Jonathan Neil Delavan finds himself wrestling with a source of feminine sexuality that speaks to him.
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A woman and the femininity she brings with her can become the spark that compels a man to develop his authentic self in a way he would have most likely been blinded to before.
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Being in touch with a feminine perspective on sexuality can be challenging for a man. It often demands that he come out from his preconceived notions of himself or his nature and to consider things differently.
Such a challenge can shut a man down defensively or cause him to lash out in hostile misogyny. Or it can shake a man out of his placid complacency, striking a neglected part of himself now being roused from its slumber, and embolden him to become ever more rooted in his authentic masculinity. It is easy for any man to react with anger or blame, but few men dare to take the latter, more frightening path to self-growth and deeper maturity in relation to himself and others.
Hence, a woman and the femininity she brings with her can become the spark that compels a man to develop his authentic self in a way he would have most likely been blinded to before. Katy Perry and her music is a modern example and source of this inter-gender paradigm on sexuality and self.
Continuing where I left off in my previous article, I can think of no better example than Katy’s “Peacock”. (By the way, have you heard “Peacock”? If you haven’t, go ahead and follow the link to get some context if you’d like.)
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When I first heard the song, I nearly jumped out of my seat at the first line—no joke! Honestly, the song made me feel defensive and fearful, so I shied away from that album for a while. However, over the past several months, I eventually heeded the subtle inner-awakening that song had stirred within me and mustered the courage to revisit it.
I have learned that honest women don’t want to deal with some macho-façade or to be treated with superficial bravado by men.
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On the surface, “Peacock” seems to be a tongue-in-check jab at conceited, cocky men (no pun intended), daring him to present his manhood for the singer’s and her “girls’” amusement. I get that this is controversial and could be perceived as disrespectful towards men, but there is so much more to this song if you’re willing to dig beneath the surface!
Taking a closer look, the song’s lyrics seem to be contradictory. The singer at first insults the man [“Don’t be a chicken boy, stop acting like a bee-otch. I’ma peace out if you don’t give me the payoff…”], but then spends the next line giving him a kind of gentle encouragement [“Whatcha waiting for, it’s time for you to show it off. Don’t be a shy kind of guy, I bet it’s beautiful…”]. Those lines made me struggle. It was difficult for me to wrap my head around those two lines, let alone my fears as well. Then when I included the final verse, I was left wondering what is she really saying/thinking/feeling about finally “seeing his pea-cock”.
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First, there is the literal to consider. Let’s not kid ourselves here; the singer makes blatant and frequent innuendoes to a man’s penis throughout the song. Rather bold of Katy to be so upfront with masculine sexual imagery in this piece—even in our post-modern times. I have come to see her boldness as an honest expression of a women’s heterosexual desire—without trying to label it as “good” or “bad” but just “what is” in a playful, devilish-curiosity expression.
Katy’s passion around this can be empowering for women. On the other hand, it’s implications for a man can be uncomfortable for him to sit with. I myself couldn’t make heads or tails of how I felt about this sexual boldness towards men, towards me in a way, from the female singer. Taking a step back from my initial reactions, I began to realize this could be a positive message for men as well.
Fellas, try this mental exercise for a minute: Imagine a woman you are attracted to describing your masculine-member as “jaw-dropping, eye-popping, head-turning, body-shocking, heart throbbing, ground shaking, show stopping, amazing!” Or that your girlfriend/wife, upon seeing you in your birthday suit, exclaimed something similar to “Oh my god no exaggeration, boy all this time was worth the waiting. I just shed a tear, I am so unprepared. You’ve got the finest architecture, end of the rainbow looking treasure. Such a sight to see, and it’s all for me!”
How would you feel? For me, just picturing that in my head gives me electrifying goosebumps! Makes me feel seen and accepted and desired as a man!
But let’s not ignore the flagrant jabs found throughout “Peacock” either. They are just as real and as important as the uplifting messages of sexuality within the song. At first, I wasn’t sure if there could be room for both. Is it possible to be encouraging and offending at the same time? Interestingly enough, I have found a likely answer from a bit of Tibetan mythology. According to John Welwood,
In the Tibetan tradition a dakini is a playful/wrathful sky goddess, who embodies a wild, provocative energy that enter people’s lives and shakes them loose from complacency and superficiality. The dakini’s nature is to rouse, inspire, and challenge people to go deeper—to face their fears and take a leap, to give up false beliefs about themselves and discover their true nature.
