This time last year, I celebrated my birthday with friends. We went out to dinner, had wine and conversation. We went to a nightclub and danced to music until we felt our age. In the morning, we went for breakfast in a crowded café.
No masks, no worries.
I had no idea that would be the last outing I would have. Less than a month later, I left work to never return as we went from lockdown to unending quarantine.
Businesses have reopened but I still feel nervous even going to the store. I race around the store like the Flash trying to quickly grab my items while avoiding people and staying 6 feet from everyone.
Nothing could have prepared me for this. I have been through several flu seasons. I have to admit that I have always been paranoid during that time. I worked in offices where if people felt sick they would come in anyway. I would order Clorox wipes and Lysol as apart of my inventory. I wiped my phone down and shamelessly sprayed my area if someone came around in or around my office.
I’ve always avoided communal handles on doors and on public transportation. I’ve been a germaphobe in many ways before the Pandemic, but I still felt like this is asking much more of me than I was prepared to give in terms of not being able to blow off some steam.
I didn’t realize how I was using events and nights out to be social or to relieve stress until they were no longer an option. I am still supporting restaurants even if I can’t spend a night out being served. A year of no vacations, no events and nothing to anticipate has worn me down in ways I didn’t expect.
This year for my birthday, I plan to do something quiet. It’s not abnormal for me to spend time alone. The isolation has made me think about how people in the past handled Pandemics or mass illness. I try not to be selfish because I have television, movies and a smartphone at my disposal.
Being a year older and forcefully wiser, whenever our world comes back together and we can enjoy events without worrying, I will make sure to revel in the ones I attend. There truly are no guarantees.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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