Trauma-informed care uses a lens, which provides a view of the individual from the standpoint of pain. In medical settings, clinical settings, mental health settings, and other areas we are seeing more trauma-informed care and providing attentive focus for those who have experienced trauma.
Unlike many focuses in the clinical and medical world, trauma-informed care has the ability to surpass the cliché catch-words soon set out to pasture for newer ideas. So, the question arises, what about our daily life? Who in our life has zero traumatic experiences?
I propose trauma-informed care needs to goes a bit farther than the clinical or medical aspects.
We need to be preventative in our approach with others we encounter.
Like defensive driving, we see ahead of ourselves, check the mirrors, use our lights, brakes, and turn signals to move about on highways, freeways, downtown, and rural areas: some at speeds up to 75 miles per hour and others under 15 mph. We drive, almost with an auto-pilot focus, our brains conditioned to make the turns we need, where to go, and watching for other vehicles. If we did not have the auto-pilot-habits, driving would be plastic, stiff, and more accidents would happen.
Take the above idea and think of a different approach. Lives are surrounded in ways where people run about on auto-pilot, forgetting to think of others. They go from place to place, not caring who is in their presence.
Often, individuals may sting with the thought: ‘Hey, its a free world, we can say what we want, do what we want, and if someone is offended, they need tougher skin.’ Totally self-absorbed. I am not suggesting we walk around concerned constantly about what we say or do, however, I believe, if we use our external focus and notice others in the present moment, we might be able to reduce grating experiences.
Experience is not what happens to you — its how you interpret what happens to you Aldous Huxley
Have you ever encountered a calm, kind, helpful cashier who helps a customer with a highly emotional problem?
What does the calm cashier do?
They tend to stop, look, and listen to the customer. They seek to understand what it is they need and then seek to fulfill it or find someone else who can assist.
If the cashier came to the counter with the same level of emotional duress as the customer, the contagion of social disorder rings true.
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Carl Rogers: “To perceive the internal frame of reference of another with accuracy and with the emotional components and meanings which pertain thereto as if one were the person, but without ever losing the “as if” condition. Thus, it means to sense the hurt or the pleasure of another as he senses it and to perceive the causes thereof as he perceives them, but without ever losing the recognition that it is as if I were hurt or pleased and so forth.”
Emotional Intelligence is what we use when we maintain a calm front during stressful events. The ability to control one’s emotional response and empathize with other’s feelings sets individuals apart from the crowd.
What is Emotional Intelligence?
E.I. or Emotional Intelligence consists of five key areas, which affect how one interacts with others on a daily basis, both at home and also in the work place. Dan Goleman shares some great ideas in his books on Emotional Intelligence. Those who score higher on the E.I. surveys tend to connect well with others on a consistent basis.
The five areas include:
- Self-Awareness includes understanding your emotions, reducing reactionary emotions, check the feelings at the door, and trust the intuition instincts.
- Self-Regulation includes the ability to control emotions and impulses. It means you can say no, you have integrity even with no one looking, adaptable and flexible with changes, and your actions are thoughtful.
- Motivation brings a willingness to defer instant gratification for the long-range goals and successes. When a person is motivated, they are highly productive and complete tasks as well as take on challenges.
- Empathy is essential to the Emotional Intelligence bracket. Individuals high on the empathy side identify and recognize their feelings. In addition, they pick up on cues of others’ feelings, wants, and viewpoints. Relationships based on strong empathic connections demonstrate excellent listening skills.
“People who are unable to motivate themselves must be content with mediocrity, no matter how impressive their other talents.” Andrew Carnegie
Words Matter; Tone of Voice Matters More
Have you experienced listening to music in a movie theater where the song is bouncy and makes you feel light and cheerful while at the same time, the music is playing, there is serious and scary scenes unfolding?
These scenarios make people laugh thanks to the tone of the music.
If the music created a foreboding feeling and a dense overture, the feeling in the room diminishes until there is fear and concern. Music makes the difference.
As with music, our voice tones reflect how we feel. Higher pitches and irritated tones signal to others there is a problem to deal with and calls for someone’s attention.
It
matters how we present what we need to say. In order to draw people into constructive communication we first need to pay attention to our vocal tones and how we use inflection. (Inflection is the way our voice rises and falls in phrasing so it sounds more flowing instead of intense and tight).
Tone — Emphasis — Pace — Volume: The four ingredients to effective communication.
Emphasis used at the right time makes statements dynamic. People change the meaning of statement or questions by placing an emphasis on specific words.
Pace matters when you communicate. Talk too slowly and people fall asleep or ignore you. Talk too fast, people forget what you say and the room becomes a place one wants to escape. The message isn’t clear either way.
The volume you choose to speak with matters. A moderate tone is perfect, however, depending on what you are trying to say and to whom, louder or softer may be needed. To engage others, in communication, the moderate volume connects you to others (Global Courseware, 2019).
In addition to the tone of voice, what we talk about matters.
Optimistic people draw others to them, whereas pessimistic people tend to push others away. When you have a balance of communication styles you’ll be able to talk to a wider array of individuals. Using Emotional Intelligence creates a connection with others and therefore, builds community.
You can see in the eyes and the facial expressions of those you communicate with, whether they ‘get’ what you are saying or if they missed the point.
Paying attention to the non-verbal matters, too.
Sometimes, it is okay to let the point go; other times, recap and ask if they understand what you were saying. Give people the benefit of the doubt, there are times we mishear what is being said due to the perception we have from personal experiences.
What Comes Next?
Community creates hope. Individuals within a community build the hope of others by conscientious effort and values. Our responsibility to carry ourselves with a higher purpose means we choose ways to build others up. Using the tools of Emotional Intelligence, we gain awareness of ourselves and of others while making choices. Our lives make a difference; our lives matter and each choice we make matters.
A few questions to ask yourself for those who continued to read and join me on the journey to employing our emotions to guide us rather than control us:
- What strengths do I possess? Can I build on my strengths and use them for good?
- What are my weaknesses? Can I choose one a week to improve and become a strength? Even a little at a time?
- Do I know what I feel in my body when I am confronted or treated badly?
- What do I do with those feelings? Do I have a support system in order to process my feelings?
Every chance you take to reassess how you react or respond in life events means you are using your self-awareness part of Emotional Intelligence. Your life intersects with so many others it pays to check how you feel when dealing with people.
Daniel Goleman shares, “It is true you have very little control over the emotions you experience in a split second. However, the reaction to the said emotions is absolutely in your control, and you can harness it by driving your thoughts in the right direction.”
As we grow in our ability to process our emotions, knowing where they originate and how to challenge whether they are warranted or not, we become powerfully in control of our reactions. Our interactions with others, even via a vehicle, become less stressful and we build a resilience of living in the present moment. Allowing life to come and go, not reacting to every feeling takes time to develop.
My hope is to instill a desire to grow and inspire others along the path of life.
~Just a thought by Pamela
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and enjoy the fruit of the work I engage in daily. Writing is a wonderful way to inspire others and center myself.
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Previously published on Medium.com.
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Photo credit: Toa Heftiba on Unsplash