As we grow, we learn more about ourselves, our behaviours and how to define them. Since childhood, I have always been labeled as selfish and arrogant without having any idea why was that so!
When I chose not to engage in mindless gossip, I was accused of arrogance, as though my reluctance indicated a desire to flaunt my more meaningful pursuits. Rejecting friendships with individuals who lacked intellectual curiosity earned me the label of selfishness, as if they could not measure up to my intellectual standards. Even when I hanged out with bright kids, some insisted that my motives were rooted in jealousy and an intention to undermine them.
These were a few of the everyday comments that I heard. I struggled a lot as a child for wanting everything to make sense. On occasion, even my parents would stifle my questions to avoid lengthy explanations about why I should or should not engage in certain activities.
I did not understand what was wrong with me until a few years ago — when I first came across this word: Sapiosexual.
Suddenly, everything started making sense to me. In our Asian countries, sexuality typically refers to only two categories: homosexual or bisexual. That’s all. This binary view fails to capture the intricacies of individual preferences and attractions.
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In a world where the spectrum of human sexuality is widely recognized and respected, there’s a term that often sparks curiosity and, at times, misunderstanding: sapiosexuality.
To be sapiosexual means to be attracted to intelligence, to find intellectual stimulation deeply arousing, and to be drawn to people who challenge and stimulate the mind.
While it may sound unconventional to some, it’s crucial to understand that sapiosexuality is not a choice rather a natural inclination, and it should not be mistaken for arrogance.
Yes, I am indeed attracted to intelligence and deep meaningful conversations, I like people who are always in quest of learning new things and those who hustle.
But, that does not make me arrogant. It is just who I am, it is ingrained in my psyche. I don’t see any wrong in this.
I used to think why would someone not be attracted to intelligence? How would someone not like smart people? and by smart I don’t mean physical appearance, I point to their mental appearance.
I am still looking for answers to the above questions.
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Did this ever happen to you?
“You met a charming person, and you liked them instantly and admired them constantly, whether in their presence or absence. However, as you start learning them for who they internally are which is a dumb rather hollow person who has no mental charm, no aspirations or purpose in life; you start to dislike them albeit you found them charming once.”
If yes, then that’s what I mean by being sapiosexual.
I readily admit to being attracted to a captivating appearance, a well-toned physique, or an enchanting smile. These physical attributes may catch my eye, but they alone are insufficient to hold my attention.
To maintain my interest, a person must possess the ability to engage in meaningful and intellectually stimulating conversations.
Who on Earth would not be attracted to intelligent, smart people, may not be to an extent where only that matters but intelligence must play its role.
Anyway, my problem is NOT these Whos and Whys!
My problem is —
Some people mistakenly believe that sapiosexuals feel superior or look down on those who don’t meet their intellectual standards. However, this couldn’t be further from the truth.
Being attracted to intelligence doesn’t imply arrogance. Just as heterosexual individuals don’t consider themselves superior for being attracted to the opposite sex, sapiosexuals don’t consider themselves superior for being attracted to intelligence.
Attraction is a deeply personal and emotional experience, and it is not synonymous with arrogance. People who are sapiosexual are merely following their hearts and desires, just like anyone else.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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