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Returning to Katy’s “Peacock”, the singer is clearly evoking a dakini’s energy by not shying away from using jabs and slights against the targeted man in an effort to get him to act—to finally show up for her in a way only he can. In other words, I’m moving towards what the literal in this picture represents: the deeper levels of masculine sexuality.
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Sexuality is comprised of more than one’s genitals, or even sex for that matter. It encompasses a person’s presence, their distinct personality, how a person interacts with people and their environment verbally, cognitively, emotionally, and physically. A more down to earth description of one’s holistic sexuality is that of one’s vibe.
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Sexuality is comprised of more than one’s genitals, or even sex for that matter. It encompasses a person’s presence, their distinct personality, how a person interacts with people and their environment verbally, cognitively, emotionally, and physically. A more down to earth description of one’s holistic sexuality is that of one’s vibe.
Sarah Jones from Introverted Alpha simply defines a person’s “vibe” as “how you feel to yourself and to others.” Her work on helping men to find their unique vibe has been useful for me to better understand masculine sexuality beyond sex itself. In terms of Katy’s “Peacock”, it helps me visualize what she wants to see in him yet is hidden from her.
I have learned that honest women don’t want to deal with some macho-façade or to be treated with superficial bravado by men. They would much rather experience a man who forgoes the man-box mask and shows up with his unique, authentic vibe—a vibe that comes off as authentic, manly, and even sexy simply because it is from his true self and not a projection of what he thinks other people expect of him as a man.
Perhaps that is what the woman in “Peacock” eagerly wants to see in the unnamed man. Perhaps that is what women in general keenly wish to see in the men around them: authentic manly vibes, authentic masculine sexuality, and authentic masculinity.
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This article follows up on a piece I wrote about Katy Perry being a sexual role model for both men and women through her music. The acceptance, self-respect, and celebration of sexuality that shines through much of her music have been, and continue to be, a source of encouragement and healing for people today—including myself.
These are my own experiences wrestling with a source of feminine sexuality that speaks to me. It has been a long, confusing, and emotional journey for me, but the personal growth and awareness I have gained from this strange journey are well worth the endured private hardships.
Perhaps you have identified with my struggle, or perhaps my struggle has inspired you to seek out your own feminine source to wrestle with. Regardless, I hope my words here can be an encouragement for you to take a different, more authentic path in your own life.
Photo by Neil Rickards
Jonathan If women felt totally free to show desire,I don’t think it would sound like this. Of course we are all unique, but I have never had that thought in my head when I am fascinated by a man or start to fell this ” come and take me….” desire. Never have I been curious about having a look at his penis. Maybe I misunderstand. Attraction and desire is for the whole person. And frankly I do not understand why I women can sing that men are shy to show their P. Because men are not. This is the way… Read more »
KIM, Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I have come to interpret the lyrics just as you have: that she wants to see his hidden inner beauty just as much as his outer! I describe this towards the end of my article about holistic sexuality tying together a man’s true self and presenting those inner qualities to the world and people around him—and that’s what women really want to see as his “peacock”! The discussion on the literal was to share my experience and struggles with the song’s lyrics. You say in the comment that men are not shy to show… Read more »
Being perfectly frank here, your obsession with Katy Perry and her music is awkward to read, to say the least. You might be more effective in getting your message across if you used examples other than her songs to make your points.
