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Werner Erhard’s mission in life is to end human suffering. I’m with him, too. In all likelihood, there won’t be one uniquely encompassing solution. Yet, looking at what it is for another human being to suffer alters our humanity. At least seeing it fosters human compassion.
Like Werner, I see that ending suffering begins in our compassion, our tears for others. Compassion may begin with getting another human being. Authentically, getting someone is more than understanding. Getting someone is like the experience of balance when you ride a bike. You don’t really understand balance. You get balance. Balance is present. In much the same way, we get someone else.
Getting someone is when you recreate whatever that person is over there in yourself over here. That other person now is left with being gotten. Like in Aikido, this is awase—the matching up. Really, you and another are now one, in harmony.
Have compassion for others. Compassion isn’t about winning or losing. Compassion ain’t about looking good. In fact, you risk looking bad. In our compassion, what do we want to give to others? There’s poignancy in compassion.
Washington Irving said:
There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.
Compassion is our unspoken love for others. We define ourselves in the power of our tears, our compassion for humanity.
Compassion is not about you or me. Leaving others in the generous space is not necessarily about what I do. Rather, it’s what I am willing to give up: I give up being right, forgive others, and forgive myself. Be open to what’s possible within others. Create the freedom to be.
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A few years ago, I went back to Honolulu to deliver my closing eulogy for my dad. My Aunt Dorothy delivered her complete eulogy of Dad’s life history at his funeral services. Aunty is the retired University Professor, author of several books, and accomplished public speaker. She’s amazing. I gave the closing words at the conclusion of the services for gathered family and friends.
About a month before the funeral, Aunty emailed her speech. Her speech was formal, tremendously detailed, rather long drawn and dry.
Her speech left me with a few things about my Dad. She told the story of Dad and his brother Eddie constantly fighting on the car rides with their Mom when they were kids. She told stories from my Dad’s declining years regarding their devolved relationship. I believe these anecdotes were humorously intended. Maybe. What landed for me: What will others be left with about my Dad? What’s in the balance of Dad’s legacy?
So I worked with my best friend John in creating my closing eulogy. John is a bestselling author, an accomplished speaker, and a business coach. John told me, “Keep it light and leave them with something about your Dad. Make it something that they can take with them.” Something that has lasting value.
Dad was both lightness and darkness, like you and me. I experienced fear for years growing up at home as a child. That wouldn’t work. Have compassion for the life lived. So instead I talked about fishing.
For about 17 years before Dad passed away, we’d go fishing every July in Kenai, Alaska. Dad was free to be there. For that week Dad got to be around people he loved, and those who loved him like family.
Dad was the best sockeye salmon fisherman on the Kenai River. People literally flew in from all over the country to the Fishing Lodge to fish with Dad. For that week, Dad was greater than he saw himself. He was so very happy. I experienced joy watching him.
When I finally spoke I said, “I’d like to think that Dad was now forever fishing in his favorite spot at the bend of the Kenai River. He is happy. He found peace.” That was my final wish for Dad.
I finally got Dad. I forgave him for the past. I think he forgave me too, for only loving him only the best I could. I wanted to say “Goodbye” and “I love you”. That landed for our family and friends, acknowledged in the power of their tears.
Others shall define my legacy. I’m lightness and darkness. Hopefully, I may be remembered in the balance.
I was among my Dad’s “others”, who defined him in his life. I just wanted to leave others with something greater about Dad, both the lightness and darkness within all of us. Have compassion for those you love. Perhaps, that shall be our most profound gift.
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Photo credit: Flickr
“UDAAN”, the festival of love, was celebrated by Rotary Club of Nagpur on 14th Feb 2014, Valentine’s Day, by spreading love and compassion to 700 specially abled children from 47 different schools in and around Nagpur. The entire team of Rotary club of Nagpur worked with full vigor to make the day memorable for the children, Supporting this generous cause were Lata Mangeshkar Hospital, Social Welfare Department, Zilla Parishad Nagpur, Hotel Centre Point, Mahindra & Mahindra Ltd, Parth Majumdar, Spacewood, Dinshaw’s and motivated members of the club.