Dear Philip (10 years old),
The time has come for us to have a heart to heart about how you transformed from a scared young boy into the sensational adult man you are today.
I know, all too well, how challenging it was for you to go through some very difficult life experiences. I know you know that I was there for every single one of them.
I watched you go through the heartache when your first two relationships ended and the frustration you felt when you lost jobs due to corporate reorganizations.
I also know how exciting and exhilarating life has been for you. I have been there with you when you achieved some of your biggest dreams.
I remember when you snorkeled at the Great Barrier Reef for the first time and I was there with you when you walked on the Great Wall.
I am massively proud of You.
I was there when you were a young boy trying to figure out why you felt different from all of the other kids. I remember seeing you struggle with those overwhelming thoughts. It was hard for me to watch you struggle with being gay before you could even understand what it meant.
I saw how painful it was for you to experience your parents divorce before you turned 11. That seemed to change your beliefs about love. It was as if you stopped believing that love could last a lifetime.
Not being loved or losing love became your worst fear.
I saw you overcome that fear when you fell in love in your first relationship. I saw the joy you felt when you were loved and more importantly for you, when you shared your love.
It looked like you were obsessed with showing your love in order to somehow make sure your partner loved you back. I watched you experience joy and confusion all in one as you struggled.
I know how painful it was for you to realize after nearly 20 years, that it was time to end the relationship. I watched you garner the courage and gumption to leave it.
It was clear that your opposite of love was hurt and it was the last thing you wanted to experience for yourself and for your partner. I am proud of you for doing what was in your heart and head.
I love that you were committed to consistency early on in your life. You made sure things were orderly and you followed a certain routine. It looked like it made you happy to have things ‘under control”.
I was stunned when you decided to come out as a gay man in your first corporate job in 1982. I saw you act impulsively for the first time; it seemed out of character.
I thought that you were the bravest person for coming out at a time when you could have lost your job just for coming out. You were committed to your integrity in ways that others could not understand at the time.
I am thrilled that your 35-year corporate career was filled with successful achievements and punctuated by you staying out the for all of it. What a thrill to be on that ride with you.
I was even more impressed with you coming out at a time when the public perception of gays was very negative, the AIDS epidemic had created too much discrimination and hate, which I know hurt your heart.
I applaud your willingness to fall in love again when you met your second partner. I thought you had found the love of your life and was excited for you. I am sorry it did not turn out that way in the end.
I cheered for you when you decided to do things differently with that relationship. You amazed me when you set boundaries and talked about expectations with him. I could see your growth and thought you were on the right path.
I was saddened when I realized that at your core, you still had limiting beliefs about love that were going to derail you.
I watched you give away all of your power to him the first time and knew you would experience hurt again. I felt helpless to get your attention and prevent it from happening.
I must tell you that the way you took the news when he ended the relationship after nearly 10 years, was a real sign of your growth. I watched you accept it and move on with healing, recovering, and rebuilding your life as a single gay man at 50.
I think what sets you apart for me is how you have taken every life experience and learned from it. I watched you take some of the most painful situations and turn them into the most insightful realizations.
When I look at your life today, I see how happy you are to be married to someone who knows how to love you unconditionally and who has created the space for you to love him unconditionally.
I love reflecting on your life and all that you have enjoyed and endured; I don’t know many people who have had such amazing highs and devastating lows.
I wish more people would be willing to get to know you as I know you.
I can say unequivocally that I know you as well if not better than your own mom; she continues to be your most ardent supporter and friend.
You have a generous heart and a knowledgeable mind. I have had the immense pleasure of knowing you in a way that very few people have; and what I know about you is that you are open to the deepest of friendships.
I am massively proud of how you have grown up from that scared young boy into a sensational adult man.
With much love, Phil (61 years old)