A year or so ago, I wrote about hashtags. I wish I could say that a lot has changed in that year, but I fear that there is much more to do. My focus then and now is on what has happened since so many of us proclaimed #MeToo and #TimesUp.
Like many women and girls, I proclaimed, Me Too. And, like most, mine was not a one-time experience but rather a lifetime of inappropriate comments, catcalls, and unwanted sexual contact. As I’ve written before, I’m glad the Hollywood and USA Gymnastics scandals had us talking about powerful men who abuse that power. But it isn’t just men in power who commit these same acts of sexual harassment, abuse, and assault. Men harass women and girls in the streets, at the stores, in schools. Everywhere. Simply acknowledging it helped elicit conversation and some solidarity, but it wasn’t nearly enough.
I am 45 years old. Not long ago, I experienced unwanted sexual conduct from someone half my age. The only power he has over me is that he’s a man who feels he’s entitled to say and do as he pleases to women. I have been catcalled by boys recently out of high school on the campus where I teach nearly on a daily basis—a university with a commitment to social justice. A random guy at the gym thinks it’s OK to make a lewd comment about my weight, while another one at the market felt it was complimentary to mutter about my body to the poor female cashier, as if she wanted to hear his verbal diarrhea. As I drove to present a version of this piece at the Miami Women’s March second annual event last year, a man pulled up next to me so he could make a vulgar sexual gesture.
So, yeah, Me Too. Speaking up matters. Shedding light on the scope of these problems to those who had inexplicably missed it, matters. Solidarity matters. And no, I do not believe this is fake feminism. But now what?
Celebrities like Emma Watson, Reese Witherspoon, and Shonda Rhimes launched #TimesUp as perhaps a next step. With their attention, which wonderfully dominated the Golden Globes, they’ve also started a legal defense fund to help individuals come forward without fear of legal, career, or financial retaliation. This is great: they’ve pledged to help create a cultural shift that will end sexual harassment.
That’s where things get a bit more vague. What does that look like? And how does it happen? Stories and accountability are elements of it, but they alone do not shift the culture.
Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free
Perhaps some other hashtag ideas can be helpful here. I have to admit, I’m not that big of a hashtagger, so forgive me if some of these may already be in circulation. But, how about #Iwilldisruptit? Someone saw or heard all of the instances I mentioned earlier, and in most cases of harassment, abuse and assault, that is true. What if in addition to being committed to speak up as persons who have been victimized, we also committed to speak up when we see or hear troublesome comments or behavior? Some of us do this, others need to start doing it.
Or how about #teachkidsgenderequality? If we want to change our culture, we need to socialize both boys and girls differently. All kids need to know that no one is entitled to control your decisions and your bodies but you. I am guilty of being too nice, of too easily dismissing or forgiving. Many of us are. And yet I’m pissed off that I still have to live in this rape culture and that my daughter does too. As BarbaraKingsolver so importantly wrote, “Feminine instincts for sweetness and apology have no skin in this game.” As this last year has affirmed, when women channel their anger about gender inequality, amazing things happen.
I’m sure we can think of many more ideas—and they are that, not just hashtags—that will help transform our culture into one in which women don’t face these daily microaggressions. The 2018 midterm elections that brought a record number of women to public office, including lesbian women, women of many faiths, and women of color, can potentially be a big step. But it remains on all women—and the progressive men who support us—to stay vigilant, to disrupt male entitlement when we can, and to make things better for both our daughters and our sons.
We are proud of our SOCIAL INTEREST GROUPS—WEEKLY PHONE CALLS to discuss, gain insights, build communities— and help solve some of the most difficult challenges the world has today. Calls are for Members Only (although you can join the first call for free). Not yet a member of The Good Men Project? Join below!
All levels get to view The Good Men Project site AD-FREE. The $50 Platinum Level is an ALL-ACCESS PASS—join as many groups and classes as you want for the entire year. The $25 Gold Level gives you access to any ONEÂ Social Interest Group and ONE Class–and other benefits listed below the form. Or…for $12, join as a Bronze Member and support our mission, and have a great ad-free viewing experience.
Register New Account
Please note: If you are already a writer/contributor at The Good Men Project, log in here before registering. (Request new password if needed).
◊♦◊
ANNUAL PLATINUMÂ membership ($50 per year) includes:
1. AN ALL ACCESS PASS — Join ANY and ALL of our weekly calls, Social Interest Groups, classes, workshops and private Facebook groups. We have at least one group phone call or online class every day of the week.
2. See the website with no ads when logged in!
3. MEMBER commenting badge.
*** ANNUAL GOLD membership ($25 per year) includes all the benefits above — but only ONE Weekly Social Interest Group and ONE class.
