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How often have we had an expected outcome of how things should work? I received the most unusual positive experience after praying for guidance on whether to stay in a relationship or not. Many years ago, I was trying to figure out my next step in dealing with a narcissistic bully who also had a problematic drinking problem. I knew that I had to leave this relationship because he could have killed me during one of his many blackouts. Could I continue to pull him off of me when he was choking me during his alcoholic blackouts? Maybe so—maybe not!
Without realizing it, I listened to my intuition which told me to call a national Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) number. The kind man who answered suggested I attend a local Open AA meeting. I mustered up my courage and walked toward what I appeared to be one of the happiest groups of men that I had ever been around. So, why were they laughing and teasing each other. How rude they were, I thought. How could they possibly be happy people and yet be so disrespectful? Did I mix up the address?
Guys don’t always show their friendship in traditional ways.
I had no clue that many of these men had been sober for decades and that I was the one who was sick and exhausted from the harm that comes from living with an alcoholic. The men’s happiness was more than I could bear—anxiety grabbed me and I grabbed my purse and began to run to the door.
However, I ended up in a large broom closet.
Oh crap, I said to myself, feeling very frustrated at my inability to leave an AA meeting on my own terms. I can’t even get out of this place. How embarrassing it felt to me. Tears began to flow down my face as I felt foolish and confused.
While I was in the closet, I heard a message that told me I belonged in the meeting. I just wanted to crawl out of the building! However, I did walk back into the room, and the men were kind enough to pretend that I had never left their presence. At the end of the meeting, one of the scruffiest men I had ever met asked me if I would follow him to his home. He wanted me to meet his wife who may be able to support me in my time of grief. There was something about this man I trusted, and I agreed to follow him to his home.
As I was driving behind a beaten up old car, I expected to pull up to a trailer park or a shack. The man was wearing old holey clothes and had not shaved in a week. When the man pulled up to a multi-million dollar home, I began to cry for judging him so harshly. The old saying, “You should never judge a book by its cover” was plaguing me at this time. The ironic thing is that I had walked by this home numerous times, praying for support. I would admire the beautiful architecture of this home and keep walking down the sandy beach.
Help did arrive; it arrived in a way that I could never imagine. Between the man and his wife, I made an action plan to leave an alcoholic relationship for good. It was the best thing I could have ever done to empower myself. The alcoholic was unwilling to get help, and I was willing to change. I have learned that I can only change myself and not others. I have also realized that when you ask for support—whether through prayer or intention, be open to outcomes that may be different than what you expect. In my case, a retired Army helicopter pilot and his wife, who was a well-established author, came to my rescue. Always, be open to unexpected outcomes. They may be better than you could ever imagine.
If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction issues, please call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration at 1-800-662 HELP (4357).
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Photo courtesy Unsplash.