Be With Sadness

On Friday, my friend Cheryl Hunter texted that she wanted to take off early from work and see a movie. She asked if I wanted to join her. Of course, sure. That was my Friday off for my 9/80s work schedule. Cheryl asked what I wanted to see, because I’m “so picky”. I got it. I can be such an asshole. I am. There wasn’t much to see in the theaters at all. We’d seen everything worthwhile and some not so worthwhile. This is the Fall of Movie Discontent. Just saying.

I said, “Let’s see Lyle, Lyle Crocodile.”

Lyle, Lyle Crocodile was based on the popular children’s book about a singing crocodile named Lyle. In the movie, singer Shawn Mendes voiced Lyle. Cheryl arrived at the theater after the AMC Nicole Kidman commercial. She gave me some very yummy keto snacks. Cheryl is kind. We were all set to watch the movie.

In Lyle, Lyle Crocodile, Lyle the crocodile befriends the lonely, young boy named Josh Prim, played by Winslow Fegley. When Josh begins his first day at his new school in New York City, he looked so tense, so afraid, so familiar. I told Cheryl, “That was me when I was his age. I was wound way too tight.” Cheryl looked at me. She compassionately said, “That’s understandable given who your Dad was.” She asked me if I had a bad time in school. I told her that high school was the worst for me. High school made me very sad.

I asked Cheryl what school was like for her growing up. She hated school, all of it. She looked at me sadly. She said, “It sucked.” I quietly touched her shoulder. I said, “I get it.” After the movie as we walked down the theater steps, I said, “In high school, I felt fat and ugly.” Cheryl said, “They were so mean in school…” I got that, as well.

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I could be with Cheryl when she was sad. Perhaps I helped her heal some. Cheryl could be with me when I was sad, too. She graciously helped me heal. Werner Erhard said there’s poignancy in our sadness that helps us heal, helps us heal loss. What we can let be, lets us be.

Power lies in being with others in sadness. That heals us. That frees us. The First Noble Truth of Buddhism is that there will always be suffering in life. The Fourth Noble Truth of Buddhism is the path to end suffering. Being with sadness, either our own or others’ defines that path. Really, I’m just saying.

Two years ago, I was on a FaceTime call with my friend, my mentor, and my Big Brother Chuck Judge. I knew that would be the last time that we spoke. Sadly, Chuck was dying. We had been friends for 30 years.

Chuck had been in remission from brain cancer for several years. Then, about a year after he retired, another tumor emerged. Chuck’s condition progressively declined until the very end. I was so very sad.

It was good to see Chuck’s face on the FaceTime call. We talked about some things and nothing like we usually did. At the conclusion of our call, Chuck said, “I love you.” I said, “I love you, too.” That was the last time I spoke with Chuck. He passed away a few days later in his sleep.

Rest in Peace, my Beloved Brother, “and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.” In the end, Chuck was graciously present with my sadness for him. I loved Chuck. I always will.

Chuck was a great man, a great friend, a great husband and father. Over the years, he made me the greater man. Chuck said, “No worries” in the worst of times. His passing was one of those times. I imagine he would have told me, “No worries, Jon.”

I’m forever grateful and honored that I got to share my life with Chuck. Chuck was the kindest, strongest, and most decent Man I knew on Planet Earth. He remains in my heart and still stands by my side. My sadness has evolved into profound gratitude.

In the bigger picture, be with sadness. Be with those who are sad, including ourselves. That’s our path to end suffering and heal. Just saying. Amen.