*** ANNUAL BRONZE membership ($12 per year) is great if you are not ready to join the full conversation but want to support our mission anyway. You’ll still get a BRONZE commenting badge, and you can pop into any of our weekly Friday Calls with the Publisher when you have time. This is for people who believe—like we do—that this conversation about men and changing roles and goodness in the 21st century is one of the most important conversations you can have today.
Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free
♦◊♦
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
Laura Finley, Ph.D., is Associate Professor of Sociology & Criminology at Barry University. She is the author, co-author or editor of 28 books and numerous articles and chapters. In addition, Dr. Finley is a community activist for peace, justice and gender equality. https://facebook/laura.finley.52
I vow to disrupt the kind of puerile and disgusting male behavior that you describe as having been directed towards you, whenever and wherever I observe or encounter it.
It makes me feel ashamed to be male.
This crap has to stop now!
We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies.
This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
Cookie
Duration
Description
__stripe_mid
1 year
This cookie is set by Stripe payment gateway. This cookie is used to enable payment on the website without storing any patment information on a server.
__stripe_sid
30 minutes
This cookie is set by Stripe payment gateway. This cookie is used to enable payment on the website without storing any patment information on a server.
ARRAffinity
session
ARRAffinity cookie is set by Azure app service, and allows the service to choose the right instance established by a user to deliver subsequent requests made by that user.
ASP.NET_SessionId
session
Issued by Microsoft's ASP.NET Application, this cookie stores session data during a user's website visit.
checkForPermission
10 minutes
This cookie is set by the provider bidr.io. This cookie is used for determining whether the user has accepted the cookie consent box.
connect.sid
6 days 3 hours
This cookie is used for authentication and for secure log-in. It registers the log-in information.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics
11 months
This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional
11 months
The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary
11 months
This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others
11 months
This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance
11 months
This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
JSESSIONID
session
Used by sites written in JSP. General purpose platform session cookies that are used to maintain users' state across page requests.
SERVERID
10 minutes
This cookie is used to assign the user to a specific server, thus to provide a improved and faster server time. It remembers which server had delivered the last page on to the browser. It also helps in load balancing.
sessionId
session
This cookie is used by the website to store the user's session ID.
ts
1 year
PayPal sets this cookie to enable secure transactions through PayPal.
viewed_cookie_policy
11 months
The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
Cookie
Duration
Description
__kuid
7 days
This cookie is used to collect information of the visitors, this informations is then stored as a ID string. The ID information strings is used to target groups having similar preferences, or for targeted ads.
__qca
1 year 26 days
The __qca cookie is associated with Quantcast. This anonymous data helps us to better understand users' needs and customize the website accordingly.
_cc_aud
8 months 26 days
The cookie is set by crwdcntrl.net to collect statistical data such as the number of visits, average time spent on site, and what pages have been loaded, for targeted advertising.
_cc_cc
session
The cookie is set by crwdcntrl.net to collect statistical data such as the number of visits, average time spent on site, and what pages have been loaded, for targeted advertising.
_cc_dc
8 months 26 days
The cookie is set by crwdcntrl.net to collect statistical data such as the number of visits, average time spent on site, and what pages have been loaded, for targeted advertising.
_cc_id
8 months 26 days
The cookie is set by crwdcntrl.net to collect statistical data such as the number of visits, average time spent on site, and what pages have been loaded, for targeted advertising.
_fbp
3 months
This cookie is set by Facebook to display advertisements when either on Facebook or on a digital platform powered by Facebook advertising, after visiting the website.
_kuid_
5 months 27 days
The cookie, set by Krux Digital, registers a unique ID that identifies a returning user's device. The ID is used for targeted ads.
_nauid
1 year 5 months 22 days
The domain of this cookie is owned by N.Rich. The cookie is used for targeting and advertising purposes.
_rxuuid
1 year
The main purpose of this cookie is targeting, advertesing and effective marketing. This cookie is used to set a unique ID to the visitors, which allow third party advertisers to target the visitors with relevant advertisement up to 1 year.
A1S
session
This cookie is associated with Yahoo Search Analytics and is used for advertising purposes.
ab
1 year
Owned by agkn, this cookie is used for targeting and advertising purposes.
AFFICHE_W
1 year 1 month 1 day
The domain of this cookie is owned by Weborama Software. This cookie is used for targeting and advertising purposes. It helps in tracking the visitor and serving them with relevant ads.
am-uid
2 years
This cookie is set by Admixer. The cookie is used to collect visitor behaviour from mutiple websites for serving them with relevant ads based on their preference.
ANON_ID_old
3 months
This cookie helps to categorise the users interest and to create profiles in terms of resales of targeted marketing. This cookie is used to collect user information such as what pages have been viewed on the website for creating profiles.
