Avoidant Dismissive Partners Are Lying to Themselves

I often thought of clinginess as a visible attachment.

Couples who go everywhere together.
Couples who take showers together.
Couples who have to feed each other food.

I missed so many cutesy moments because I did not want anyone to think of me as clingy.

Clinging to your partner is more subtle.

It starts with your attachment style. Avoidant-dismissive partners need avoidant-fearful partners.

As an avoidant-dismissive partner, you downplay the relationship’s importance in your life. Yet when you need money or someone to cover for you, you become desperate for your partner’s help.

Your lover, the avoidant-fearful, fears your rejection. They get anxious when you downplay the relationship’s significance. Then, jump at the opportunity to help you because they need the relationship to work. This crush won’t leave until you break up with them or their self-esteem improves.

The situations avoidant-dismissive partners put their crush through are not fair. Thus, articles give tips to help the avoidant-fearful person.

Today, I’ll focus on you, the avoidant-dismissive partner.

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1. From affection to a bigger person.

Learn to love without expectation.

Take a step back to figure out why you love bomb your partner after a fight. Or when you need a favor. Could you find another way to apologize without manipulation and empty promises?

Learn to help yourself out of a bind. Better yet, stop. Think about your action before listening to your emotions.

Have a cut-off point for alcohol.
Change your views of gender roles in the home.
Think before you act.
Avoid drinking and walk away to cool off.

Change how you respond to a crisis. So, you can grow to need the relationship in different ways.

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Photo by Elia Pellegrini on Unsplash

2. Face your childhood, not present-day behavior.

Treat the cause of your impulse actions.

Growing up, I would house hop during the summer. I would stay somewhere new when I didn’t want to change my behavior. Simple. That was my “survival instinct” when I didn’t want to apologize.

I ran. What did you do as a child to make the best of your circumstances?

Did you use your charms to make people forget your “bad” behavior? You could be doing it now. It’s difficult to face your childhood. You were a child; you needed help to survive.

But you have grown. You are old enough to help yourself. Reflect to understand why you still feel helpless.

It can help reduce your codependency need to get saved by your partner. For example, you might stop your partner from lying and face the consequences of your actions.

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3. Stop pretending. Test the theory.

A relationship ending is challenging for everyone.

Breakups are (especially) difficult for people who deny being clingy.

Not repeating the cycle means learning to deal with the consequences of your actions. Distancing yourself from your partner helps you face repercussions.

It also gives you time to visit therapy, a support group, or have discussions with an old friend who knows you well.

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