Birthdays Without My Ex Are Awesome

Today is my birthday. To be fair, I might’ve pregamed last night. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I ran into the very (very) good-looking guy who just moved into our building.

Thankfully, he had his son with him.

If not, I might’ve told him I was his forever.

Vodka’s not my friend.

But I digress.

Birthdays without my ex are awesome. They’re completely normal. It’s a happy day. There are no tears, no disappointment, and no battles.

There’s something even more amazing.

I feel loved on my birthday.

Weird, right?

I feel more loved alone than when I was with a man.

That’s a hard riddle to figure out, or maybe it’s not. My birthday was a reminder of how ignored I was. I never needed my husband on the average day. I never needed him to show up in my life.

But on my birthday I did.

When I tried to speak to him about it the conversation was always the same.

“Birthdays are important,” I said.

“Birthdays weren’t a big deal in my house,” he said.

“But they were in my house,” I said. “They were one big celebration of who you are and how loved you are.”

“You make such a big deal of things,” he said.

“I respect that birthdays weren’t a big deal in your house,” I said. “If you want we don’t have to do anything on your birthday but I want to celebrate my birthday.”

He never cared.

Worse, he typically made me cry.

“Colleen,” said my sister. “You do not cry. You are not a crier. There’s only one person in your life that makes you cry.”

She wasn’t wrong.

My ex-husband was worse to me on special days.

It was a battle for control. He wanted to prove me wrong. He wanted to send me a message. He wanted to emphasize that I was wrong for wanting it to be a special day.

I finally surrendered.

I gave up.

On his birthday I made a nice dinner and gave him a present. It was a milestone birthday. I typically go overboard for the average birthday. But not that year. I didn’t have it in me anymore.

He pouted for days.

I had always celebrated milestone birthdays in a big way.

It turns out the guy who ruined my birthdays didn’t like the receiving end.

Crazy because we actually celebrated his birthday. I didn’t ruin it. I just didn’t plan a surprise, or buy multiple gifts, or do anything extravagant that year.

I love being divorced on my birthday!

It’s sad to say but it’s my truth.

I’ve had a great day.

I started my day sipping coffee with a few people. Afterward, my friend and I toasted over a champagne lunch at an outside venue. The weather was gorgeous. We followed that with a mani/pedi.

Tonight I’m going to the restaurant that’s attached to my building with a few friends. My family celebrated with me this past weekend.

Life feels normal.

I’m grateful.

My mom didn’t miss a chance to let us know how loved we were. No one missed our birthday dinner. If everyone couldn’t be there we would schedule it on a day that the first responders in my family were all off.

She always made a fuss.

She did silly little things.

After dinner she would usher us out of the dining room. We would have to wait down the hall until she turned off all of the lights, and lit the candles on our birthday cake.

And then she would call our name as if she was surprising us.

“Oh, Colleen,” she would say. “Where are you?”

It still makes me laugh to think about it.

Life was good.

Life is good.

It feels normal.

I’m grateful.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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