Are Narcissists Born or Made?

Does it matter?

People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, NPD, leave a lot of damage in their wake. Neuroscience has given us insight into brain differences by imaging the brains of prisoners who are diagnosed as psychopaths. But narcissism isn’t exactly the same as sociopathy or psychopathy

University of Wisconson-Madison researchers found “that psychopaths have reduced connections between the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for sentiments such as empathuy and guilt, and the amygdala, which mediates fear and anxiety.” Michael Koenigs, assistant professor of psychiatry in the University of Wiscnonsin School of Medicine and Pulic Health states, “Those two structures in the brain, which are believed to regulate emotion and social behavior, seem to not be communicating as they should.”

In other words, they have difficulty empathizing with others, they don’t feel guilt, and they have less fear and anxiety than the general population.

But narcissism isn’t exactly the same as either sociopathy or psychopathy. Trained professionals can use certain criteria to perceive a difference, enough to diagnose. However, the only study using MRI scans on people diagnosed NPD, is from far too small a sample to be statistically significant.

That study of 34 people, 17 of whom had the NPD diagnosis, did find less gray matter in the left anterior insula, a part of the Cerebal Cortex. Gray matter doesn’t transmit signals like neurons do, but the left anterior insula is considered to affect regulation of emotion and to be involved in the processing of compassion. The 17 narcissistic subjects had thinner cerebral cortex matter than the other 17 subjects.

All this really indicates is that psychopaths are most likely born, and we don’t really have evidence that the same is true of narcissists. We do postulate that not all born psychopaths become serial killers, murderers, or con men. What seems to precipitate that progression is significant trauma in childhood. Without significant trauma in childhood, psychopaths can learn to imitate emotions well enough to fit into society.

So if narcissistic people aren’t born, what kind of nurture creates the person with low self-esteem and feelings of inferiority who projects arrogance, disparagement of others, and is self-absorbed? Sound like anyone we know on the national stage?

One sure way to create a person with NPD is to have one parent or guardian, who sets boundaries and rules, and another parent, or other authority figure, who helps them skate around the rules. They learn that rules are for everyone except them.

Another cause is a deep narcissistic wound at an early age. The wound can be abandonment, emotional and verbal abuse, ongoing sexual abuse, ongoing physical abuse, and a variety of other circumstances that create the feelings of self-loathing, low self-esteem, and sense of inferiority. In my private practice, and in my love life, where I’ve attracted at least three narcissistic men, what I’ve witnessed makes me think it takes a combination of factors to create a narcissist. Otherwise, many of us who have experienced narcissistic wounds and trauma in childhood would demonstrate Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

That brings us back to the original question. Are they made or born? There simply isn’t enough evidence to know. Fortunately, most people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder don’t commit the serious crimes that people with psychopathy do. Unfortunately for those of us who attract them, and vice versa, their issues are not as easily spotted as those of psychopaths and sociopaths.

And that’s why it doesn’t matter if they are born or made. The damage they can wreak in relationships is the same, no matter what caused their disorder. They may not ever harm you physically, but your emotions are fair game. Why do they delight in playing with your emotions? Again, we don’t know. There isn’t enough research. The apparent difference in the Cerebral Cortex, that suggests less empathy, is only one piece of the puzzle. Their own childhood wounds are another. But there must be more puzzle pieces which makes one person develop NPD, and not another person.

While we wait for more research, if you find yourself in a situation where someone puts you on a pedestal early in the relationship, tells you they’ve never met anyone like you, showers you with compliments, and says you are their soulmate, put up some boundaries and guard your heart. If, as the relationship continues, they start to chip away at the pedestal, and denigrate and disparage you, run. Together, those are sure signs you are involved with a person with NPD. Don’t stick around to try and discover if they were born or raised to be that way. Either way, you will be the one to suffer.

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Previously published on medium

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