I had an infusion Monday. It went on for hours and left me wiped and exhausted. Mom has been caring for me since then to a large degree.
So when the door bell rang while we played cards today, she went to get the door even though normally I get it since she is no longer very mobile.
It was a traveling salesperson who wanted us to paint our house.
I listened to Mom talk to him for a few minutes. If it had been me going to the door, it would never have opened.
But my Mom wants to talk to people. As she’s gotten older and less agile, it’s become harder for her to get around and so social connections are more valued as they are more rare.
When she first moved in with us it was 12 years ago and she was much more mobile.
I still remember taking her to the local bank to open her account.
A nice young man introduced himself.
“Hello dear,” she began. “Look, Shefali, what a handsome young man!”
He blushed. I was mortified.
“Where is your family from, dear?” she asked. Then she mentioned she wanted to open an account, and in the process of pulling out her ID, she also showed him photos of my father on their wedding day.
“Wasn’t he handsome? I miss him so much. He was such a good man.”
She then looked at his hand.
“You are not married?” she asked. “Don’t you have an aunt or grandmother to help introduce you to nice girls?”
This is something apparently older Indian people do for younger people they like. They make introductions.
I was waiting for the earth to swallow me whole. He looked like he’d been hit by a train.
However, in the end, it wall turnd out well, because she was actually genuinely interested in him and she actually genuinely cared.
Did she open an account? Yes, she did. Did she mortify her daughter? Yes, she did. Did she have a darned good time? Yes, yes she did.
And in the end, the young man seemed more flattered than anything, because my Mom was genuinely interested in him and wanted him to do well in life. To her, marriage and family were part of that.
The thing is, Mom flirts with both men and women.
And, actually, I do it too now that I’m past menopause. I now call younger people “honey” or “dear” just like Mom does and for the most part it gets a positive response because the intent is sweet.
We are interested in people and we are interested in their stories.
So Monday when I got my infusion I discovered the nurse went to school in Boston, as I had. So we talked about our experiences there and we formed a connection.
Mom used to do this more when she was more active. Now, except for a monthly shopping trip and a couple of trips to the doctor with one of my friends, she does not get out. My friend, BTW, loves to take Mom to the doctor because the two will talk intimately about their families. Mom really cares.
And the lady who takes Mom shopping also loves to take her, for similar reasons. And I guess now she is flirting with painters.
I think it’s great. She is a cheerful, happy person and the people she comes in contact with are happier because of it. Nowadays, as people become more isolated, it’s nice to be part of the resistance. To actually form human connections in person insteaf of just on social media.
So, yeah, I’m glad my Mom flirts.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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