Andrew Morrison-Gurza reminds us that flirting is about how we feel, not what we can do.
Let me be clear, I understand that I am the sexiest PwD out there, but I continuously feel as though I have to show this to others.
There are so many deceptions when it comes to our understanding of (in my case) the “Palsy and the Peen” that I always want to show my viability in this respect. My thought process is: “if I can show you that I’m sexy, everything else will follow”. This usually presents itself by way of a cheesy one liner. While not particular tasteful, it does the job of disarming my potential playmate.
Disability and sexuality are still so taboo, that I think there is something subconsciously sexy when a PwD puts that out there, and partners can pick up on that.The language that the routine of disability employs is one of necessity. PwD are often talking to Occupational Therapists, Attendant Care Workers, Transit Operators who leave you on hold for 45 minutes while you wait to book an accessible ride 7 days in advance of the actual event. You end up talking in quazi-professional, curt sentences that have been carefully constructed to convey precisely what you need or want. They lack flare, flavour or freedom. So, when those strictures are loosened, and you have the opportunity to say what you want to really, really say, it feels great and the floodgates will open to a stream of sensuality the likes of which many have never seen!
- “Man, it’s a super good thing I have my chair with me. You’re so cute, I got weak in the knees and fainted.”
- “Wanna play with my joystick? / Wanna feel my cane?”
It’s so rare that we have fun with these devices that are at our disposal. They are so often just the things that assist us to get from A to B. They have become medicalized and sterilized, much like our bodies. They are simply pieces of equipment. Let’s break it down for just a sec, my chair is an extension of myself, so why wouldn’t I use it to get mine? It’s time to get delicious and devious with our devices.
I am also somebody with spasms. This means at the slightest sound I don’t expect, I will jump in the air like a gun was just shot above my head (seriously, a pin drops, and I am spazzing). This can be really useful if you and a partner, are getting to know one another and you want to be playful. Ensuring that the touch is wanted and consensual, you could always have a spasm that just happens to graze their knee.
When it comes to disability, one of the buzzwords that the medical community loves to use is function. When I was little, they would always say things like, “Andrew will never have full function…” OR “Let’s get you functional with that stretch.” Utilizing your disability in social situations wherein there may or may not be romantic potential, means that you are on your way to become a fully functional flirt, because you understand that as much as there are added obstacles when you are trying to “get them to go gimp” (trying that one out. Thoughts?), you also see the wealth of opportunity as well, and there’s nothing sexier than that!
To find out more about my work as a Disability Awareness Consultant and the #DeliciouslyDisabled campaign, head on over to www.andrewmorrisongurza.com, and let’s find a way to make disability delicious for you!