Note: There are only two things I fear above all else: not finding my greatest gifts and potential…and living life alone. Even a traumatic life with insane ups and downs is considered a “life well lived.” Pursue it, Reader.
…
What is it that we actually want from each other?
Who am I without you?
Who do I become without you?
Without your love?
Without your wisdom? Your guidance? Your power?
What am I without your hand to hold, your face to touch, and your soul to awaken my own…and lower the sword and shield I feel so compelled to clutch?
Without you, I am wholly something.
But…
With you, I am something else entirely.
So, why can’t I find you?
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Don’t lie to yourself, Reader.
Love is everything…even beyond a single intimate relationship.
I don’t deny the need for love, companionship, and trust in the unknown.
I won’t.
It shifts the world and it reshapes the human, undeniably.
No one has ever with conviction said, “We need less love in the world.”
It’s surreal, as it should be.
That’s the undeniable quality that proves its worth. The jump is blood-rushing, exciting, and satisfying.
Love carries a spirit and a courage that just can’t be felt by the isolated mind of one person, no matter what adventures and freedom you may have as an independent human. Love of self and love of another person are, and will always be, two very different things.
And I say that while knowing the necessity of isolation. The learning of self-care. The knowledge of knowing the difference between loneliness and aloneness.
I’ve lived isolated for most of my life, never in relationships that lived beyond a year. Believe me, I know.
Even within our relationships, we need time to ourselves to quiet our minds. To remove ourselves from busyness. To understand what the world and its people mean again.
It’s how we deal with challenges and come back to our loved ones wiser and refreshed.
But just as we can be in too deep we can also be far too removed.
…
We’ve become arrogantly proud of how well we stand alone, numb to the bonds that love — beyond self-love — can bring; the kind that changes us, molds us, compounds us.
We encourage self-perfection from ourselves and them….then we can talk about love and sharing our lives.
(Says the forever flawed human…)
Something is missing from the world today:
- We walk proudly but by ourselves.
- We work diligently but are isolated.
- We dream limitlessly but only with our personal expectations….including love itself.
I’m mystified by history.
Lives, lifestyles, and experiences in time capsules dissolved by change. We can never again see life through the same eyes. We’re limited by our future minds.
I see the world as I’ve always known it and wonder what our past worlds would have been like. One hundred years ago. One thousand years ago.
What was old love like?
More chivalrous and charismatic? More bold and casual? More ferocious and passionate? Before we were consumed(obsessed) by the world beyond our own objective reality.
We see the worlds outside of us more than the one that sits directly in front of us.
And in our modern times — with technology, consumerism, and conveniences that fill the totality of our lives — we lose things more true, more authentic, more spiritual.
We seem to need each other less.
Or do we?
We’ve forgotten the power of inclusion, the stability of community and the limitless thrill(and wisdom) of jumping before we know the risks.
Love has taken a beating and we have no one else to blame but ourselves.
…
What is love becoming?
What so human as mechanics and analysis of the mind replace emotion and instinct?
What is love before standards and expectations and requirements?
What is love before perfection and prophecy?
What is love before vetting our suitors?
Love seems to be suffocating.
But is it because we have become afraid of it?
Do we fear it so much that we guard ourselves with demands of it? That we seek out all of someone’s flaws and insecurities before we timidly hand over affection? In our attempt to minimize all possible pain, are we making ourselves less capable, less adaptable, less robust?
Love itself is fiery, chaotic, passionate, and unbound.
- It promises purpose without telling it.
- It demands sacrifice without a schedule.
- It soothes strain even without consciousness.
The paradox…is that such an uncontrollable and unbearable emotion that flames all purpose in this world demands only the trust to seek it. To believe in it. To be vulnerable to it.
Not to define it.
Not to demand of it.
Not to put limitations on it.
Yet…
Humans today have done just that.
We’ve made love something that we only give to each other if we first meet social and economic expectations.
We have to prove we are worthy of love…except “worth” is what ends the its divinity.
It stifles it.
Love has become less of an expression: it has become a commodity; a business deal and a possession.
What we can do:
- Allow ourselves to seek love for what it is, not what we expect.
- Listen to our intuitions and instincts more. See the potential of others. Trust our attraction even when we can’t recognize it’s why.
- Stop prioritizing the end goal of love. Love changes who we are. What will become of you and your relationship is far bigger than what we can imagine before it starts.
- (Especially myself) Stop taking life so seriously. Love is presented to those who know that to get something, you also have to be it. Let go and trust the joy, the laughter, and the unknowns.
Love is chaotic, but it shouldn’t be in chaos.
Love is smiles and laughter.
It’s curiosity and bewilderment.
It’s seeking potential and growth.
It’s a pauper’s gift, not a king’s demand.
Truth and Love, Reader.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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