Thank you for your concern Darren, but is it awkward for you to read this because of the words I used or because I reference an international celebrity more than once? Katy Perry and her music have been a positive influence in my personal growth, which is why I have used her songs as examples in my latest articles—that is my story, my truth. But these recent articles are only a fraction of what I have written for this website on other subjects using other sources and examples that have been equally influential in my life to date (Henri Nouwen,… Read more »
It’s awkward because using the same artist of over and over again (Perry is tagged in 7 out of your last 10 articles, from what I can count) to make multiple different points about sexuality reeks of hero worship. Espically to people who might not appreciate Perry as much as you do. Think of it this way- suppose you didn’t care for the politics of, say, Ronald Regan. Now imagine that your favorite website has a political columnist that can’t stop praising Reganomics as the pinnacle of economic development and glorifies Regan as the greatest president ever. Reading his articles… Read more »
Once again, thanks for the concern, but you misunderstand my use of her in my articles. I’m not using her as a kind of “hero worship” nor trying to glorify her as the greatest thing since slice bread (notice my use of indefinite articles with her! And for the record: she is not the greatest thing since slice bread—no one is). Most of those articles you mention were tagged with her name simply because I mentioned her in passing, often in reference to one of two of my first articles, and were nowhere near the main point or focus of… Read more »
I think it is you who misunderstands here, Jonathan. I realize your intention isn’t to hero worship Perry, I’m simply telling you that mentioning her over and over again in your articles as a shining example of healthy sexuality or whatever else you’re trying to write about (even if she isn’t the article’s main focus) can come across that way. I also realize (at least now) that you don’t care about whether or not it comes across that way. Neither did I accuse you of trying to force anyone on anyone. My point in all of this wasn’t to tell… Read more »
Believe me, I am well aware of the importance of keeping your audience’s receptivity to your writing & message in mind. I wrack my brain around that aspect as I write each of my drafts. I understand that you were trying to help me by offering your opinion on my writing’s effectiveness from your perspective, and for that I am grateful. But if you want to hear my advice about your initial comment: Next time you want to offer unsolicited advice to a complete stranger with the best of intentions, try doing so with a little more tact and clarity—being… Read more »
I apologize for any vagueness that was in my first comment (I assumed you’d ask for more detail if you cared about my opinion, which was a little presumptuous of me) but not for being frank. There’s no point in being anything other than direct and to the point when giving an opinion to someone you’ll never meet over the Internet.
I am truly grateful for your fist point and concede to your second. Directness is absolutely crucial for any dialogue over an Internet forum.
Thank you for taking the time and effort to clarify your position and discussing your thoughts about my writing thus far with me! 🙂
No problem. Best wishes to you as your continue your writing.
Not sure how I feel about this. I’m coming from the far opposite extreme end of the spectrum, and it has its own challenges and problems. Sure, young people need to mature and get past the sex-based relationship, but is it really so bad to have some of those when you’re younger? The alternative is what I face all the time. Nobody, and I mean *nobody* would ever want to play “Never Have I Ever” with me, they’d quit pretty quickly because of how depressing my statements would be. There’s so much about myself I’ll never know, and so many… Read more »
That previous comment was a reply to DJ, BTW. These comment threads are a little wonky lately.
Understand, Anthony. I’m not at all against guys coming out of their shell, experimenting, experiencing their sexuality. In that I’m in complete agreement with John. Where I part ways is with the allowing of one’s self to be objectified (or objectifying another), allowing the “other” to sit in judgement of a man or woman based on either physical amenities or a lack there of. I’ve read far too many stories from young men feeling inadequate because they did not “measure up”. I’ve likewise encountered young women feeling the same, some wanting breast implants so that men liked them (which made… Read more »
Agreed, understood, and well said, as always!
Yeah, well, good luck with that. Prefer a higher class of woman myself. They are typically more in-tuned with quite confidence, strength and humility, maturity, loyalty, trust…and have much the same to offer in return. I’d assume they’d roll their eyes at some random male pea-cocking himself around trying to drum up business. I know that none, when I was dating, walked up and asked to see my package. I mean, if someone is out there just looking to rub genitals together, then…whatever works for ya. However, focusing on genitalia, or superficial attraction as a basis for a realtionship is… Read more »
DJ, I’m not sure if you’ve read through my article here based on what I can tell from your comment. The “Peacock” I reference in the title is a song title, not about being a douchbag or exhibitionist. I even spend a paragraph arguing that honest women don’t want “to deal with some macho-façade or to be treated with superficial bravado” and what they’re looking for—the real “peacock” in a way—are the qualities you’ve listed in men. I spend another paragraph sharing that sexuality is more than the act of sex that includes how one interacts with others and the… Read more »
Yes, Jonathan. I read the article, listened to the song, which is why I formulated my opinion…which is that it is exactly the opposite of what I’m trying to teach men not only about the objectification of women (the sum of their parts), but to avoid such for themselves. Sure its sort of fun and kooky, but that is all it is. I take it no further than just another pop singer ranting and degrading the other sex: Sexism, objectification, and reduction of the man to little more than a phallic under the guise of “grrl powa”. We see male… Read more »
Thanks for clarifying your position with well-thought arguments, DJ. They have given me much food for thought in the coming days! However, I still feel that we are getting at the same point but from completely different perspectives. First of all, let me say that I am in complete agreement with your stance on the objectification of anyone’s body—male or female—100%. In fact, that is one of the reasons why I stayed away from the song after first hearing it. I believed it, just as you do, to be disrespectfully objectifying of men by a woman evoking her “grrl powa”… Read more »