We all know breakups are hard, right?
Some days you have trouble moving from the couch, and sometimes you can even be glad that it is over. In the end, the waves of emotions leave you confused.
Sometimes, this buildup can eat at you as you search for answers until the point of anger, can’t it?
The first step in figuring out the core of your issue is simple: Let go.
The problem is, as humans, we like to have control, and we fear the unknown. When you can’t control your surroundings, you begin to build resentment towards the people or objects that cause you to lose control.
The quickest way to heal from a breakup is to release the resentment around what you cannot control. Let go of these four forms and move on to a better life.
. . .
Resentment toward self
When you go through a breakup with a relationship that you want to save, you get angry with yourself.
STOP!
You are thinking about what you could have done better, but there are two issues you must begin to accept.
- It is who you were at the time, and your only option is to grow and be better.
- You are forgiving someone and pedestalizing someone who had equal involvement with the relationship not working.
If you were in a non-abusive relationship that did not work out in the end, accept that it did not work out. You do not need to replay the moments in your head when a prince or princess-like reaction would have saved the day.
Let go, you are still a good person.
. . .
Resentment towards your ex
What’s the moral of the story? Breakups are tough. Your ex is not going through life skipping on rainbows.
STOP!
The reality is that your ex is in just as much pain as you are feeling. You might see them on social media appearing to have the time of their life, but that isn’t true.
- You think your breakup is a feeling of extreme relief for your ex, but the reality is they’re dealing with the same void you are.
- We can all play happy, but at some point, they have to sit down and process the same emotions as you.
If you got dumped, you are processing the loss of control you have over your relationship. If you ended the relationship, you are dealing with the anger you have due to a lack of control over the actions of your ex that could have saved the relationship.
Let go of the thoughts that they are oh-so-happy without you now.
. . .
Resentment of not leaving in “the low moments”
You are stuck thinking about the dumb choice made to stay in a relationship you didn’t enjoy.
STOP!
It is hard to leave a relationship when you have built up so much love for someone. It is also hard to know someone so well that you thought those low moments were out of character.
- You are replaying all the moments in your head when you saw a red flag and should have left the relationship.
- It is ok that you believed better days were coming and that it was worth working to fix.
Resentment of low moments is a mix of being angry with yourself and your partner. It is also the form that will linger in you the longest if you don’t let go.
You cannot change your decisions from the past. YOU stayed. Let go.
. . .
Resentment of the length of the relationship
You will be angry with yourself for a long time if you do not let go of this form of resentment, similar to the “low moments.”
I know the pain you are feeling. You could have left that five-year relationship in year two when you felt this for the first time.
- You should try and see the positive spin. If you were in a non-abusive relationship, you tried your hardest to grow with somebody, but it did not work out.
- Those “lost years” you could have spent single or with someone else could have ended in more damaging pain caused by someone else.
You think that these lost years would have been a magical time filled with pain-free moments, fun dates, and possibly marriage with the partner of your dreams. The exact opposite could be true also.
It is rough to think about the time spent on something that didn’t work out. Take the lessons and know your non-negotiables in your next relationship.
I know you want to fast forward to pain-free bliss. You can’t.
. . .
My short story
I know how hard it is to go through a breakup when it is finally over.
I am currently at the end of a two-and-a-half-year relationship in a half-empty apartment where my live-in girlfriend (now ex) moved out.
I could think about all the times I could have left the relationship in that span. I should be beating myself up for being “dumb” enough to move in with a girl in an on-again, off-again relationship. I saw red flags and ignored them.
Guess what: I am never going to do it again.
That’s an option I have control over.
. . .
Conclusion
Resentment is an extremely unhealthy emotion you can have; it is sadness, hurt, anger, and control combined. It is a mixing pot for disaster because it is rooted in actions and objects you can’t control.
Let go.
Pick your head up.
You can start over.
If you have a short story, leave it in the comments, and we can solve your question on how to let go!
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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