Accepting Anxiety: Connecting to Core Values

Accepting Anxiety: Connecting To Core Values

Accepting anxiety is about not fighting it and choosing to engage in life rather than react with resistance to anxious fear.

But when anxiety disorders like panic disorder, OCD, or agoraphobia take hold, one of the most challenging aspects is figuring out how to respond when anxiety gets triggered. Should you keep engaging with life? Take a break? Try to distract yourself? Face the feelings head-on? When anxiety is demanding that you retreat to safety, knowing the “right” response can feel impossible.

While there’s no magic formula that makes these decisions easy, many people discover through their recovery journey that connecting with their values – what truly matters to them – can provide a compass when anxiety has them feeling lost.

Values vs Goals

Values aren’t goals we achieve or boxes we check off. They’re more like directions we keep moving in, guidelines that help inform our choices moment by moment. They’re about how we want to travel through life rather than reaching specific destinations.

Consider someone dealing with agoraphobia faced with attending their child’s school performance. Anxiety might be screaming to stay home where it’s “safe.” In this moment, connecting with values – being present for their children, being involved in their important moments – can help inform the next move.

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Or think about someone with OCD at a family gathering, experiencing intrusive thoughts that make them incredibly uncomfortable. The immediate urge might be to leave or perform rituals to make the thoughts stop. But connecting with their value of being present with family might help them choose to stay, even while those uncomfortable thoughts and feelings are there.

Back To The ACT Triflex

This approach connects to what Dr. Russ Harris calls the ACT Triflex – being present, opening up, and doing what matters. Being present allows us to notice our anxiety mindfully. Opening up creates space for difficult feelings. Connecting with values helps guide our actions, even with anxiety present.

Importantly, choosing value-guided actions depends heavily on those first two skills. Without the ability to notice what’s happening when triggered, without creating some space between ourselves and our anxious experience, trying to act on values can feel overwhelming or impossible. When we’re caught up in the storm of anxiety, when we haven’t learned to step back and observe what’s happening, when we’re still automatically fighting against or running from our experience – that’s when choosing meaningful action feels most confusing and difficult.

Sometimes We Sit With It … Sometimes We Don’t Sit With It (But We Do)

Sometimes, living according to values means staying engaged with life while anxiety is present. Other times, it might mean pausing to be with anxiety mindfully, learning through direct experience that while uncomfortable, it isn’t actually dangerous. Our brains are wired to react automatically to threat, real or perceived. Resisting anxiety, fighting it, or trying to escape often feels like the most logical response in the moment. And yes, giving in to these urges might provide temporary relief.

But that temporary relief often comes at the cost of moving away from what matters most to us. Each time we choose instant comfort over values, we reinforce the idea that anxiety is something we can’t handle, something we need to avoid at all costs.

Patience and Practice

Learning to pause, connect with values, and choose a meaningful response takes time and practice. There’s no shortcut or quick fix. But this approach leads to a life that feels more meaningful and fulfilled, even if anxiety remains part of the journey.

Try spending some time reflecting on your values. What truly matters to you? What kind of person do you want to be? How do you want to show up in your relationships, work, and life? These answers can serve as your compass when anxiety feels overwhelming.

Remember, the goal isn’t to never feel anxious – it’s to be able to feel anxious and still move in directions that matter to you. Sometimes that movement might be small, and that’s okay. What matters is that it’s guided by your values rather than controlled by your anxiety.

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This post was previously published on The Anxious Truth.

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