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I cringe every time I hear “Make America Great Again.”
We all have varied experiences of what life was like in the past. It’s very easy to remember only the good things while not being able to see how much you have benefitted from the evolution that has happened over the decades.
With each change, you may lose a little something but also gain a little something.
But, we rarely view the past as it actually was. Instead, it is through rose-colored glasses.
There are two types of Nostalgia: Reflective and Restorative.
Reflective Nostalgia is when you look back at something and remember it fondly, but you accept that the past is the past. For example, you may look back on your childhood and remember how great it was to have less responsibility and freedom while all the possibilities are ahead of you. But, you understand there are benefits to being where you are now.
Restorative Nostalgia is when you look back at a period of your life, a relationship or history and you see it as a better time than what you are currently experiencing. You decide that everything in your life would be better if you could just get back to that period, recreate that same period or similar feelings.
Neither Reflective nor Restorative Nostalgia is inherently bad. The problem becomes how you view it or allow it to make you feel about your present life.
The major issue with Restorative Nostalgia is you rarely recreate a true picture or understanding of how things actually were. First, you have a limited view of what was actually occurring during that time. Second, you are conveniently remembering the best parts and in denial of the difficulties, you experienced during those times.
This often happens in relationships and can be what keeps someone pining over an ex-lover or rejecting new partners.
We can look back at the relationship and remember the happy times. We may remember how well the person treated us in the relationship. We may remember the good things we did together or even great sex that we shared with the person.
But, we can gloss over how we felt within the relationship. Maybe the unhappiness in the relationship wasn’t about how we were treated when things were good between us and the person, but how we were treated when things weren’t good. Or, how we struggled within the relationship to keep things amicable.
For example, you may be forgetting that the relationship was happy when you gave up your individuality to be a part of the couple. And, you were miserable being with someone who required that of you.
But, as you experience other people who aren’t quite a match, you paint a pretty picture in your mind of that old relationship that the person knew you better than others.
In comparison to the challenge of making a connection with a new person, you convince yourself that you were happier with that person that you can no longer be with. It keeps you stuck.
I have also heard Restorative nostalgia in how the sexes attempt to relate to one another in relationships. Referring to classic gender roles as if they are the solution to the divorce rate or dating issues rather than seeing the benefits of having two financially, physically and mentally strong partners join to form a partnership.
Restorative nostalgia gives you the ability to deny your present circumstances.
If you were to accept life as it is now and the changes from how things used to be then you would have to let go of an idea that returning things to how they were in the past is better than how things are now. You would have to find opportunities in what is and you would have to figure out what fears stand between you and making the most of your life right now.
It’s easier to place the blame on the current situation not matching the past, then it is to deal with your disappointment.
But, the truth is that the past is gone, whether it’s a lover, an era or an age, and wishing it could resurrect itself to comfort you isn’t going to work. It’s blinding you to the potential of the moment.
And, it’s blinding this country to how the collective could be benefiting from what everyone has to offer versus trying to return to a time when people were barred from contribution.
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