APIDTS
1 day
A Yahoo cookie that is used to target relevant content and advertisements on the Yahoo platform.
audience
1 year
The domain of this cookie is owned by Spotxchange. This cookie is used for targeting and advertising.
avnguid
1 year
This cookie is used to set an unique ID for the visitors which helps third party advertisers to target the visitor with relevant advertisement.
B
session
This Cookie is used by Yahoo to anonymously store data related to user's visits, such as the number of visits, average time spent on the website and what pages have been loaded. This data helps to customize website content to enhance user experience.
bito
1 year 1 month
This cookie is set by bidr.io for advertisement purposes.
bitoIsSecure
1 year 1 month
This cookie is set by the provider Bidr. The main purpose is targeting and advertising. This cookie is used to serve the user with relevant advertisement based on real time bidding.
bsw_sync
1 year
This cookie is set by the provider Getintent. This cookie is used for tracking visitors on multiple websites inorder to serve them with relevant advertisement based on user's interest.
chkChromeAb67Sec
3 months
PubMatic sets this cookie for testing purposes on Google Chrome browsers with a version above 67.
CMID
1 year
The cookie is set by CasaleMedia. The cookie is used to collect information about the usage behavior for targeted advertising.
CMPRO
3 months
CMPRO cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking, and for targeted advertising.
CMPS
3 months
CMPS cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking based on user's website visits, for displaying targeted ads.
CMRUM3
1 year
CMRUM3 cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking based on user's website visits, for displaying targeted ads.
CMST
1 day
The cookie is set by CasaleMedia. The cookie is used to collect information about the usage behavior for targeted advertising.
done_redirects104
1 day
This cookie is set by the provider Onaudience.com. This cookie is used for targeting and advertising purposes.
dpm
5 months 27 days
The dpm cookie, set under the Demdex domain, assigns a unique ID to each visiting user, hence allowing third-party advertisers to target these users with relevant ads.
EE
4 months
eXelate sets this cookie to store information like number of user visits, average time spent on the website, and the pages that have been loaded, for targeted advertising.
EQUser
3 months
This cookie is set by the provider Eqads. This cookie is used for registering unique ID for identifying the returning user's device. The ID is used for targeting Ads to the user.
everest_g_v2
1 year
The cookie is set under the everesttech.net domain to map clicks to other events on the client's website.
fr
3 months
Facebook sets this cookie to show relevant advertisements to users by tracking user behaviour across the web, on sites that have Facebook pixel or Facebook social plugin.
gi_u
1 year
The cookie is set by Adhigh. The cookie is used for ad serving purposes and track user online behaviour. The cookie also stores the number of time the same ad was delivered, it shows the effectiveness of each ad.
HAPLB5S
session
This cookie is set by the provider Sonobi. This cookie is used to track the visitors on multiple webiste to serve them with relevant ads.
i
1 year
This cookie is set by OpenX to record anonymized user data, such as IP address, geographical location, websites visited, ads clicked by the user etc., for relevant advertising.
id
1 year 1 month
Set by Google DoubleClick, this cookie is used to create user profiles to display relevant ads.
IDE
1 year 24 days
Google DoubleClick IDE cookies are used to store information about how the user uses the website to present them with relevant ads and according to the user profile.
IDSYNC
1 year
This cookie is used for advertising purposes.
KADUSERCOOKIE
3 months
The cookie, set by PubMatic, registers a unique ID that identifies a returning user's device across websites that use the same ad network. The ID is used for targeted ads.
KCCH
1 day
PubMatic sets this cookie to ensure that a PubMatic user ID is already set and that PubMatic’s code is running properly.
khaos
1 year
Rubicon Project sets this cookie as an internal user identifier that stores user data to be used for analytics.
KTPCACOOKIE
session
The cookie, set by PubMatic, registers a unique ID that identifies a returning user's device across websites that use the same ad network. The ID is used for targeted ads.
ljtrtb
session
Lijit Advertising Platform sets this cookie temporarily, when multiple partners pass their IDs to the platform simultaneously. To avoid conflicts, each partner's ID is stored using separate cookies, which are merged to the ljtrtb cookie when it is available.
mako_uid
1 year
.eyeota.net sets this cookie to collect data about the users' visit to the website such as the pages visited. A users' profile is then created in terms of their interest and demographic and is used for targeted advertising.
matchfreewheel
1 month
The cookie is provided by w55c.net. This cookie is used for targeting and advertising purposes. This cookie sets a unique ID for the visitors which helps in serving relevant ads by third party advertisers.
mc
1 year 1 month
Quantserve sets the mc cookie to anonymously track user behaviour on the website.
mdata
1 year 1 month
The domain of this cookie is owned by Media Innovation group. This cookie registers a unique ID used to identify a visitor on their revisit inorder to serve them targeted ads.
mt_misc
1 month
This cookie is set by Mediamath and is used for advertising purposes.
Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
Cookie
Duration
Description
__gads
1 year 24 days
The __gads cookie, set by Google, is stored under DoubleClick domain and tracks the number of times users see an advert, measures the success of the campaign and calculates its revenue. This cookie can only be read from the domain they are set on and will not track any data while browsing through other sites.
_ga
2 years
The _ga cookie, installed by Google Analytics, calculates visitor, session and campaign data and also keeps track of site usage for the site's analytics report. The cookie stores information anonymously and assigns a randomly generated number to recognize unique visitors.
_ga_1QDK5WQM31
2 years
This cookie is installed by Google Analytics.
_gat_gtag_UA_16739000_1
1 minute
Set by Google to distinguish users.
_gid
1 day
Installed by Google Analytics, _gid cookie stores information on how visitors use a website, while also creating an analytics report of the website's performance. Some of the data that are collected include the number of visitors, their source, and the pages they visit anonymously.
ANON_ID
3 months
This cookie is provided by Tribalfusion. The cookie is used to give a unique number to visitors, and collects data on user behaviour like what page have been visited. This cookie also helps to understand which sale has been generated by as a result of the advertisement served by third party.
APID
1 year
This cookie is used to store information of how a user behaves on multiple websites. This information is them used to customize the relevant ads to be displayed to the users.
auid
1 year
This cookie register a unique ID which identifies the user browser from visiting the webistes. This cookie collects the statistical data of the visitor for serving targeted ads.
browser_id
7 days
This cookie is used for identifying the visitor browser on re-visit to the website.
CONSENT
2 years
YouTube sets this cookie via embedded youtube-videos and registers anonymous statistical data.
demdex
5 months 27 days
The demdex cookie, set under the domain demdex.net, is used by Adobe Audience Manager to help identify a unique visitor across domains.
eud
1 year 24 days
This cookie is owned by Rocketfuel and collects anonymous user data to target audiences and deliver personalized ads.
GUC
session
The GUC cookie is set by Yahoo for Yahoo conversion tracking.
sync-his
1 year
The domain of this cookie is owned by Videology.This cookie is used in association with the cookie "tidal_ttid". This cookie is used to keep track of the last day when the user ID synced with a partner. This is done by matching "tidal_ttid" with a partner's user ID inorder to recognise the same user.
UserID1
3 months
The cookie sets a unique anonymous ID for a website visitor. This ID is used to continue to identify users across different sessions and track their activities on the website. The data collected is used for analysis.
uu
1 year
This cookie is used to identify the users movements across the website and to sell targeted ads.
Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
Cookie
Duration
Description
__cf_bm
30 minutes
This cookie, set by Cloudflare, is used to support Cloudflare Bot Management.
_uid
5 months 27 days
AddThis sets this cookie to enable the visitors to share the web pages on social platforms via sharing buttons on the website.
audit
1 year
This cookie is set by Rubicon Project and is used for recording cookie consent data.
pid
1 year 1 month
Twitter sets this cookie to enable the use of Twitter related features from the webpages users visit.
PugT
1 month
PubMatic sets this cookie to check when the cookies were updated on the browser in order to limit the number of calls to the server-side cookie store.
SPugT
1 month
PubMatic sets this cookie to track when the server-side cookie store was last updated for the browser.
ss
1 year
This cookie is set by the provider Eventbrite. This cookie is used for the functionality of website chat-box function.
Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
Cookie
Duration
Description
d
3 months
Quantserve sets this cookie to anonymously track information on how visitors use the website.
extendtv_user_id
2 years
The domain of this cookie is owned by ZypMedia. This cookie is used for collecting data on user behaviour with the website video content. This collected information is used for making the video content more relevant.
guid2
1 year
This cookie is set by the provider Delta projects. This cookie is used to track the individual sessions on the website, which allows the website to compile statistical data from multiple visits. This generated data is used for creating leads for marketing purposes.
gwsi
1 year
This cookie is set by Widespace. This cookie is used to store data on visitors from multiple visits on multiple websites. The collected is used to analyse the efficiency of ads.
INGRESSCOOKIE
session
This cookie is used for load balancing and session stickiness. This technical session identifier is required for some website features.
pdomid
1 year 1 month
This cookie is provided by the Smartadsserver. This cookie is used to distribute the traffic between the smart's server. It stores the data of the server SQL ID associated with an end user.
I vow to disrupt the kind of puerile and disgusting male behavior that you describe as having been directed towards you, whenever and wherever I observe or encounter it.
It makes me feel ashamed to be male.
This crap has to stop now!