Are You Seriously Looking or Are You Just Seeking Validation on Dating Apps?

You know that exciting feeling every time someone swipes right on you, and you both match.

It’s no different from getting that dopamine on social media gives you, right? But only this one can get a little more intense sometimes.

A friend of mine who just started her journey on Tinder always jumps excitedly every time she sees the cute guy she just swiped right at texted her.

Is it like an achievement on its own? I don’t know.

But I know it can be addicting. The irony of this online dating is that most people don’t know what they’re doing.

They don’t know if they actually want someone to have a real relationship with, or they just want someone to tell them they’re stunning enough.

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What’s your intention really?

If you’re on online dating long enough, you probably notice those kinds of people who never want to initiate the conversation unless you do it first.

But when you love-bombing them with so many compliments, they seem to like you and stay longer in the chat. The problem with this is that you can never actually make him/her feel enough.

You have to keep up with their expectations and always tell them they’re incredible perfect human beings. If anything at all, it’s the only reason why they keep you in their life.

And let me tell you something; having that trait in online dating won’t bring you anywhere close to finding the right person.

So ask yourself before you even sign up and create your Tinder profile,

“Am I genuinely seeking someone special, or Am I just hungry for an external validation?”

If the answer is the latter, then you’ve got a lot of work to do on your end. And it’s never a bad thing. In fact, it’s crucial to enter the brutal online dating world with high self-esteem.

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Why?

Because no one can tell you what you should and shouldn’t have if you’re clear with what you want, you are in control of your dating life.

You aren’t desperate for fake validations from someone you just met online like 2 minutes ago.

You know your worth.

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The best advice I could give to those who are so eager to join the online dating pool is to do a self-check-in at least once.

Ask yourself, “am I emotionally secure enough to jump?”

And don’t worry if the answer to that question is a “not-yet.” You’re doing yourself a great favor by being brutally honest with yourself. Because trust me, it’ll save you lots of heartbreaks in the future.

In the meantime, there are things you can do to improve your self-esteem, so you don’t have to worry about seeking validation from strangers on the internet.

1. Have something going on in your life — that has nothing to do with dating

It’s a powerful thing to have something that you love doing — just for yourself.

Someone who is secure doesn’t seek compliments from others. Because they know their worth, and even if no one special is coming, they’ll still be fine.

So make it a habit to think that life has so much to offer. Even being in a relationship doesn’t guarantee you lifetime happiness.

Know this core belief so you can stop expecting others to make you special or happy in general.

Pick a hobby, learn how to make money online or simply just do something creative that fulfills your soul.

There are lots of things that you can do — something that has nothing to do with being in a relationship.

2. Practice affirmations and be kind to yourself

Having low self-esteem means you can never feel enough if others don’t tell you how good you’re.

It’s like being stuck in a rabbit hole because nothing good comes from constantly seeking external validations.

What happens when people tell you you aren’t pretty enough? You most likely will change yourself to match their expectations.

It’s mentally draining. So practice affirmations on your own and stop being hard on yourself.

You’re in your late 20s and don’t get your shit together yet? It’s fine — no one does.

Sometimes just being a little bit kind to ourselves can make things a little bit better. So, never underestimate that little action.

3. It’s never too late to change what you don’t like about yourself

Putting yourself out there in dating apps while you don’t even know who you are is the most dangerous thing you can do to yourself.

You don’t want people to tell you whether you’re enough or not.

If you yourself are already aware of the things you don’t like about yourself, work on it.

Don’t like how you look? Start exercising.

Don’t think you aren’t interesting enough? Pick up a book and learn something.

Don’t feel good because you’ve been eating shitty food? Start learning about nutrition and cooking healthy food.

As cliche as this sounds, everything stable and healthy should start with yourself. Because only then do you know you’ll be fine with or without people’s validation.

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So, how secure are you going into online dating this year? It’s only you who know the answer.

You definitely don’t have to keep up with everyone’s way of dating. The worst reason to sign up to Tinder is when you think you have to jump on board because everyone around you is doing it.

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Hi! Anggun here. I write about all things that you might struggle with within your love life. My main goal is to make you feel less alone on your journey. If you resonate with my stories, stay in tune by becoming a Medium member here.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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