In this space, I talk about breakthroughs as a concept regularly, but I don’t know if I’ve ever defined what a breakthrough is in a coaching sense.
Simply put, a breakthrough is a new way of being. That’s it. It’s a new way of being that gives you access to something bigger, better, and bolder that you’ve never had before.
With apologies to my dear friend and teammate Beth, it’s like the Doors come to life.
Anybody…break on through to the other side…
I personally thought it was more Kool-Aid man like, but what do I know?
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A breakthrough is a new way of being that gives you access to something bigger, better, and bolder that you’ve never had before.
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I’d like to talk about one of the biggest breakthroughs I’ve ever experienced. It didn’t come in a wave of power or like the ultimate ah-ha moment. It came in like a bag of rocks on my head.
I personally hate that cliché, but roll me with here.
Last summer during my training year, my coach Lisa said something to me that will stick with me forever. At the time, I questioned why she said it. But I now know exactly why.
“Ryan, one of these days you’re going to see yourself as others see you.”
In all honesty, that confused me completely. And I didn’t speak up at the time.
Perhaps I should rewind a little bit.
My move from Alabama to New York took everything out of me. Literally. For three months, it took every bit of my energy, all my time, and all my effort.
As a result, I knew that I was going to have an adrenaline dump. And sure enough I did.
But the weird thing is that it didn’t manifest itself like I had to sleep for two weeks, like the time following my dad’s passing. It manifested itself in a total lack of motivation to do what I need to do to create the life I have declared for myself.
In other words, depression had slipped back into my life.
Not the kind of depression where I’m crying myself to sleep every night. But it’s the kind of depression where there’s an absence of motivation to do anything but exist.
I knew I wanted a thriving coaching practice, a dynamite second novel, a healthy relationship with an amazing lady, and being healthy of mind, body and soul. I had no vision of how to make this happen.
It’s like I had page one and page 300 written, but pages two through 299 were blank and I had no idea how to fill them in.
This blindsided me so much that I couldn’t distinguish it was going on. I hid this from everybody, myself especially.
Here’s the other side:
Let’s flash forward to last week. I have started to include hot yoga in my fitness routine. For something where you’re sweating like you’ve never sweated before, and you do it for 90 minutes, it’s not exhaustion but an adrenaline rush. To my surprise.
In a room where you’re doing yoga in a sauna for an hour and a half, you sweat so much that shirts are a hindrance. And in this room, there are mirrors all around. This is like a one-two punch to my precarious body image.
During maybe my third class, I spot this woman in the front row. She was gorgeous, fit, and shapely.
She’s also probably 25 at the most. And I outweighed her by a good 100 pounds.
I can’t remember exactly what the pose was but I’m sure balancing on one leg was involved. Keep in mind, this is a problem for me at room temperature
But I was feeling my Wheaties that evening and I was staying in the move better than I normally do.
Was I deep in the posture? No. But I was IN the posture.
While this was going on, I glance at her, and she’s flat on her back. Her face a deep shade of Crimson. Breathing heavily.
Here I am. I’m probably 15 years older than she is. And I’m handling myself pretty well. Granted, she got into poses that I couldn’t. But in that moment, I was present to just how amazing my body was.
Not every body can do something like this. That can’t be overlooked.
This was the pebble that started the avalanche of love.
I have been present to just how many people are complimenting, acknowledging, and otherwise showing me some love lately. Words like “brilliant” “badass” “amazing” “rock star” and “maestro” kept coming up in my space over and over.
Flashing forward to this past Saturday morning. I’m in my car and my breathing starts to get shallow. I feel a lump in my throat. And my heart starts racing.
Feels like anxiety, perhaps? It wasn’t.
At that moment, I got so present to just how much gratitude I have for my life. Gratitude for the people in my life.
But most of all, gratitude for me!
I’ve lived enough heartache for a man twice my age. I have lived through losing both my parents before I turn 40. I have survived enough heartbreak from women to last a lifetime. I have gotten turned down for jobs and promotions for which I’ve been insanely qualified. And I survived a life-threatening health crisis with a ruptured gallbladder as well as two bouts of kidney stones.
And I’m only 40, y’all!
As I’m waiting for the light to turn green, I start sobbing. Like full body, convulsive sobbing. I probably got looks like “What’s the hell’s a matter with that guy?” But I’m crying tears of pride.
“This is how people see me?!”
I feel like I can ride that wave into something amazing. Building a coaching business to serve clients I love and admire. Writing the next great American novel that will be studied in college classrooms long after I’m gone. Finding the love of my life and perhaps adding “Dad” to my resume. And doing this all knowing that I’m healthy of mind, body, and soul.
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For perhaps the first time in my life, I see myself as a blessing to the people in my life. That I have greatness inside me. That I need to shout from the mountaintops.
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For perhaps the first time in my life, I see myself as a blessing to the people in my life. That I have greatness inside me. That I need to shout from the mountaintops.
It’s time to sound my barbaric yawp from the roofs of the world!
Last week, I’m quoting Eminem. This week, Walt Whitman. What’s it going to be next week, Aaron Sorkin. Don’t put it past me.
Would you like some breakthroughs in your life? Yeah? This sounds good? I’d love to work with y’all!
Email me at [email protected] to schedule a sample coaching session.
Keep in mind, I’ve been working on this breakthrough for years. I’ve seen glimpses from time to time, but I haven’t really gone head-first yet. But I know that this way of being is new, beautiful, and permanent.
So, this is what falling in love with myself looks like? Cool.
Photo by Erika Thorson
