Shaking my head at the latest declaration uttered by VP candidate JD Vance who agreed with a podcast host that post-menopausal women should be relegated to the role of raising their grandchildren. As it happens, I AM a post-menopausal (65 years old) grandmother who, since their births have been on the caregiving team, along with my son, daughter-in-law, her parents and sister. I tell my 2 year old granddaughter and 4 year old grandson that they are my favorite people on the planet and they believe me. Before they were even born, my son told me that they would be the center of my universe. I scoffed at the idea, but he was right. I call being a grandparent, ‘love on steroids’. For people who are not in that demographic, it is hard to describe.
My grandkids know that after leaving their house on weekday mornings so mom and dad go to work (she is a teacher, he is a manager) when the next shift takes over, I go to my full time job as a psychotherapist. They also know that I go to the gym, have friends, go to parties, go on vacation; essentially having a life that doesn’t involve them.
I grew up in a home in which my maternal grandmother lived with us until she died when I was four and then my paternal grandmother lived with us when I was a tween until she died when I was 13 or 14. Both had been widowed fairly young. Neither remarried. I don’t recall if they dated. I was widowed at 40 and have dated over the years with short term relationships but have not met anyone with whom I could see being a life partner. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. Either way, I am content. Perhaps my grandmothers thought their lives were to be dedicated to their children and grandchildren. A different era for sure. I don’t recall either of them talking politics. Both were American citizens- my maternal grandmother by birth and my paternal grandmother by choice. She was a Russian immigrant who came here at 16.
I challenge Vance’s contention that single cat ladies and post-menopausal grandmothers are required to be lonely (in the first case) or be expected to raise their grandchildren. I do it from love, not obligation. My son and daughter-in-law are grateful for our family day care system.
This post-menopausal grandmother is decidedly outspoken about the state of our country as we face a decisive election that is not just about two candidates, but about two values systems, two visions for the United States. Some of what I say has pushed buttons, raised hackles, attracted criticism. I have been told that I am too political, too angry, too divisive, too judgmental, not the peacemaker I claim to be. I have taken a deep dive lately and considered the dichotomy of wanting the world to be a better place, a safer place, a more embracing place for those on the margins. I have been told I don’t have the right to attempt to change anyone’s mind since we have the right to see life through our own lenses. Just like there is no way on Earth I would vote for the Trump/Vance ticket for what I consider legitimate reasons, there are those who would never in a million years vote for the Harris/Walz ticket for their own reasons. This post-menopausal woman wants a safe, healthy future for her grandchildren and everyone else’s grandchildren for generations to come.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
