Andy Behrman reminds us that while children’s gender identity might surprise you, their need for love and support will not.
In this day and age, we’re quite familiar, and have even become comfortable, with our sons and daughters coming out of the closet and announcing to their families and friends that they are gay.
But what do you do when your child tells you they are a man trapped in the body of a woman? As parents, we have to be prepared to support our children: protect them, fight for them, and see them through an incredibly difficult period for a young person.
We’ve all become familiar with Chaz Bono, who many of us remember as the adorable blonde daughter of Sonny and Cher who graced the stage almost weekly on “The Sonny and Cher Show.” Today, Chaz Bono is probably the most famous transgender personality, but he is only one of 700,000 transgender Americans.
As a society, we have a compulsive need to create order when it comes to differences of race, creed, color, gender, and sexuality, for the sole purpose of feeling safe and comfortable. So when we find out that the gender identity of our babies, we announce the arrival of a boy or girl and immediately start categorizing them for life. We send out pink or blue birth announcements and amass pink and blue stuffed animals, baby clothes, sheets and blankets and toys.
And we’re conditioned to expect that our daughters will be beautiful and feminine and that that they will do girly things like wear dresses, experiment with make up, and choose activities that are not as rough and tumble as boys, who are expected to play with cars and trucks and start playing football as soon as they give up crawling. Our daughters will grow up and become teachers and fashion designers and our sons will become professional athletes and lawyers. Thankfully, we’ve made great strides in the last few decades. Girls and boys crossover quite a bit more when it comes to breaking out of defined roles, but in general, we’re still hung up on the expression, “Girls will be girls and boys will be boys.”
But this just isn’t so.
Because for some of our children, their body parts don’t necessarily feel comfortable to them and they explain this by eventually telling us they were born into the wrong body. These are transgender children. These are not tomboys or effeminate boys and this is not a phase and has nothing to do with sexuality.
◊♦◊
But most of us don’t know a transgender youth personally, or have had limited contact with this marginalized segment of the population. One of the most shocking facts is that 45% of 18 – 24 year old transgender/gender-nonconforming people attempt suicide, and the stigma against this community is even larger than that against the LGB community. Even today, most transgender youth are still considered freaks and are rejected by their own families, and many grow up hating their bodies and fall victim to high rates of depression, drug abuse, violence, and suicide. They’re also bullied, ridiculed and called names.
Transgender people experience their “trans” identity in a variety of ways and may be aware their transgender identities and feelings back to their earliest memories. They may have had vague feelings of “not fitting in” with people of their assigned sex or specific wishes to be something other than their assigned sex. Others become aware of their transgender identities or begin to explore and experience gender-nonconforming attitudes and behaviors during adolescence or much later in life. Some embrace their transgender feelings, while others struggle with feelings of shame or confusion. Those who transition later in life may have struggled to fit in adequately as their assigned sex, only to later face dissatisfaction with their lives. Some transgender people, transsexuals in particular, experience intense dissatisfaction with their sex assigned at birth, physical sex characteristics, or the gender role associated with that sex. These individuals often seek gender-affirming treatments.
Transgender youth are children and adolescents who identify as transgender or transsexual. Because transgender youth are usually dependent on their parents for care, shelter, financial support and other needs, and because most doctors are reluctant to provide medical treatments to them, transgender youth face even more difficult challenges to coping than their older counterparts.
Many transgender youth experience rejection as a result of their differences and quickly attempt to repress them. Puberty is an incredibly difficult time for these youth because changes that are taking place just don’t “feel right.” Issues like peer rejection, bullying and harassment are rampant in the transgender youth community and can make this difficult time even harder.
Not to mention, being transgender is not widely accepted by our society. And lack of acceptance by family and friends can be a huge roadblock. The stigma of being transgender in America, even in larger cities like New York and Los Angeles, is overwhelming.
But Trans Youth Speak, a Los Angeles-based youth group, is an organization under the umbrella of a larger organization called Survivors’ Truths. These transgender youth are making a difference, speaking out and helping each other and demanding to play a role in their communities. This group has even established a social media presence and is a model for future groups of transgender youth who until recently, had no voice.
°°°°°
On April 1st, Trans Youth Speaks will be the beneficiary of a comedy benefit called “Krullapalooza,” which will be held at the Wiltern Theater. Krullapalooza. The event will be in memory of actress Suzanne Krull,who passed away unexpectedly in 2013. Suzanne was loved by all who knew her because she truly cared about people, and Krullapalooza is carrying on her legacy by raising funds for oganizations/groups working with some of the most marginalized groups of people.
Krullapalooza will support the Trans Youth Speak project, which helps transgender youth advocate for greater safety and inclusion in our communities and gives them a voice.
This event will feature Zach Galifianakas, Reggie Watts, Patton Oswald, Tig Notaro and Ian Harvie and you can support this incredible organization by buying tickets to the show at this link:
Find out more about the event here: Krullapalooza
—Photo hoyasmeg/Flickr
Like The Good Men Project on Facebook
—