So I check in with the receptionist and wait. While waiting my head is dancing with with all kinds of low numbers that I have not imagined in damn near 8 years. Numbers on a scale that for some reason can tell me if I have worth.
It is the one scale in the world that the lower the number the more valuable you are to others. The shallowness is building up inside of myself. I am completely enthralled by the idea of a number below 400 pounds. I feel so good that this number has to be lower than 400. It has to be.
All of a sudden the door opens and a nurse is calling me back to finally find out what the revolutionary number will be for me.
Directly in front of me is my nemesis. Not directly no, but in my mind the little electric scale is all encompassing the entire hallway. It’s steel-colored and it has a walker around it. And I am searing all the details in my mind. The mat grey of the walker is in absolute contrast to the sheet metal shine of the scale and glass viewer.
There is a little wood table to its left for those of us that have to remove all items. First come off the shoes, keys, wallet, cell, and anything else I can remove without getting in trouble for exposure.
I step up to the walker and contemplate cheating it by holding myself up with the walker.
Quickly I berate myself for even thinking about do that. The nurse is to my right and she is being patient. After a deep breath of anxiety clearing depth I step up.
The creak of the metal and the cold of the scale are startling but kind of welcoming. The digital numbers blink and they pulse before they decide to settle. Can I look down at the viewer? I have a mix of excitement and fear.
I have literally fasted day after day. In a very first world way, tortured myself. Made myself live without. What will the number say when I get the courage to look down at the viewer?
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