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I write about my dad a lot. He’s a brilliant man – not in the ‘curing cancer and fighting for human rights’ kind of way, but in the ‘always there for you no matter what’ kind of way.
Since I was a young lad, my dad has been my best friend. I’ve had other friends along the way – some of them quite significant during pivotal points in my life, but my dad has always championed my causes and devoted countless hours to my many and varied passions. He’s encouraged my dreams and shown me by example how to be a good man. We’ve built things together, camped under cloudless desert skies, embarked on long and exciting adventures and solved many problems under the influence of Drambuie and cigars.
But dad has witnessed horrors in his life – many at the hand of his abusive father; some through the terrors of the second world war and plenty at home via life-changing events over which he had little control.
Most of them occurred years, even decades ago, yet still, they haunt him. I’ve had my fair share, too. Most not as terrible as my dad’s but challenging in their unique ways. But whether it’s the people I’ve associated with, the books I’ve read or something deeper inside of me, I’ve always sought to give my failures, my disappointments and heartbreaks the perspective they deserve.
Perhaps it’s my mum’s influence more than anything else, but I’ve always known and happily accepted, that someone, somewhere, is worse off than me.
They don’t define you but rather inform your level of humanity as you move forward – each time, grateful for the lesson learned.
Grudges only harm those who hold them, and if held long enough, can alter the course of your life significantly. They can cause you to shy away from opportunities that may enrich your life, or avoid a risk that would have challenged and excited you. At some stage, you’ve got to ask, what’s the point? Why hang on to these weighty burdens?
Look at any great success story and most times; you find a backstory perforated by hardship, failure and misery. Those who reach great heights either relinquish their past or use it to fuel their onward journey.
When you find yourself reflecting on past missteps or tales of woe, are they driving you forward along your chosen path or holding you back? Are they a help or a hindrance?
If they’re not an asset in your life, they’re a liability, and should be treated as such. Resolve them, absolve yourself or discard them. Then take a deep breath and step boldly into the future, knowing you’re in control of what you do from here. You may experience more failures, diversions or disappointments, but you’ll know what to do with those when they happen; and each time emerge stronger and more resolved than ever.
After all, you didn’t get this far to only get this far.
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This article originally appeared on Midlife Tribe
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