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Several years ago I subbed for Sensei Dan in Sunday morning Aikido class. I instructed a beginner student in some basic technique. Really, I don’t recall what it was. I demonstrated the move with him. He said, “But you’re so much better than me.” What he was communicating: “I suck!” To his face, I said, “No. I’ve just been doing this way longer than you have.” That’s all it is.
I told him that everyone’s zero is different because we’re all different. Consequently, we have varying starting points. I had practiced that technique at least 5000 times, literally, with Sensei Dan in over 20 years of Aikido at that juncture of our lasting relationship. Sensei told me all along, “It’s all repetition,” “Everything natural,” and everything isn’t easy; it takes practice.
To become greater than you are, you become greater than your own zero. Even a little greater is still greater than. This is not about the magnitude. My friend Cheryl says, “Take baby steps.” You become greater by resetting your zero and taking baby steps. That is the discipline of martial arts. Like many other things.
Recently, I reset my zero. I strained my shoulder training in Aikido and weightlifting. Last year I laid off training, healed and strengthen over five months before returning to Aikido. I worked within my community: chiropractor Kevin and acupuncturist Dr. Pan. Kevin told me that I had ligament and tendon strain. So I needed to rehab and heal over time. Like Werner Erhard, I only tell stories that end well.
When I got injured that voice in my head screamed, “I’m scared. I’m fucked!” Not at all inspired. Then I listened to Mom’s voice, “Jonny, slow down…” Reset my zero. Do what I needed to do.
Neurosurgeon author Dr. Jim Doty and Werner Erhard participated in the Stanford University forum on Compassion. Jim said that voice in our heads usually doesn’t say, “Hey, I’m awesome.” No shit. He said to practice acceptance and compassion for us. Werner said, “Anything that you can let be lets you be.” Acceptance becomes your auto-reset. Invent your new zero.
Early November last year, after my healing and rehab, I practiced Aikido again. I experienced both excitement and terror before my first practice back. I love Aikido. My love for Aikido sourced my love for Sensei and his love for me. In a sense, I was coming back for me and him.
Still, I was frightened. I looked at my fear. I was okay being afraid. I’m human. I just had to be wise in how I trained coming back. I got that I had nothing to prove. I got the possibility of joy.
Kobe Bryant said the path of becoming greater than you are can be dark. The path is as much about love as it is about fear. “If it were easy, we’d all be lions.” Clearly, I’m no Kobe. Yet, I dedicate myself to becoming greater than I am now.
Yeah, I was okay with being afraid. Particularly, when what I risk gives joy and freedom. So I did what I could, my best. I was sore after my first Aikido class back. I was so happy I did the right things like stretching and massaging after class and icing my shoulder.
Now completely back, I still experience some fear before every class. Then I catch myself: Do my best. I’ve nothing to prove. Enjoy. It’s worth doing. I listen to Mom, “Jonny, slow down.”
Kobe got it. Oftentimes, I’m afraid. Fear’s always there. Love gets me through. I’m kinder to me. Like Cheryl reminds, “Take baby steps.” Discover what gives you joy.
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Photo credit: Pixabay