messages. The man motioned to me when I had barely stepped foot inside the place. He wanted to buy me a glass of wine. He spent an hour talking to me.

In that regard, maybe he decided I wasn’t for him.

I’m not for everyone.

I’m chatty, and I’m a smart ass.

The crazy thing?

I didn’t think anything of him to begin with. He wasn’t unattractive but I wouldn’t have said he was wildly attractive either. He was nice with a mellow personality. He was probably a few years older than me.

I liked his chivalry.

I liked how sweet he was when his friend was literally in my face.

That’s the irony.

I got rejected by a man (which again) I totally deserved. But he wasn’t a guy I would have picked out to begin with. He was a guy who won me over.

Evidently, I did not win him over.

That’s life dating in the wild.

But all’s well that ends well.

I couldn’t stop laughing, neither could my friends. I had to tell them about my humiliating experience. It somehow felt better when shared.

Fortunately, I’m a realist.

After the initial burn, it didn’t bother me.

It made me appreciate the plight of men.

I’m not sure I would put myself out there if I was a guy.

Not sure I could withstand it on the regular.

Still, the irony was not lost on me. I didn’t necessarily like this guy. I appreciated how good he had been to me. I got rejected by a guy I wasn’t pining over. I’m not sure if that makes it worse, or better.

It reminds of a college memory.

It’s not my best memory.

My friend knew a guy who broke up with his girlfriend. He was devastated. My friend was worried about him since they were old friends. She begged me to go out with him. She said he was depressed.

I wasn’t interested.

She was unrelenting, and I finally caved.

He never showed up.

It turns out that once his girlfriend found out he had a date, she got jealous, and wanted him back. Again, I tend to have a good sense of humor, it ended up being funny.

But I was only stood up once in my life!

By a guy I never wanted to go out with.

I was doing a favor.

Okay, it’s still kind of funny years later.

But you get my point. I’m not sure I’ll be telling any guy I have an interest in going on a date with him. Especially, out of gratitude for rescuing me from another man.

I will leave rejection, and humiliation to the men who have endured it for years.

I’ll have a new appreciation for their romantic risk taking.

But this girl…

I’m out.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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