Apply These Childbirth Tips to Your Next Heartbreak

I’ve had my heart broken badly three times. I’ve also given birth three times. Coincidence? Yes, absolutely, 100 percent.

But what if some of the same survival tips apply to both? Stick with me here.

Tip 1: Don’t Do It Alone

Unfortunately, there is no outsourcing option when it comes to birthing a baby you’ve grown inside you or repairing a broken heart. At the end of the day, getting through it is up to you and you only. But you don’t have to take that journey alone, and in fact doing so will make the process infinitely harder.

Pregnant moms rely on doctors, nurses, doulas, midwives, and other care providers to help ease the pain, fear and overwhelming emotions that come with childbirth. The brokenhearted need their caregivers too, whether it’s friends, family members, a therapist, or your coworker who is always up for a Tuesday night round of tequila shots.

Even if no one else can completely understand your situation and your particular brand of heartache, you need to surround yourself with people who will look out for you and provide both comfort and distraction.

Tip 2: Don’t Be a Martyr

There’s a reason why people start to forget the sensory experiences of childbirth and heartbreak once they come out the other side: Both can be so harrowing, if we remembered too many details we would never mate or procreate again.

In other words, these are not life moments when you should attempt to set some sort of gold-standard example. Take advantage of whatever you need in order to make things slightly easier on yourself.

Birthing moms have a variety of medical and non-medical options to alleviate (some of) the pain of labor, and it’s one of the few situations when you can yell obscenities at everyone in sight and no one can get mad at you. The brokenhearted have even more outlets at their disposal, from the above-mentioned tequila and childhood comfort foods, to anguished breakup music, to self-pitying phone calls with friends, to wearing the same sweatpants for a week.

There is no way to earn an A+ in recovery from heartbreak. If you try to minimize your feelings or rush the process, you’ll only set yourself back. You need to experience it as it comes, wallow as needed, and seek out the people, activities and things that provide relief as you heal.

Tip 3: Remember Your Why

As insanely hard as it is, childbirth comes with a heck of a reward on the other side. Many laboring moms find it helpful to employ this eye-on-the-prize thinking when things are at their most challenging: a new life is about to enter the world.

Unfortunately, it can be very hard to see any sort of “prize” when you’re in the thick of heartbreak. But the reality is that a broken heart only comes after you’ve really loved someone, and loving one person prepares you to love the next person — and however many next persons it takes until you find your person.

Like childbirth, heartbreak isn’t fun by any definition. It is, however, a pretty effective way to learn more about yourself, what you want, and what you don’t want. If you open yourself up to those realizations, you will be in a much better place when you’re ready to give love another try.

Tip 4: Just Keep Pushing

Humans have been having babies and finding, losing and re-finding love for as long as there have been humans. Is it unpleasant and messy? Certainly. Is it impossible? Certainly not.

Don’t give up. You will get through this.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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