After Date Aftercare

We had just said our goodbyes after a night of eating good food, having a great conversation, and some late-night debauchery. As I drove home, I found myself still high on a wave of dopamine-fueled good feelings thinking of everything that had transpired over the course of the evening.

As I woke up the next day, I found myself not surrounded by the warmth and pleasure of the previous evening, but rather enveloped in a cloud of sadness. I looked around at the laundry that needed to be folded, the emails waiting to be answered, and the coffee that just didn’t seem to help boost my mood.

So why after a great night was I feeling so down?

If you have ever walked away from a wonderful date night only to find yourself feeling blue in the days that followed, perhaps you too needed some post-date aftercare.

What is aftercare?

Aftercare is the post-sex activities that you and your partner perform after sex. For some people, they may need cuddling, conversation, or even taking a shower. Aftercare can be different for different people and always them to come down from the intense feelings of sex to become more relaxed and at ease.

According to Broadgate GP, “[aftercare] will also help you create a more personal and more profound connection with your sexual partner. Those who don’t carry out any form of aftercare don’t have a bond as strong as those who do; it is all down to the nurturing side of Sex.”

Does it have to be about sex?

While aftercare is essential for helping you and your partner relax and reconnect after sex, the same could be said for bonding activities that stem from a particularly memorable date or even an evening out with a friend.

Like sex, a period of time that you and your date are bonding can share some of the same intimacies as sex. Sharing personal histories like your childhood and showing vulnerability can help you to feel more connected, thus bringing about those feelings of sadness once you are apart.

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Recognizing the time you spent together

Did you get the night off from your kids, spouse, or roommate?

Coming back to the reality of your day-to-day life after a special time together with someone can be a downer in itself. You have obligations that you were able to forgo for the time with your partner or friend that you are now facing head-on.

Just like coming home from a great vacation to find a pile of bills, a dead houseplant, or in my case, an insect infestation, it is important to recognize that the time you spent with your partner or loved one was memorable and meaningful (even if it was only an escape for a few hours).

How to give post-date aftercare

If you have found yourself feeling sadness after a date, then it is important to recognize what might be triggering your feelings. Whether it’s based on a desire to decompress after sex or from a particularly engaging or intimate evening with a friend, understanding what might have caused your feelings of sadness can help you to know what aftercare you may need.

The beauty of aftercare is that it can be different for everyone. Some people may need to talk afterward and others may want to hug or cuddle. Perhaps you are getting ready to part for the night and you feel an overwhelming urge to embrace your friend. Asking or approaching them for a hug might be the aftercare you need to feel the closure and comfort for your time together. For me, making plans for our next visit and giving and receiving physical touch can be comforting.

Asking your partner or friend what they need to end the date may seem silly or unnatural, but it could be the difference between you or your partner feeling good afterward. Communication is never silly when it is meaningful and intentional.

How to ask for post-date aftercare

After feeling sad after the dates my partner and I had recently had, I finally told him that I needed to figure out how we could end the night so that we both felt good the next day. We were already texting and talking on the phone, so I decided that I just needed to tell him that I was feeling sad. For me, just stating my emotion was enough for him to validate how I was feeling and remind me that we had a future date planned.

Ask and you shall receive can be a crucial step in your post-date aftercare. Once you have identified what is causing you to feel sad (such as missing your partner or friend), then you can figure out what would make you feel more relaxed and comforted.