My oldest daughter will be graduating from college in a few weeks.
This means that not only will she be faced with the prospect of becoming a full-fledged adult, complete with all stresses, debts and responsibilities that entails, but that we — as her parents — will also need to figure out what the hell to do with all the crap from her dorm.
We’re thinking massive yard sale. If you are in need of a small fridge or microwave, message me privately.
My girl will be donning her cap and gown much the same way 4,000,000 other kids will be at the same time, as they exit the comfort of their dorms and classrooms and into the evil of the corporate world.
Four. Million.
If you’ve read my other article, Don’t Let The Scholarships Sail, you’d know that each of those kids is graduating with an average of about $40k in college debt. It sounds daunting, but that’s about half of what I paid for groceries at Whole Foods just last week so it’s not that bad.
But, imagine walking off that graduating stage, and realizing that all that debt is now yours and yours alone.
Hopefully, your child has set himself or herself up for success after college. They’ve studied hard, gotten recommendations and already interned or put in job applications for places within their field of study.
That’s my current job for my daughter: poring through Indeed and Monster job postings, looking for her perfect match while she focuses on finals and packing up 400 boxes of goldfish crackers.
My girl entered college majoring in Biology. Given the state of STEM careers these days, it seemed a logical choice where she could branch off into a million different paths.
Then, she decided to change her major to Zoology after her first semester.
Suddenly, that massive job market shrunk to her trying to find a job as a zookeeper where, you know, the zoos are open year-round. We currently live in New Hampshire and I think there are two zoos in an 80-mile radius which are only open from April to September because it’s frigging COLD up here, people, and no one wants to go to a zoo in a snowsuit to see tigers bundled up in Snuggies.
So, she’s facing an uphill battle, but she certainly isn’t alone. On the bright side, she’s probably one of 30 other graduates coming out of college with a Zoology Degree so if something opens up at Monkey Land, she has a pretty good shot.
She’ll find her way, though.
Even though she’s out of school, she still has parents who will help her and guide her along her way. Mainly because we want her moved out so my wife can turn her room into a crafting den, but also because we are committed to our children succeeding in life.
Aside from the job hunting, she — and every other graduate — will face the prospect of what to do next, and where to do it. Sure, living with the parents is still an option for a while, but a big part of raising children is kicking them out of the house so we can have some quiet time, so that probably won’t last very long. But moving out takes money (see “job” section above).
According to World Population Review, the average rent in the United States in 2020 was just over $1,000 a month.
According to Lending Tree, the average car payment was just over $600 a month.
Gobanking.com says the average food bill is $400 a month for single people.
We are now up to $2,000 a month to just live somewhere, and drive to the grocery store and back. Add in those $40,000 in college loans, living expenses and the fact that a gallon of gas now costs almost as much as the car you are putting it into, and you’re close to $3,000 a month which is, believe it or not, $200 lower per month than the average estimate.
The average salary for college graduates is $55,000. I assume zookeepers are on the low side of that spectrum, but if you’re pulling in $55k, you can expect $365 extra in your pocket each week.
$365 a week.
That’s what you get for sixteen years of schooling, countless hours of studying, partying, writing, lecturing, interning and cramming. You get $365 a week to play with after life’s necessities are taken care of. I should probably mention here that you may not want to get a credit card at this point, because that $365 a week will get burned through pretty fast if your Visa has annual 16% interest rate and you’re making minimum payments.
Godspeed.
Adulting sucks. There’s just nothing good about it.
I hope you enjoyed the days in college of not having a class until noon, because now you are up at 5 AM to get into your $600-a-month car and sit in traffic for three hours to get to a job that you will decide you don’t like in six months and OHMYGOD WHY DID I CHOOSE HISTORY AS A COLLEGE MAJOR. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. All jobs suck.
See those people up there, laughing and joking during a work meeting? LIES. Work is a miserable pit of despair. My company once had a “Decorate Your Cubicle” event for Halloween and I just put a sign outside mine that said “Place Where Hope Comes to Die.” I won. It was glorious. I still didn’t laugh like these assholes in that picture, though.
I’ve digressed.
In fact, only about 27% of college graduates work in the field of their major. I, in fact, have a Degree in Architectural Engineering, but am sitting here writing on Medium hoping to make $5 each month in royalty fees.
I’ve worked as a chef, land surveyor, ski salesman, septic system designer (licensed in the State of New Hampshire), network manager, technical support, software quality assurance and — finally (hopefully) — my current job as a software engineer.
I wanted to design buildings. I ended up a Certified Cloud Practitioner. When I find out what a Cloud Practitioner actually is, I’ll let you know.
I’m 53 as I write this — it took me literally over two decades to settle on something I’m okay with doing day in and day out. So, if your dream job (or at least a job you can tolerate) doesn’t fall into your lap the day after you graduate, don’t worry. You’ll probably be like me and find it when you’re 40 and have a bald spot.
So I’m not worried about my daughter finding her way. She will, and you will, eventually.
We, as parents, trust in that. It’s hard to let go of our children and not want to put them on the path that WE think is right, so if we do that — even after you graduate — just nod and remind us that you got this.
It’s your life now.
They’re your mistakes.
It’s your journey.
Yours. All yours.
I’m hoping, kids, you got out of college what you wanted. I hope you got the experiences, education and friendships that will help propel you into the next phase of your life, poised to succeed and ready to take on any challenge that confronts you.
Those challenges can be expensive.
Especially when marriage happens and the kids show up.
I’m not even gonna get started on those money pits.
All kidding aside, I wish every single college graduate out there — including my own daughter who I am EXTREMELY proud of — all the luck and success in the world.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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