Your words may be making you unsafe.
The way we communicate can create safety in our relationships or put us in situations that lead to feeling ungrounded, disrespected (by others & ourselves), & unsafe.
I used to think that the pinnacle of relational healing was to disregard that part of me that felt unsafe & say that it is “fear…”
To be “awakened,” I needed to not “give in” to the fear of feeling unsafe…
Because surely, the fear & discomfort meant that I wasn’t evolved enough.
What did that lead to?
Trauma. Unhealthy relating. Disregarding my boundaries. Being totally lost in what my truth even was.
Can you relate?
There is a lot we can take responsibility for in the situations we are creating in our lives, & I believe one area we all need to look at is communication.
How are the words you are saying to others, & yourself, leading to an unsafe existence?
I want to acknowledge the distinction between being stuck in a fearful anxious state, & genuinely listening to spaces that don’t feel right, good, & safe in healthy ways.
It can be tricky to tell the difference.
But — you can start already to look at yourself.
What words do you affirm to yourself & others that create unhealthy dynamics of relating & lead to choices that hurt you?
E.g., “I feel fine with this” when your body is telling you something isn’t okay.
“It’s okay” when it isn’t.
Not saying something when you needed to.
Safety starts with listening to what really feels aligned & true for you.
Yes, questioning & getting curious about your perspectives & beliefs, but also respecting yourself enough to rest into what feels okay & not okay for you (that can, & will change with time).
Safety starts with voicing your boundaries. What feels okay & not okay.
It requires you to put aside the people pleaser, & stay rooted in what you need & desire.
It requires you to accept that you will disappoint people, lose them, & be the villain in their stories.
It requires you to accept that people may have experiences & stories that feel completely untrue. And rather than sacrifice your peace to prove them, allow them to have that perspective.
Safety requires the courage to give yourself permission to let safety be created.
There’s so much more to say & reflect on about this, but I wanted to open up this area of inquiry.
Do you feel safe? Is there something you can say, or not say, to create that for yourself today?
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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